Protection or preservation?

I have had an internal battle for a while. I believe children are sponges-they soak up everything in their environment, which determines who they become. The music they listen to, the friends they have, the books or movies that entertain and fill their minds. It all defines them (as it does with us). I have always preserved the best of the best because that is what I am encouraging them to become. I remember a time in my life when we didn't have the television channels and so I had a lot of control over the kind of entertainment that entered my home. For fun I got all of the series of Little house, Andy Griffith and Leave it to Beaver. All the while supplementing with classic books and real life discussions with my children. There was a time I felt in control of it all and I had peace that I was raising my children up unto the Lord. I felt complete joy because our home was filled with the spirit and I was teaching them correct principles. The strange thing is, I was lost in my service with them. I spent hours with them, never a moment for myself hardly. But it is for this very reason that I care so much. I have sacrificed so very much for them. They mean EVERYTHING to me.

I have never taught them to look at others as bad, rather I want them to only judge based on their personal safety. What others may do is their choice but each of us has a responsibility to discern what will harm us and to stay away from it. I don't want to come across as self righteous. I am just overly protective.
Now that I am at my In-laws home for the time being, I find I have no control over anything. They are good people, every one of them. Among the best and of whom I love dearly. But differences in opinions and upbringing can pose a challenge that I feel threatens what I have taught my children. I have worked endlessly for years teaching them the best I know how. I like that my children don't like Lady Gaga or Hanna Montana. I like that they know about sex at an appropriate age where they can be mature enough to respect and handle it and that I can teach them in a loving atmosphere while emphasising the sacred, private nature of it. I like the influence the positive music and tv shows has had on my home and my children.
It's been difficult to give up everything secure that I have ever known and to feel many different opinions thrown at my family. I feel out of control and out of place. Am I too protective? Or is it that I just want to preserve what is good and what is right? Is it okay for kids to like the current role models that kids have? Is the modern music okay? What message or agenda does Hollywood have for our children? Is it okay that a child's highlight for his/her life is a video game? According to Philippians 4:8 it says...

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

I could find many more. But is it not ideal to stay away from wrong all together? Is not good good and evil evil? Things either come from God or they come from the Devil. I take this seriously. And I feel responsible to teach my children what is right and what is wrong. I am not saying that they will not come across wickedness at some point, they will and they should to gain wisdom. But what I am saying is I feel it is a sacred duty of mine to offer them what ever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. Imagine raising a sober generation such as Nephi, Moroni, Joseph Smith or Joseph of old. Those men were who they were because of the homes they grew up in. As our belated dear prophet, Gorden B. Hinckley wrote:

"E. T. Sullivan once wrote these interesting words: “When God wants a great work done in the world or a great wrong righted, he goes about it in a very unusual way. He doesn’t stir up his earthquakes or send forth his thunderbolts. Instead, he has a helpless baby born, perhaps in a simple home and of some obscure mother. And then God puts the idea into the mother’s heart, and she puts it into the baby’s mind. And then God waits. The greatest forces in the world are not the earthquakes and the thunderbolts. The greatest forces in the world are babies.”1

"And those babies, I should like to add, will become forces for good or ill, depending in large measure on how they are reared. The Lord, without equivocation, has declared, “I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth” (D&C 93:40)." Why do I feel so strongly about these concepts, yet why do I feel so alone in it...

Dear Friends

One of the most heart breaking things about moving away is not leaving the house or the things, it's the people you leave behind. I felt forced to leave all I knew and all I loved for that job that we both worked so hard for. This is my dear friend Alicia. Radiantly and virtuously beautiful throughout her entire being. She has been my inspiration and my example for as long as I have known her. She understood me and my primitive ways. She was my friend unconditionally and when I spoke to her, it was like speaking with myself. How often in life do we find someone who is so in sync with us that it is comforting. I miss her. I miss her beautiful children. I miss the talks, the laughs and raising our children together. I miss the closeness we felt, that no matter what, we could be there for each other. Alicia is REAL. What you see is what you get with her. She is true to her beliefs and strong in her convictions-she radiates light for this reason. I love that she is right with me on being in tune with what matters most. She loves her children regardless of the messes they may cause, for she knows what matters most. She chooses to spend her days serving others and making use of the abundance the Lord has blessed us with. I cannot forget the times we worked in canning together or baking together. She is the most frugal and conservative woman I know-a true pioneer. And I know Heaven smiles down on her for the preservation she is and the credit she is to womanhood. But I do thank her for her many talks of wisdom. I thank her for her fine example of Godly womanhood/motherhood. I thank her for the inspiration she was to me, to be better. My life is forever blessed for having known her.

