BUGS!

Earlier this spring our family studied insects. It was fantastic to get the kits and do some observing and watch the children run to them each morning to observe any changes. I am just NOW getting around to posting because of all the events these last few months. The only thing I didn't get pictures of were the ladybugs-why? I don't know. They were neat. You cant imagine that the pupae stage will turn into a lady bug. But then they hang like a caterpillar does and burst out of their exoskeleton once formed-we then enjoyed setting them free...enjoy!



Our anthill ready to observe
The ants are amazing. They just go to work...without complaining. They know what their mission is and they do it, never ceasing.
The ants have done about all they can do...now we will set them free. These were so fun to watch and observe it reminds me of the scripture Proverbs 6:6-9
"Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise; which having no guide, overseer, or ruler provideth her meat in the summer and gathereth her food in the harvest."


Caterpillars arrive in their little jar with food. They eat and eat until they form a chrysalis

Here they have formed into a chrysalis

They are coming out into their temporary cage

We get to hold them before we set them free and watch them fly off.
This is a neat way to teach people about true conversion. Butterflies are a miracle. They start out as a Caterpillar where they don't see well and are so limited. They then are trapped into a cocoon/chrysalis (the need to accept the atonement) and then they are free to rise to higher grounds and glorify God once free as a butterfly.

Beautiful Womanhood?

This is a girlie matter...so if your squeamish or uncomfortable don't continue. This Blog has become my journal in many ways so I post the feelings I have along with our family's experiences.

Alexis started her first real cycle last October and before she or I knew any better she had been going for 3 weeks. This poor girl didn't realize what was normal and wasn't. I on the other hand didn't realize how heavy it was. So when the two of us finally communicated what was going on I did all I could to help her. Six weeks into it, nothing had let up. I was trying everything to get it to stop-everything I knew wasn't helping. Finally I started asking around to the best and most respected naturalist that I have known. Everything they suggested wasn't working until I got to my Friend JoDean...she's never been wrong. By this time Alexis had been menstruating for 8 weeks. She was quite pale, week and anemic. She tested her for a clinic in Idaho. So I contacted the Doctor there for an over the phone consultation. He told me that he has helped hundreds of women with this very thing and to take a product called ovex. After a few days on this product the cycle stopped after 2.5 months of bleeding. It took a lot of effort to bring her energy level back up and I was left exhausted from the whole ordeal. The Doctor gave me a lab kit that is used to measure her hormone levels (clearly the reason she couldn't stop) However, this kit is to be used the 20th day after she started, which had come and gone by the time I started working with him.

