Jessica 2

Here is an update for Jessica. She is doing better. Her symptoms when we moved in were these:

1.) Frequent meltdowns/rage
2.) Constant anxiety-consuming even daily basic functions
3.) Fear of eating everything-reading every label and refusing to eat if she didn't like something in the ingredients.
4.) watching me cook and insisting she help me (I think to be sure of what I put into it.)
5.) Fear of driving in the car or being away from home too long.
6.) Everything had to be in order and immaculate-or meltdowns were triggered.
7.) Fear of germs, getting sick, others getting sick.
8.) Washed her hands until they crack and bleed.
9.) Couldn't stop cleaning.
10.)The need to be perfect. In her music, schooling, looks, house (order and cleanliness) reading-everything.

As you can imagine this was all consuming for our family. No matter how hard I tried to convince her of the truth and to relax and trust me she wouldn't. In my last post I was devastated and I came to the reality that there was something seriously wrong and it was not just a phase. So I did what I could to find help... of which none is available unless I could fork out 600 a month on therapy. The only help of which I could find was only available to those with state insurance, of which we don't qualify. This brought out the charity in me as a mother. I couldn't give up on my child and lose hope. So I decided I would have to become the therapist. I ordered the books, read, studied prayed and even cried over my feelings of inadequacy. I felt trapped into being the therapist she needed and feeling fearful that I wouldn't be enough...her symptoms were scary. I felt that If I made one wrong move in helping her she may not recover correctly. Once again I was left to be the "everything" for my children when I already felt exhausted and overspread. But what was my choice? I learned many things in my studies. OCD is hereditary-and often lays dormant until a big change such as a death or a move happens. Then symptoms will flare. I had a grandfather with a severe case of it. I have recently learned that a lot of my living relatives on that side also battle with it. When I realized it wasn't anything I was responsible for (she would have picked anything to obsess about)I felt less guilty and So I began to implement the things I learned about OCD:

1.) Teach the child she is normal and this is a common condition that can be cured with a lot of work.
2.) Rename the OCD. She has picked Bossy Bess.
3.) When the thoughts get stuck teach the child to recognize that it's just Bossy Bess and she is lying again.
4.) Do the opposite of what Bossy Bess is nagging.
5.) when you do the opposite and take the fearful challenge of doing the very thing you are afraid of, you then have to stop the thought that something bad will happen because you did it or didn't do it.
At first she had so much anxiety that she would stare at a cracker, pizza, tomato soup, sandwich-anything other than fruits and vegetables for hours in tears at the thought of having to eat it. She told me she would rather not eat at all. So in my silent pleadings I had the tender mercy come to me, "St. John's Wort." I researched the affects and success of this herb knowing I couldn't afford without insurance, doctor help. Anything was worth a try. Within a couple of weeks I was able to notice her anxiety levels drop. She wasn't having the meltdowns/rage. I could reason with her, even though it was still hard. I am happy to report she is doing much better. With the anxiety levels dropped and my knowledge from the books and the spirit guiding me I am implementing and seeing slow and steady progress. She is still afraid of things, of which she is open about now. She heard the nagging voice constantly:
"Don't eat that or you will get sick and die"
"Don't do your schoolwork, you're not perfect so don't try"
"don't leave your house or you may get in a car crash"
"The house has to be perfect or germs will take over"
"Don't ride your bike or you could fall off, get hurt or even ran over by a car"
"Your music sounds terrible, don't play"
"What if you don't get enough water, you could get a UTI or Heat Stroke or Dehydrate"
"What if you can't find a bathroom your bladder might explode"
"You are not pretty especially with glasses on"
"You might throw up"
" Don't go swimming, there are germs in the pool"
"Don't play at the park...there are too many germs."
"don't go to church, they will hand out cookies"
Don't bring your ugly glasses to church or kids will tease you"
Don't bring your scriptures or you may get asked to read and you're not good enough"
"Don't go on a hike with your family, you may fall off the mountain"

It's taken a great deal of effort on all our parts to help her baby step at a time. She is learning that germs are necessary. They help our immune systems get stronger and when/how to wash hands. That Heavenly Father blessed us with a strong body. She is learning that there is a time to be messy and a time to be clean. That the boys playing with a few toys on the floor doesn't merit the house as disorderly. That when we do school it's necessary to have every one's books out and that she can let it go...we will all clean later. As before she couldn't function if the house wasn't perfect. She couldn't do school or think or music if one thing was out of place. She is learning that nobody is perfect and that is why we came to earth...to learn. She is learning that even a piece of pizza is better than nothing because it has something to offer the body. She is learning how to have moderation. It's good to make healthy choices and beware of what you eat. The process of having her eat a candy will be the last one we do...that is the hardest challenge yet. It's tough and even though the fears are there and we constantly have to work on them I am thankful we are seeing results. How grateful I am for the spirit and it's guidance. I cannot imagine parenting without it. I am thankful for this trial. Even though it's been consuming, difficult and maddening. I am learning what I came to the earth to learn. I am most grateful for a Heavenly Father's tender mercies and blessings with the whisperings I have received.