I surrender

So lately I have come to the realization of some things. For those of you who may stumble across this post, ignore my pessimism. You are free to read on, but be aware that this is NOT the usual uplifting post. I write this for two reasons, one to vent and two to journalize.
I have become aware of a pattern of failure with me. Everything I battle for or fight for I lose. And I have become increasingly tired of the fight. Here are some things that were important to me that I lost the battle on:
1.) To have healthy children.

To achieve this I have relentlessly researched, talked and council ed with those of experience, read numerous books, studied the word of wisdom and thought and prayed. I have spent the majority of 14 years doing this and spent hours in the kitchen preparing wholesome foods and last but not least spent hard earned money on more expensive foods. An example of this is 2 bucks for a gallon of genuine fake maple syrup or the alternative 60 dollars for the real stuff from New England. I have been the doctor for my children most of their lives. Many of them have not ever been to a doctor-I could remedy it and take care of it through herbs. But, regardless of my efforts they are sicker than any other kid I know who survives off of the modern convenience junk. The herbs I have always used with great success have been ineffective as of late. I have always believed you reap what you sow and that in time the sacrificing I was doing would be to their benefit. There is no such evidence currently. How does one of my children who fights to eat anything healthy recover quicker than the child who refuses to eat any junk and eats extremely healthy? How is it that my children catch everything and seem to have no resistance. For years I have been a fighter and refused to believe that junk food should ever prevail...To this day I have no proof. I feel I have lost the fight and I feel defeated.

2.) For all six of my children I could barely breastfeed. I would nurse every hour for a year because I believed it was healthier. I did what I could to eat right and eat well to make this happen, but to no avail. I remember begging and pleading with Heavenly Father to help me feed my children as he did Nephi's wife...but nothing changed, my children were still thin and hungry and I did lose that fight. I persevered and still nursed with a hope, but nothing changed. I lost the fight.-

3.) weight retention. It doesn't matter how much I exercise, eat right, don't eat or what I do eat-I CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT!!!!
Another lost battle.

4.) I used to believe you reap what you sow. That if you want something bad enough and work hard enough anything is possible..not so. Not for me anyway. I DO believe that law works out for others, but not for me. Trevor and I have spent the last 6 years training him for a career that could offer security, his satisfaction and a sufficient income.
This last month, we lost it all....
Many of you may know that Trevor got that job in Louisiana. We worked so hard for that. Not only Trevor in training and schooling and building time as an instructor but me on the Internet finding him a job. Hope is always in the back of your mind. You tell yourself that if you want it bad enough it is possible and it will happen. So that is what I did. I thought we had our break with this job. That all the hard work had paid off. We were going to to have a salary-more money than we have ever had. That is not the point to me, I am not a Gold Digger. But security and a stable future is what I am after. After three months of being employed, Me working mostly myself to get the house up for sale by doing repairs and packing he lost the job. Rotorcraft Leasing lost 3 helicopters in the ocean. While no one what hurt, their biggest contract left and took their business somewhere else. They were down 20% of their work and let go of 20% of their employees, Trevor being the new guy was one of them.
Here we are in my in-laws of whom we only meant to transition with and we are stuck here. It's amazing to me that in a second everything is gone. I don't have my home anymore (we have a few offers) Most of my things are sold. It's a good thing the home is up for sale, I feel ahead in that under the circumstances that is what we would have needed to do. It is so hard to lose everything. Yes, I still have Trevor and my children. But everything we worked for we have lost. It was a miracle-and it took a fight to get the job he had. I know what we are up against. I know how messed up the economy is and even worse how bad the jobs are in the nation. We have spent up to 4 hours everyday for a month trying to find something. No one is hiring. People have lost their retirement. They have had their income cut in half. With this, it has backed up the flow of employment so that guys like Trevor are stuck and there are more people than there are jobs. And because the economy is down the touring is down. No matter where we turn there doesn't feel like a solution. Sure, maybe spring might open more positions but that feels like a lifetime a way. Who at 30 wants to be completely dependant on their parents? We are discouraged and feel humiliated.
I could fight and work for a job and research like the feisty fighter in me usually does, but for what. Haven't I always lost every battle I fight. I am beginning to feel like a powerless pawn with no say in my own life. I have never asked for anything unreasonable. I am not a stuffy high maintenance wife. I don't care about jewelry, makeup, clothes and things. I don't even care about the home I live in. I know what matters most. It's the people in the home and the memories that they can fill in their life. Everything I have mentioned above is a righteous desire. I feel that out of respect I have honored the things of God and tried to be obedient to them. I am just asking for a job so that we can have sufficient for our needs.
Will this be a fight I lose too? And what am I supposed to make of the constant failure? How many of those does it take to learn learned helplessness?
(I told you this was negative.)