So I have had to wait until the next cycle to evaluate her hormones and get a clear picture of what is going on; which didn't come until 7 months later. She started a cycle June 4. I thought, "okay, Ovex is available (to stop it) and the lab kit is ready to establish a treatment." So five days after her cycle began I started giving her the ovex (the soonest it can stop it) but it wasn't working. This product is 30 dollars a bottle. While it was reducing her flow it wasn't working to stop it. I called the Doctor in Idaho to ask him what he suggests. I left an urgent message to have him call me. He didn't. I called the next morning...still no return. This went on for a week and i finally told the Lady at the desk, "Yes, I am the annoying lady that keeps calling. However, my daughter is bleeding to death and I would really appreciate a call back from him as soon as possible." "oh" she says. "We couldn't find her in the system as a patient" "what does that have to do with anything?" I ask astounded. "He has been doing over the phone consultations with us." I couldn't believe this...really? How irritating. Meanwhile, I watch my daughter getting weaker and weaker; unable to help her. I felt I had been the rounds with my other friends and they all shrugged their shoulders. He was the only one with an answer, so I felt.
He called back right away (He really is a good man, my kind of perfectly balanced medical/traditional doctor-his clinic has won national awards etc.) He was speechless. He said, "I have never not had the ovex to work. The only other option you could do is birth control. It doesn't always stop it and it doesn't fix the problem. We really need to get that hormone kit in so I can formulate a treatment plan for her." With this our phone call ended and I had to wait the long and grueling 10 more days until the 20th day to do the lab kit. That anticipated day had finally arrived and we did the saliva kit to send in. I had arranged for UPS to come and pick it up...I had even paid them to do it. They usually come in the morning and by 2:00 I was nervous...they hadn't come yet. So I called, "Oh they will be out. They have until 7:00 pm" "ok" I said, " I just have a lab specimen that is time sensitive, It needs to go out today" "Don't worry, they'll be out" was her assured reply. 7:30 came and still nobody. I called the number and they said, "Oh, sorry they didn't pick it up. All of our drivers have gone home." "Do you realize I have a time sensitive lab kit that is crucial to get out? Now I am up against the weekend." I couldn't believe it-first the doctor didn't call me back for a week, now the UPS doesn't pick up this precious kit that had been waiting to be completed for 7 months. This holds in it the answer for my daughter, the cure, the end of her suffering. Meanwhile, I sit there helpless and her dependant and trusting. UPS offered no solution and so I aired it through the Post office to Oregon.
Next we had to wait the Long...LOOOONNNG 10 days to hear back the results...she's still bleeding. Ovex is slowing it down, but at 30 dollars a day. Finally the ovex gives up its medicinal effectiveness and she is bleeding heavy regardless. She doesn't have the energy anymore. Her once, 2-3 hours of music practice dwindles to 5 minutes. This brave girl keeps her chin up and her faith strong. She already missed Trek, of which I felt so angry about. I want my child to be a child and I want her to have all the experiences afforded to the youth. Yet, it was not to be so. Finally we get a call from the Doctor. Her progesterone levels are 55 when they should be 170...the reason for the everlasting period. He arranges a progesterone cream and i pay for it.
Meanwhile, I am getting ready for girls camp-I have been called to the YW and put in charge of camp. On the way there I call the Doctor, nearly a week later and the medicine has still not shown up. "Oh, we haven't mailed it yet" the receptionist confesses to me." "Please mail it, this poor girl is so weak and can't stop bleeding". At times like this you want to yell at them...your Character is tried. All I can do is maintain myself, try to remain a lady. We do girls camp and Alexis can't swim, hike or play like the other girls. She was pretty downhearted. I have her on all the iron, dessicated liver (in capsules) and chlorophyll (like a blood transfusion) She can manage. Every day I question, "How are you doing? How's your bleeding? How many pads today?" I am making her homemade bone broths as calcium clots the blood. I am giving her High Vitamin butter oil that has vitamins K1 and K2-which help in clotting. I am giving her cayenne pepper which is a healer...nothing is working, just maintaining her life. At camp I finally told my bishop what was going on and asked if he thought his wife, through her foot zoning would be able to help her. He modestly said she is a smart lady. I think he previously thought that she bailed on Trek and wimped out. It was a light bulb moment for him.
The night back from camp Alexis is in the bathroom, crying-for the first time. "All I can do is wait here to die, slowly bleeding to death, not able to do anything and be the girl I want to be. I have been faithful, I patiently waited, but he is not answering my prayer." This heart wrenching plea for help stabs me. I cry with her. I then ask Trevor to give her, yet another blessing. A fathers blessing. I am not going to assume that God is ignorant of our situation, nor can I ask him one more time to heal her...or rather, help me to heal her. All I am asking is for the comfort his daughter so needs. I tell her to keep the faith. That after the trial of our faith the miracle is wrought. The next morning I call the Bishop's wife. She works with Alexis and immediately her bleeding stops. For three days that is. Then it starts back up again. I feel as if an invisible murderer has gotten a hold of my daughter and is slowly killing her. I wake up in cold sweats at night fearful if she is still alive. In the morning I approach her room, quietly opening the door hoping to dismiss my worst fear by finding her well. The Bishop's wife assures me this is normal...the body can only process so much at once it takes a few times. So we go back to her. After the session this already feeble girl stands only to have more gushes of blood. I plead, "why? Why is it everyone that has experienced this can help their daughter or have helped many women/girls and all their suggestions, cures don't work for mine. Why am I being deprived of helping my daughter." So I do the unthinkable. I do what I never wanted to do. I take her into a female OBGYN, with no insurance and ready and willing to pay whatever it takes for the band aid. All this time I was looking for a cure a solution. Not a mask. The doctor assures me that this is normal. Her bleeding is normal and that this happens all the time to young girls. I beg to differ. This cannot be normal. She suggests birth control for 3 months, which I surprisingly willingly accept. She then looks at her and says, "she is pale, lets do blood work" She comes back with the results a little alarmed, "she is measuring a 6 which is half of what the body needs in blood level. This is cardiac risk, blood transfusion level, kidney failure level. Let's draw more blood to verify." I want to say, "Please, don't take any more blood from this girl." But I am in the Doctor's office and I succumb to the doctor's will. She verifies a little more than previously concluded and is relieved to not find her that bad off." I assure her that the things I am giving her changes her. When She doesn't take those, she could very well be close to that six. She is dizzy, can't walk, paler than a ghost and can't think. So Birth control is administered. The doctor warns me that it will affect her bones and put her at high risk for cancer...I know this. But what choice do I have? There is a chance she has Von Willebrand's disease. And Birth control may or may not regulate and fix this she notifies me.
I leave feeling bewildered, angry and forced. Why is it I can't help my daughter? Why did she suffer at my hand, when the only option was birth control? My pride is hurt. My purpose unclear. If I could go back to the beginning
and know that I would be forced into this I would have just done this in the beginning and eliminated the suffering. I was trying to finish the treatment from the doctor in Idaho. I was trying to trust him and all those that have experience with this condition. They all advice against birth control. 2 Weeks on the hormone cream didn't change anything in her. Maybe she needs it longer. Maybe I will give it to her so that she can build up a natural form of progesterone so while she is on birth control her levels will rise. And once she gets off hopefully this problem fixed.
Life is unsure, motherhood anything but dull. I have been told through blessings one day I will have an answer to all of this. In the meantime I contemplate.