Because That is what Women do.

It's been 10 days since Trevor left for Louisiana. While I miss him immensely, I have been too busy to stoop over it. I have not only been working with our handy man sheetrocking, mudding, sanding,painting and repairing but I have also been dejunking, cleaning, cooking, childcare, yard and garden care, packing, sorting and even doing a garage sale.
I know, garage sale is white trash...I have always thought so. But it was an inspiration when my good friend Arlow asked not only me to join him in his garage sale, but my best friend Alicia and her family. It was a crazy day yesterday. I helped him carry a half a block down all the furniture piece by piece until midnight the morning before and then we were up at five to be ready by six. But I made money off of a lot of thing we wont be able to take and now I don't have to D.I. it or pack it. My house is empty, save a few stick of furniture pieces. But I have my children and that is what matters. It's amazing how much stuff we can collect or pack into a house. And really, It's a good thing Trevor is not here, he would put up a stink about keeping everything. (For anyone who has been in his garage knows just what I am talking about). So the pack rat he is, is a compliment to me.
Anyway, I am thoroughly exhausted. My body has been asking me to stop working but, I can't. There is too much to do. And when the construction, yard, children and moving has filled up my daylight hours I put the children to bed and stay up until around 2 to get the things done I can't do with kids about me. Then at 6:30 am, I am up again to start this all over again. But it is coming along. I am having to rely a lot on the kids to do their fair share and most of them have been helpful and understand I need their help. I don't know how I am doing it all. I take that back. I have prayed for God to sustain me, that I may do all I need to do and he has. I keep telling myself, "you can do this on step at a time." But I have not been alone either. Arlow and Michelle and Alicia and John were there to help and support me with all the furniture transportation. I COULD NOT have done that alone, even with God's help. And I am finding a strength within me that I didn't know I had. But I do it because I am a woman. And this is what women do. Sometimes I feel I can relate to the pioneers in a small way. Leaving most everything behind, going to a place that I know little about and doing it without a husband. It's pathetic really that I miss Trevor's company, but not his help. He has been so busy in school and 2 jobs that I have done everything without him for YEARS. He has brought in the money, but I have done EVERYTHING else...And that, has tapped into the inner strength of womanhood that all women possess, but need to develop.
I have another 8 or so days until Trevor gets back. I am getting excited to paint after all the repair I have done and have him come home to a lot of the projects done. My handyman has been such a blessing. I don't know how I could have done everything without him either. It is so great to have someone to ask if I am unsure about my own construction work. I can honestly say, I see the Lord's hand in helping me throughout my life and in all I do.
Trevor is doing great. He has flown out over the ocean, landed on platforms that sway in the ocean (yikes) and he is studying really hard for all the testing that is before him. I know the Lord is with him. We miss each other terribly. But I am excited and a little frightened for our new adventure. I look forward to the fresh start and the growth we may experience. I am thrilled to be in the missionary field. And last, but not least, I am excited to escape the Cache valley, never ending, long, dreary, depressing, cold, cabin feverish, boring, monotonous, restless, snow, snow clothes, ice, snow blowing, sicknesses, and vitamin D deficient winters.
While, I know everything is not going to be peachy, I choose to look for the good in every place I am at. I am just tired of finding the good in Cache Valley winters! I look forward to the larger paycheck and salary at that. I look forward to the benefits, yeah, I might be able to get Alexis braces. I look forward to nearly year round gardening.

The other night amidst bedtime and evening exhaustion from long hot and busy days I was feeling unsurprisingly overwhelmed. Trevor was trying to get the computer unfrozen and while he was waiting I grabbed him and said, "hey, let's go jump on the tramp." He looked at me and didn't know if I was okay or not but took me up on it. (I have been known to have forgotten how to have fun) We giggled in the dark as he bounced me clearly higher than I was bouncing him. Then we just laid on the tramp and looked at the moonlit sky. It was a simple beauty really. The heavens are such a wonder when you take the time to just look at them-kind of like smelling the roses. I am ashamed to say that I haven't done it in a long time. We just cuddled and pretty soon Trevor was making out faces of the clouds in the night time sky. He found a melancholy lady-Jesus with a crown on his head and some sort of an ogre...the kind he would carve in a pumpkin face. It was so healing for me to just relax and have simple fun.
I haven't posted about our current events for fear of shattering all hope. He did get an interview out of our New Orleans trip. They told him to plan on starting the next day and that they "look forward to having him on board" It's such a blessing in this unstable economy. I am so thankful to have this job, we have worked so hard for it. Yet I am afraid to say I have been less then a lady about being patient. I was reading scriptures with the children tonight 3 Nephi Chapter 13 has a sermon from Christ during his visit to the America's he said, "Be not ye therefore like unto them, for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of before ye ask him. Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and thieves break through and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal. For where your treasure is there will your heart be also. Therefore I say unto you, take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?"
In this economy and with Trevor's unpredictable and unsteady income the last few years have tested my faith-our faith many times. It's easy to give into despair however, a scripture comes to mind "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7).
All too often I have chosen or given into despair when God needed me to trust him. I am not sure why we were blessed with a job and I do feel undeserving. But I am grateful. As Trevor kept saying, "for some reason the Lord has always blessed us." I must do better and choose faith. "For behold I am God. And I am a God of miracles...and I work not among the children of men save it be according to their faith" 2 Nephi 27:23

The wise woman verses the foolish woman

Here is yet another great article I found...thought I would share. There is great work and ways for me to improve upon. But like the article says below, line upon line. Many times and in many ways I have been like the foolish woman. Indeed I am grateful for articles of reminders such as these. I am grateful for the fulfillment I receive at church and the principles taught therein. I am above all grateful for a Patient Father in Heaven and a merciful Savior who is on my side...

This morning, I began to consider Proverbs 14:1 which says, “Every wise woman builds her house: but the foolish pluck it down with her hands.” And to reflect on the wise woman verses the foolish woman. This passage contrasts two women who were both “stay-at-home” types. However, only one is praised for her virtue.

The Wise Woman

First, the wise woman will build her home. She will garnish it with the grace of feminine beauty suitable to the admiration of both sexes. She will adorn it with the flowers of fair speech, kindly intuition, and gracious acts of mercy. She may not have much in terms of material possessions, but she is thrifty and builds upon what she already has. Or, if she is wealthy, she gives much of it away for the service of God and to be used to build His kingdom. She adds to the family economy by working “willingly with her hands.” She fixes mementos in her home by making memories out of her speech, which is “the law of kindness.” It is her portrait that is seen when a stray thought returns to her home. Her husband may be grand, or less esteemed in the world’s eyes, but she builds him up in love, respect, and affection, calling him lord. She shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of his house. Her society may be disagreeable or pleasurable, but she does all that she can to benefit the downtrodden and needy. She does not shame, but builds and restores that which is broken within and without. And, to all, she is careful not to show impatience or impolite behavior. The woman who builds her house lays it with her very life, her health, and her strength. She willingly lays down her life so that others around her may flourish. Her pleasure is gained by seeing others edified and cared for.

The Foolish Woman

In opposition, the foolish woman will be the one that pulls down with her hands what she does have. That which she alone has been entrusted with to cultivate, nurture, and beautify, she destroys. With crass words, complaining lips, and a murmuring spirit, she finds discontentment in everything. Her work is to chase vanity and to imitate vain people. Rather than work on her home (her very heart) she lets the thorns of bitterness encapsulate the life pulses of love and tenderness. Mark that woman! And, approach not unto her home to learn her ways. She will continue to sink lower and lower as her foundations crumble. Eventually, she will have nothing left. She who pulls it down, uses others to gratify her own desires. Her pleasure is mounted on the displeasures and discomforts of others.

Let us, as Reforming Women, strive to be those who build up their houses.

Repentance to God and man may be a daily thing as it is with me!

You may always wonder whether you will gain the mastery over your spirit.

You may cry every day “Help me God to do what’s right.”
God sees you and he knows you.

He will comfort you so that you can comfort others. Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.”

A house is not built except one stone at a time.

Even what has been torn down can be rebuilt for service to God!

Let’s get building
the home God has given
each of us to cultivate!

The privilege of Motherhood

I had the privilege of stumbling across this blog and what an inspiration. I am thankful for these simple yet profound reminders. I have pasted the text below from her blog...I hope she doesn't mind. May just a small portion of what she has to say that I have included below be a blessing to you as it was to me...
Motherhood is a gift from God. He has perfectly designed you to be a mother (spiritually/emotionally as well as physically). God has designed you in a general way for your role, but He has also in his sovereignty designed you in a particular way for your particular children.