Sporting a new look!

Only a mother could embrace the very one who whacks her.

Jessica 2

Here is an update for Jessica. She is doing better. Her symptoms when we moved in were these:

1.) Frequent meltdowns/rage
2.) Constant anxiety-consuming even daily basic functions
3.) Fear of eating everything-reading every label and refusing to eat if she didn't like something in the ingredients.
4.) watching me cook and insisting she help me (I think to be sure of what I put into it.)
5.) Fear of driving in the car or being away from home too long.
6.) Everything had to be in order and immaculate-or meltdowns were triggered.
7.) Fear of germs, getting sick, others getting sick.
8.) Washed her hands until they crack and bleed.
9.) Couldn't stop cleaning.
10.)The need to be perfect. In her music, schooling, looks, house (order and cleanliness) reading-everything.

As you can imagine this was all consuming for our family. No matter how hard I tried to convince her of the truth and to relax and trust me she wouldn't. In my last post I was devastated and I came to the reality that there was something seriously wrong and it was not just a phase. So I did what I could to find help... of which none is available unless I could fork out 600 a month on therapy. The only help of which I could find was only available to those with state insurance, of which we don't qualify. This brought out the charity in me as a mother. I couldn't give up on my child and lose hope. So I decided I would have to become the therapist. I ordered the books, read, studied prayed and even cried over my feelings of inadequacy. I felt trapped into being the therapist she needed and feeling fearful that I wouldn't be enough...her symptoms were scary. I felt that If I made one wrong move in helping her she may not recover correctly. Once again I was left to be the "everything" for my children when I already felt exhausted and overspread. But what was my choice? I learned many things in my studies. OCD is hereditary-and often lays dormant until a big change such as a death or a move happens. Then symptoms will flare. I had a grandfather with a severe case of it. I have recently learned that a lot of my living relatives on that side also battle with it. When I realized it wasn't anything I was responsible for (she would have picked anything to obsess about)I felt less guilty and So I began to implement the things I learned about OCD:

1.) Teach the child she is normal and this is a common condition that can be cured with a lot of work.
2.) Rename the OCD. She has picked Bossy Bess.
3.) When the thoughts get stuck teach the child to recognize that it's just Bossy Bess and she is lying again.
4.) Do the opposite of what Bossy Bess is nagging.
5.) when you do the opposite and take the fearful challenge of doing the very thing you are afraid of, you then have to stop the thought that something bad will happen because you did it or didn't do it.
At first she had so much anxiety that she would stare at a cracker, pizza, tomato soup, sandwich-anything other than fruits and vegetables for hours in tears at the thought of having to eat it. She told me she would rather not eat at all. So in my silent pleadings I had the tender mercy come to me, "St. John's Wort." I researched the affects and success of this herb knowing I couldn't afford without insurance, doctor help. Anything was worth a try. Within a couple of weeks I was able to notice her anxiety levels drop. She wasn't having the meltdowns/rage. I could reason with her, even though it was still hard. I am happy to report she is doing much better. With the anxiety levels dropped and my knowledge from the books and the spirit guiding me I am implementing and seeing slow and steady progress. She is still afraid of things, of which she is open about now. She heard the nagging voice constantly:
"Don't eat that or you will get sick and die"
"Don't do your schoolwork, you're not perfect so don't try"
"don't leave your house or you may get in a car crash"
"The house has to be perfect or germs will take over"
"Don't ride your bike or you could fall off, get hurt or even ran over by a car"
"Your music sounds terrible, don't play"
"What if you don't get enough water, you could get a UTI or Heat Stroke or Dehydrate"
"What if you can't find a bathroom your bladder might explode"
"You are not pretty especially with glasses on"
"You might throw up"
" Don't go swimming, there are germs in the pool"
"Don't play at the park...there are too many germs."
"don't go to church, they will hand out cookies"
Don't bring your ugly glasses to church or kids will tease you"
Don't bring your scriptures or you may get asked to read and you're not good enough"
"Don't go on a hike with your family, you may fall off the mountain"