Embrace your role. Don’t see it only as an obligation to endure. Be creative. Enjoy it. God called you to be a wife and mother – a homemaker. A homemaker is not just a housewife. A homemaker creates a pleasant, clean, peaceful, relaxing, safe, accepting environment. A godly homemaker creates a home that honors the Lord and is overflowing with love.

Practice your calling with the same passion that you would have if you were called to be an astronaut or a doctor. Your career choice was made when your child was born. You have been called to raise a child for God. If, for example, you have the education and training to be a banker, your primary career is still being a mother and your secondary career is being a banker. If you are a teacher, you are a teacher after being a wife and mother. If you are a nurse, you are a nurse after being a wife and mother. If you are a missionary, you are a missionary after being a wife and mother. Your primary career, according to the Scriptures, is your career as a wife and mother.

Remember that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. There is no more important or significant task on planet earth than preparing the next generation to serve God.

Succor His people

I am getting caught up on some Ensigns and have come across some things that have really jumped out at me. Challenges in life are never easy. But we have a choice in adversity to search within the deepest reaches of our heart and find deep down truths that we know but have set aside or to feel angry and ignore those truths. I am thankful that no matter how low I have been, I have always been able to recognize my testimony and these truths (this is not an invitation for harsher trials). Harold B. Lee said, "Sometimes when we are going through the most sever tests, we will be nearer to God than we have any idea." Sometimes suffering comes by our own agency and other times by the agency of others but in every situation Christ is there to succor his people. "Christ suffered pains, afflictions, and temptations of every kind so he could be filled with mercy and know how to succor his people according to their infirmities" (Alma 7: 11-12). There is a simple element of truth and a principle to embrace here. It is the key of forgiveness. Christ is able to forgive because he has compassion. He suffered all that he may know how to succor. I think back to all the times in my life that required forgiveness on my part. Forgiveness was given because compassion was found. While all the key points of the atonement are deeper than I believe we can comprehend in this life, compassion is the basic key to enabling one to forgive. And I believe forgiveness is one of the things we must learn in this life, it is a Godlike characteristic. Furthermore, once again, the atonement is not for the sinner alone but the sufferer. Many times in my life when I needed someone to understand, I knew Christ could. It is comforting to me to know that he knows everything about me, how I feel, what I have been through and what my potential/intentions are/were. It is humbling and gratifying to know that he will be my defender. I am grateful for these truths. I am grateful I am learning the true character of God. I find joy in the testimony that has never let me down and for a patient Father and Brother who know me well. This past Sunday I was called, unexpectedly, into the Primary Presidency. This is a humbling calling for me. One I am grateful for and feel absolutely unworthy of. But I am honored that God would think enough of me to put me in the care of his little ones. Rest assured, I will do my utmost best. For I have covenanted to him with a resolution to serve him all the days of my life.

Time out.

Life is interesting. When one takes a time out from the busyness of things one can appreciate the more simple and subtle things of life. I have enjoyed our time at the heritage center once again for this purpose. The basics of life and refocusing are all encompassed in that little farm. I love the scriptures. Nephi is my favorite, well one of them. Perhaps it is because he is so personable about who he is and what he struggles with that I can know of him better. Many things have been jumping out at me as I have been studying my scriptures and the spirit has been teaching me. That is the beautiful thing about taking time out, humbling oneself and refocusing. As hard as it is to be humbled, at the same time it is a blessing when you turn it into a strength and use it for good. The Spirit has so much to offer and the Grace of Jesus who has mastered all to set the example are once again proof of a Father's divine love. I have often thought how neat it would be to take a time out and mediate on a solitary island. My little home and my wonderful family can be that sanctuary. Trevor is an amazing person of whom I have learned so much from. I love the man he is, feel the privilege of being sealed to such a great spirit. I am so grateful for the gift God gave me when he gave me Trevor. And if that wasn't enough, I now enjoy six heavenly spirits of whom I feel so incompetent to raise. Yet, I am not alone in this journey-I have been blessed with wonderful people who surround me and fill in the gaps that I am not able to do. Christ is one of those, I am thankful that by the grace of him my shortcomings can become enough to these children...how thankful I am for timeouts.

SO many things to be thankful for...Trevor's life was spared when he experienced an engine failure in his helicopter. This confirmed 2 things for me. 1.) He is in the Lord's hands and his life is being protected. 2.)Trevor is not only competent during high stress situations at doing the necessary procedures to save his life and anyone with him. I am so thankful to know these two things. He was complimented by the FAA representative on how well he handled himself and that he did everything possible with correctness in the situation. He was released from any responsibility of error on his part and it is believed, thus far, that he had a mechanical failure. I love this man dearly, and am thankful to know these things. I am thankful to not be a widow and we have been holding each other a little more tightly lately-praying more fervently. Shock is interesting. You never know how you are going to handle yourself. I am thankful that Trevor made the call to me and not an officer.
The two of us are flying to New Orleans to personally hand out resumes. Well, okay, I am not doing his business-I will wait in the car and read a book. But for fun I get to go. Anyone who knows me knows I don't give up. The morning of the helicopter crash I told Trevor he should go down and do it while they are hiring. After all, with all the resumes being sent in, his is just another one and a personal visit just may be the solution.I will have to post pictures. I have been having fun getting rather confused and overwhelmed with all there is to do in New Orleans according to the Internet. I must clarify that the companies we are looking into will bridge the gap he has with experience so that he can do life flight one day. Right out of school all you can do is build hours teaching. Now that he is eligible for further training he is qualified for other employment. This has been a long, slow and monotonous process. The students don't come, or the weather is poor and cannot fly, he doesn't get paid. And believe me, there is only so much ground one can do in the long Cache Valley winters. The oil rigs will hire a pilot, with experience such as his to fly the bigger aircraft and transport supplies and workers on and off shore and they pay salary! So many of the companies that do this work are a couple hours from New Orleans-Lafayette area. It's a relief to not be looking at the prospects of living directly in New Orleans and I can say that in ignorance because I haven't actually been there before. But I do believe I have heard enough. I also feel comfortable with the fact that I have my children with me, doing home school. Otherwise, I wouldn't consider it.

Alexis did well on her solo with the orchestra she was selected for. She won the spotlight as solo violinist. It was a great opportunity. I will post pictures of that later. I found her a great dress and we got her all dressed up for her night. It hit Trevor and me at just how much she is growing up. She was...is beautiful and did so well. We are proud of her and thankful for all we have been blessed with in this regard.

1996?

I found this picture from a classmate, I think it is 1996, Just before I turned 16 and got married-Yikes! I didn't realize what a baby I was. When you are that young you think you can accomplish everything, which is perhaps the way it is meant to be. There is an entire world out there that needs to be tackled and it takes all the optimism and courage one can muster. How blessed I was that I ended up with a good man who was/is willing to work and that him and I are on the same page with a lot of things. It's been good.

Formal Night

I finally got these pictures from my father-in-law of the formal night from our curise. It was nice to be able to spend that time with Trevor since we never really did get to before we became parents. Such fun memoriesI was among the very few who covered up. It felt good to be modest and stand for what I believe in.



I was having fun feeling like newly weds again

What the heck.....

So I just got done with music lessons on skype and I go upstairs to check on the rest of the kids and finish my job chart project that I have been working on, before I need to prepare dinner. And this is what I find...
3 naked boys running around
all the bedding ripped off the beds
All the toy box organizers emptied on the floor and toys everywhere.
One of those boxes used as a toilet with you know what floating in it.
All the garbage emptied everywhere, yes I need to revaccuum
oranges and orange peels strewn all over the place
clothes taken out of the drawers and closet
My job chart project scattered everywhere
(Ha, job chart-is it hopeful?)
Water and toothpaste on the floor, and it needs to be rewashed
poopy water on the micro cars-they need to be washed.
scrapbooking tape all over the carpet
ANOTHER load of laundry because of the newly soiled towels and clothes
Did I miss mentioning something? All this in an hour.
But that is three boys for you, trapped inside for going on 120 days...

Now the girls on the other hand are quietly playing with dolls

The difference between boys and girls.
Looks like I got my work cut out for me.
-and them

The Giver

This is a great book that I just finished with my children. It has so many deep thought provoking questions and makes sense of the fall of man and Eve's wisdom in her decision to partake of the fruit. I would highly recommend it to anyone with children 10 and older-maybe as young as 8. We had a great time discussing during and after this book. "It is better that we experience sorrow, that we may know the good from the evil." At first I didn't know what was going on in this book, and I heard from the kids, "not that book! It's just an old man and it looks boring!!" But then I soon realized the pure genius and creativity in the message. A classic!