It's taken a great deal of effort on all our parts to help her baby step at a time. She is learning that germs are necessary. They help our immune systems get stronger and when/how to wash hands. That Heavenly Father blessed us with a strong body. She is learning that there is a time to be messy and a time to be clean. That the boys playing with a few toys on the floor doesn't merit the house as disorderly. That when we do school it's necessary to have every one's books out and that she can let it go...we will all clean later. As before she couldn't function if the house wasn't perfect. She couldn't do school or think or music if one thing was out of place. She is learning that nobody is perfect and that is why we came to earth...to learn. She is learning that even a piece of pizza is better than nothing because it has something to offer the body. She is learning how to have moderation. It's good to make healthy choices and beware of what you eat. The process of having her eat a candy will be the last one we do...that is the hardest challenge yet. It's tough and even though the fears are there and we constantly have to work on them I am thankful we are seeing results. How grateful I am for the spirit and it's guidance. I cannot imagine parenting without it. I am thankful for this trial. Even though it's been consuming, difficult and maddening. I am learning what I came to the earth to learn. I am most grateful for a Heavenly Father's tender mercies and blessings with the whisperings I have received.

Indians!!!

Have we had an incredible opportunity! Our neighbor, as I previously mentioned is a Hopi Indian. He was more than willing, even insistent on coming over to teach our family their traditions. We had a fabulous time and I was thrilled at the honor of it. We learned so much and gained so much respect for the traditions and the basic beliefs of the Hopi. He is in many ways a perfect Christian. Their means of the law of consecration, their simple lives, their intuition with nature. I am thrilled at what he had to offer, even remind us of. I can't wait to learn more. One of these days he is going to take us to his village where they still live primitively. He will also teach us about the land and the herbs/berries found within this area. Here are the pictures!
This is a model he and his wife made to represent the Hopi pueblo villages. The book he gave us to prestudy as a family. It offered history, tradition, beliefs and the "Hopi Today"
He had the children try their Indian food. The corn (red, white, blue) is their version of popcorn. It is cooked in clean hot sand. This doesn't burst the kernel. Then it is salted with salt mined, by them, from the Grand Canyon. The little paper thin blue speck is known as a corn bread from the blue corn. It is carefully made on a hot stone and cooked over a fire until dry enough to wrap in a sheet. When finished it resembles blue specked tissue paper.(exactly rolled and half the size of tissue paper you would buy) I regret I didn't get a picture of it. As soon as he told the children to try some they gobbled it up. It was a year old and perfectly preserved. Incredible.
Two kachina dolls. One is an eagle. This is the highest honorary doll. The second is a scary monster like doll. It represents the "real" Kachina that comes once a year to collect the children who have been naughty. He comes to the door (a man in this costume)and demands the child to go with him. The mother defends her child and makes the child promise to obey from now on. This seems to work because in the Hopi nation the children are well disciplined. Both dolls are hand carved and painted. These sell for quite a bit.
Pottery. He taught the kids that there is symbolism and a story with the designs. He had them smell the earth by smelling the pottery.


Handwoven baskets from his tribe.
This Yucca woven basket is still strong at 120 years old.
Here is Mr. "Taz" his last name is long and traditional. He shortened it for us. He is holding a hand carved and naturally dyed (from flowers)Kachina doll that was his grandfather's.
This Bow and arrow is a gift the boys get at birth. Each one at first is simple to represent a blank canvas. Each year after is marked by the boy's personality and life events. The feather, blue, red, black-all have different meanings.
This is a larger one.
The girls get these "dolls" at birth until puberty, or when they lose interest in dolls. The first one they receive is mostly white as the personality is not yet determined. As the child grows and develops each year the child receives one that represents how they were at that age.
Parrot feather represents the rising and setting sun where the sky is blue. The other feathers are hawks, owl and eagle plume feathers. Only a few Indians are allowed by law to have these. Anyone else caught with Eagle feathers will be fined 25,000. He had the children feel the "medicine warmth" by holding it.
Even trying on traditional clothing.



In order to further enhance our study of Indians, we had a field trip that involved a hike to see some ancient cliff dwellings. We had a wonderful time!
Ready to hike down.
Cool little door between "homes"


Brett and Joseph pretending they're Indians in their home.
Joseph HAD to touch the cactus...why is the NO so tempting?!




Experiencing the ancient homes.



Justin is holding up the boulder so we could pass...what a gentleman.
There is still smoke from the fires.
Front view of the cliff dwellers.Our hike included a sack lunch with cheetos (he is wearing the evidence) And a caterpillar. We are studying Insects in science and even have a few caterpillars that are going to change into butterflies shortly (I'll post later)

This is an "Indian Village" that the children modeled. I told them to be creative with a cardboard box and whatever they could find in the yard to build a village.

Jessica

“A mother's love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking."
Helen Rice


As mothers we can recall our excitement upon the news of a pregnancy and immediately our thoughts flow with preparation. It was no different with me when I was pregnant with my 3 daughter Jessica. Something was unique about that pregnancy. I had compelling aspirations to research the preeminent way to bring her into the world. And as I fervently prayed other revelations were bestowed upon me as well. I had a strong impression to not vaccinate the baby. This was shocking-even absurd. Wasn't that what every responsible parent should do? As I began the process of receiving answers to that prayer I followed the steps prerequisite for revelation. I studied hours, days and even weeks about the history of inoculations, causes and biological origination of each disease. I studied reported side effects. I couldn't believe what I was learning. And I felt the assurance that it was not good for this child with an unshakable conviction. After approaching Trevor, he trusted my experiences and we decided to pray over the matter. That night, before I knew what baby we were having I dreamt that The baby was a girl. And I saw her in a field of flowers about six months of age. She looked up at me and as clear as if she was there said, "thank you mommy". As time went on I can say that I felt as if I was pregnant with my best friend. I knew that I knew her from the preexistence.
I proceeded to plan a medication free delivery with a loving midwife (of whom I dreamt about and saw her face. The next day, after interviewing many midwifes, she came into the room and it was the same woman from my dream). Jessica was born naturally in a loving atmosphere.

As she grew I wanted to raise her the way God would have me...give her the best. I nursed her over a year and gave her the best foods I could find after weaning. I recognized the importance of brain development and wouldn't settle for less than the best. I felt so close to her and loved her dearly.
These are things every mother wants. I am no different then the next. As mothers we have an innate need to nurture, protect, care for, teach and nourish our little ones. We only hope for a "happily ever after" with our sacrifices and love.
But life doesn't always happen that way. It's not suppose to be that way. The one child I worked so hard for, have given my life to and dedicated more pep talks, displayed more patience and even had to repent over my failings has OCD. A ruinous kind if left untreated.
I have mingled with the hope for years that I could help her, unaware of the reality of her physical disorder. A mother's love is the closest thing to Christ's love-it is pure charity and it never faileth. I have struggled with her, wept about her and pleaded for her. This past week has been devastating as I came to accept that it is out of my hands. The same mother in me that wiped every tear, bandaged every wound and exchanged every doubt for confidence wants to remedy this one. It breaks your heart to see your child suffer, to know that you will need to dive into the unknown of psychologists and medicine and that you as a mother couldn't ameliorate this one. It feels like a failure and the hope dispels as images from the movies A Beautiful Mind and What about Bob (without the comedy) come to mind.
After my darkest hour with acceptance I came to a concurrence with the spirit to do the Lord's will. I have felt the tender mercies of the spirit mollify my distress. There IS still hope. I feel the gratitude for this child. For did she commit to teach me lessons in the preexistence at the expense of normality? She can be the source to turn my weaknesses into strengths and I marvel at her spirit.
No mother is void of these things. Childbearing is like a box of chocolates, you never know which one you're going to get. For each one, like a child, comes with differences AND challenges all their own. However, in every case the experience will be both bitter and Sweet. I recognize it could be worse and I am thankful that this challenge is mine. I trust the spirit to guide me with God's child and pray for the worthiness to receive it. As mothers we, at large, have an impact on who they become.

"God bless my mother; all that I am or ever hope to be I owe her."Abraham Lincoln