Better late than never-

Here are some of the pictures from the trip to Germany/Austria/Bavaria almost 2 years ago. I just got them from my father-in-law. They were ones he took.

German Cemetary. I wish America would do it this way.
The guys infront of the entrance to Hitler's hideout.
All of us infront of a gorgeous lake/Germany

The view from inside the castle.
Neushwanstein Castle

What a talent she has...

As I mentioned, I love photography and am fascinated by beautifying things. Her are some of my favorite pictures that I have come across. I would love to hire this girl!I love the colors and the joy this one expresses.
I love how classy these two are.
They really are natural

21 Things about me...

Okay so at the top of my head, here are 11 things I like and 10 things I don't...

1. I love the art of cooking and enjoy it when it's a success with others. It's even better when it is healthy.
2.) I love to travel. I get itchy to try new things, places and people. I consider myself an adventurer. I don't like to live in one place too long thus far. When traveling in a car, I prefer the autobond. Speed is what I need-yippeee!
3.) I love knowledge and learning especially when it adds to the character.
4.) I love art. This includes portraits, especially of women (not nude) Bouguereau is my favorite artist. It has to have people in it. They tell such a fascinating story.
5.) I love music. But certain kinds. Most country (no hill billy bar stuff or nonsense songs about tractors), Most classical (It's got to paint a story and make sense.) Some alternative (current favorite is coldplay, Viva La Vida, Yellow and Clocks) I like Broadway music, Mandy Moore in Cry, Wanna be with you and especially Only hope; she has a beautiful voice. Some religious music. I like stuff like Enya and the Celtic Women. To me, if the melody sounds good then I go to the lyrics. If I don't like the Melody it's a no for me. I like to sing where nobody can hear me :)
6.) Reading, I love classic books and the epiphanies that await the reader. I love history and the study of human behavior. I am not one for cheap romance novels such as Twilight-even though the movies were entertaining. I would prefer to spend my time advancing myself. I especially love to read to my children and have discussions. Again, I only like to read the best to them. We discuss life lessons and principles and how to apply them to our lives. I would love to be a children's author and just might pursue a publisher with the books I have written.
7.)I love health and nutrition. I believe it is part of my mission in life and that I have a sacred duty to take care of my children's bodies. You will never catch me feeding my children "fruit" snacks or cold cereal. All our "fruit" snacks are real fruit and all my cereals are homemade-in fact everything I do is homemade.
8.)I love the smell of spring and basking in the warm sun surrounded by the aroma of blossoming flowers. I am completely in my element to lie in a hammock or better yet, in Trevor's arms and enjoy new life bursting forth. I love to hold a new born baby. (new life?)I love the color green, It represents life and health. But I also really like blues.
9.)I love dancing. Once, when I was twelve and my brother Jason got married, he had a friend that knew how to dance...and I mean KNEW HOW TO DANCE. He grabbed me and swung me around and I didn't have a clue what dance he was doing but there we were the center of attention and I was having the time of my life as he was completely in the lead.
10.)Trevor asked what I want to do when the kids are all out of the house. I have been so wrapped up in raising and schooling children, and supporting my husband and his career that somewhere I have forgotten what it is I like to do and who I am. I recognize this is not good. I have a curiosity for photography. I think it would be so fun to be a photographer. I also would love to illustrate children's books. Perhaps I will take an art class.
11.)I am drawn to people spiritually. I usually get along better with older people. As I was growing up, I always had more male friends. So when I do get a close girl friend it is because of a spiritual connection usually. I guess I am a deep person, I don't know how else to be. A lot of women are superficial. What you see is what you get with me. I am who I am.

Okay, for what I don't like:

1.) Pop. I hate soda and colored candy and junk like that-but I do have a weakness for chocolate. I cannot stand to see people drink pop. To think how it's ruining their bodies bothers me.
2.)Profanity, especially the Lord's name in vain...most of us are Christians and follow the 10 commandments...I don't get it.
3.)Really violent movies ( I did like the Borne series, but it has a great story.)Hated Transformers. It was so junky in every way to me. Especially the Megan Fox thing. Often I tune out and appear to be watching the show but my mind wonders and I couldn't tell you what just happened. I can sit there for a few hours and do this.
4.) Desecration of women, namely Pornography. What are we doing to ourselves. But I don't even like nude art or nudity in movies. I wont watch them.
5.)Winter (okay, I like it for about a month)
6.)Rap, Rock, most alternative, dance beat etc.
7.)Seafood. I know this is not good, so I eat and feed my family Salmon. But come on. When you see a resemblance between insects and seafood, why would you eat it? Really, Crawfish looks like a giant bug and so does lobster and Crab and shrimp. Now I have to admit the meat looks moist, flaky and good, but the smell is so bad and it looks so weird and you have to mutilate it to get to the meat...Why did someone ever look at a crab and say, "Mmmm, this looks like a giant spider, I think I will eat it?" I know I am missing out on nutrition, but I will take a supplement. Ironically I do support my children and husband in eating it...Maybe I will too one day-who knows!
8.)Crowds. I can't be around too many people for too long. I love and need people but then I have to go inside and recharge. I do love to go to parties and visit and have fun with friends. Often Trevor nudges me at a party that it is time to go, and he will leave me after church and wait for me in the car while I visit with people. When I have had my fill, I do retreat some. I prefer a home that when I walk outside, I cannot see anyone else's house. I feel claustrophobic now, and so I don't go in my yard often. I don't like to be watched and feel as if I am. But when I specifically say crowds, I am talking about Rome, Vegas or L.A. or something busy like that. You feel packed in.
9.)Public speaking. I enjoyed it as a kid in church, but now it terrifies me. I know that I could be good at it though.
10.) Fighting. I don't like it when I have upset somebody. But I also don't like Children to be disrespectful. This upsets me. Any literature or modern movies that portray this, I try not to support.

I wonder how much this matches to a "Virgo" See below.

Virgo

Recently, I have discovered more about what my zodiac symbol means. At first, when I researched it, I got harsh impressions of perfectionism, order and coldness. I can almost bet Martha Stewart is one and the character of Dana Scully on X-files. I was feeling pretty bummed about being a Virgo. But then I found this article and showed it to my husband. He laughed and said, "wow, that pretty much sums you up." It seems a little more fair as in other listings seem against virgos. Perhaps this was written by a virgo ;) There is still much I disagree with in here, but at least it's not all bad! To all those Virgos that fit the mold of order, percision and cleanliness, let me offer a cure-A husband with an unpredictable job,a house full of kids in a home under construction-That'll do it to ya!

The woman governed by Virgo cannot easily be won over. Her approach to life is direct and she can also be pessimistic, critical and something of a fusser. Yet, she is so elementally “earthy” in her judgments, that she is one of the few female types of the Zodiac who can be trusted in every way. This female frequently possesses the reasoning powers normally associated with the male population and she refuses to stoop to hiding this by adopting a veneer of helpless and feminine charm. Regardless, this woman is usually very feminine in appearance, generally being neat, small-boned and attractive with deep eyes. Beneath the surface, however, the Virgo female is quite severe in her moral judgments, despite frequently masking this with a smiling face that she presents to the world at large. She lives by her morals and principles. This woman is by no means a spoil-sport…being tolerant and wise in many ways…but she does set such high standards for herself that she often virtually seethes with inner tension. She is often critical of self, especially feeling that motherhood has diminished her attractiveness. She has a sense of health. She is frequently intellectual with the gift of language or the powers of a retentive memory which aids her in passing examinations, the Virgo female is something of an academic type. All this can be rather intimidating and frightening for the ordinary individual. However, her countenance is certainly not lacking in attractive features and she can be counted among the more prettier types of the Zodiac.

In addition, this woman can remain lively and vivacious well into old age. She usually loves travel and new things. As a long term partner, she will constantly strive for perfection in every area, backing her mate in terms of career and putting her mate first while trying to be fairly self-effacing. She most often prefers not to be the center of attention. At first, she may seem cold, but once the passion is ignited it is hard to suppress. This woman is passionate and sympathetic and her drive is to help others. As a mother, strangely enough, she can be relatively indulgent, taking infinite pains to understand her children and self-sacrifice to do so. She makes a dedicated wife and mother. The Virgo woman is considered by many to be one of the most subtle and delicately-cast females to be found in the entire Zodiac and once confident in who she is, the most dynamic. Her need is to love and be loved.


Aries - March 21 - April 20
Taurus - April 21 - May 21
Gemini - May 22 - June 21
Cancer - June 22 - July 22
Leo - July 23 - August 21
Virgo - August 22 - September 23
Libra - September 24 - October 23
Scorpio - October 24 - November 22
Sagittarius - November 23 - December 22
Capricorn - December 23 - January 20
Aquarius - January 21 - February 19
Pisces - February 20 - March 20

How well do you match with your zodiac?