Ericksens and their Half Dozen

Updates!!

2012-01-23T08:20:00.000-08:00

Trevor passed a long 3 weeks of gruelingly intense testing and training for this new job in Vegas. Even though it was a transfer from Arizona with the same company, they are a lot more strict here. So yay! We will see a paycheck!

This new paycheck is affording Orthodontic work for the kids.

MaKayla has braces! (the poor dear has needed them badly. She has been spreading her palate with an expander to make room for her teeth; this process is the new wave in orthodontics and it started in Arizona.)

Jessica will get her expander soon and braces shortly after.

Justin will get his expander and hopefully wont need braces at all.

School is going well. While it was an adjustment for all it is. My favorite thing is when people say to me, "I know how you feel. Give it two months and you will adjust."
I think, "really? Do you honestly know how it is to give 6 children anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes each night for homework...that is on average 4-6 hours a night of homework help for 6 children." Plus, I have the 8 lunches to pack, 8 water canteens to clean and refill, 6 uniforms to make sure are starched, ironed and laid out ready to go. Dinner to make and clean up after, laundry and dishes to cycle. It's all nearly impossible! And I find I don't have time for the extras at all. These well meaning individuals have two to three children in school and the youngest is in either Preschool or Kindergarten...that doesn't compare. Sorry, it doesn't. But I wouldn't trade my children. I love them dearly and they are getting the hang and flow of things, working into more independence. Every Saturday I spend half the day cleaning and baking and the other half catching up on homework. There is really no time for the extras. It's a good busy. Thank heavens I like to be busy.

This brings me to my next update...my thyroid. I finally went to the Nevada clinic where they use biomeridian machines to determine what the cause is and what treatment is necessary. I have noticed I am not as depressed, and I have noticed a significant amount of energy increased. This was a welcome with my new busy life. I have yet to notice a metabolism increase...PLEASE KICK IN!!

The children are doing well musically. Alexis has been invited to study with WeiWei Le in UNLV. She doesn't take too many students and expects a lot out of the ones she has. She requires 3 hours a day of practicing and has confidence she could help Alexis go where ever she wants to musically. She was impressed with her playing.

MaKayla has yet to meet with Tianna of UNLV for her viola studies. We are excited to meet her and continue our studies.

Jessica, Our little "August Rush Boy" type genius was invited to study with either Dr. Andy White at UNLV or another mentor at Nevada School of the Arts. She is very musical and needs a mentor to help her take off and make sense of the music she hears in her mind.(Ooohhh, this was taken years ago in Logan's Utah State University, right before a competition.)

Justin, I will get him with a piano teacher the first part of February.

It's all been crazy trying to adjust, find schools, get over the holidays and meet with teachers. I have learned that the student needs to pick their teacher at an older level (like the girls' age). They need to be compatible and the student inspired. The chemistry has to work in order for that to happen.

So...here we are with all these updates!

A New Chapter...School.

2012-01-07T14:10:00.000-08:00

I have known for a while that changes needed to be made with my children's schooling. It was so difficult to manage the needs of 6 children, from a high school age to Kindergarten. I felt so divided and spread thin. All mothers know when this happens, nothing gets done really well. I felt that I was short changing my children, which resulted in feeling like a failure. I was once wonder Mother who did fantastic projects, crafts, snacks, field trips, reading classical works to, cooking healthy meals for, gardening with, developing artistry and critiquing music for. We must not leave out, teaching the children to work, manage the house with, pay bills and budget for, run the errands. You know-it's life. For me, for some reason I always went the extra mile, wanting to provide the best for and achieve the most. I always felt-if anyone can educate these children-it's me. There's only 6. How can I not do just as good of a job. And for years I felt the spirit's confirmation of peace that what I was doing was right for the time. People would ask me, "how long are you going to Home School?" I would answer, "Until the Spirit directs me differently." Maybe it's the wipe out that unemployment naturally brings. Maybe it's the hardship of living in the bubble we did while in Arizona. Maybe moving 3 times in 3 states in 1 year did it. But I found myself drowning. Maybe all this drama our family has been through was what needed to happen to get me to throw in the towel-because I wouldn't have done it any other way. The Spirit whispered that something needed to change. I felt my stomach turn and the peace was gone so I knew Something had to be done. I began researching options for my children, all while feeling like it was because I couldn't do it anymore. Like I failed them. I felt guilt that the boys wouldn't get the quality time with me that the girls did. Then the spirit revealed to me the obvious. "Boys are wired differently. They are designed to want to be out in the world so that they can achieve, compete and succeed, and one day provide for a family." I of course felt devastated that I couldn't offer that to them, but I accepted the guidance.
So it started my path of finding a suitable school for my children. Let's face it. Nevada is the 49 out of 50 states in the public schools. This isn't happy valley, Cache Valley Utah...This is broken homes, strip families, morally questionable environments amongst the good families. This was not a decision to be taken lightly. So I turned to Charter schools-toured, asked many people and read websites. It was better than just a public school-but the waiting lists were long. With a lottery system, trying to get 6 children in would be improbable in a timely manner. I knew my children had needs in education that couldn't wait with a lottery. Something needed to be done now.
While researching I went to Trevor's work Christmas Party. While visiting with a middle aged woman there she told me about a great Christian, (Partial to LDS) Classical, Faith based-Patriotic private school, that her children attended Years ago. So I came home, looked at the fees times 6 and knew that my children wouldn't be able to go there and sadly gave up the idea. This liberal arts school was everything that I was trying to achieve for my children at home. The director has a degree in Law from BYU and completed studies at George Wythe-Everything I could ask for. As badly as I wanted it, it wasn't going to happen. Man! Six Children are expensive. At another Christmas party, my cousins wife was telling me her kids went there years ago and parents volunteered help to reduce the costs...this was my in!
I offered my services in whatever capacity and....We are in! The kids had their first week. I worked where was needed, from a Librarian, to cleaning walls and baseboards, to filing, to the front desk/secretary. There may come a time I will take a class and substitute. Can I just say...what a perfect arrangement! I am still there with my children and yet, I kind of have a job! I never wanted a job. I recognize that the most important work I can do is the work I do at home. However, this was the only way to get them in there. I consider myself fully devoted to my children and whatever is best for them. I always have.
It's crazy. The school is four days a week, because Monday is family day. So the days I work I have to have their uniforms ironed, washed and ready the night before. Lunch packed for 8 people-a healthy home made lunch at that. Dinner to prepare for each night and homework to oversee. Whew. It's a good tiring. Welcome to working momhood.
Kids are adjusting. The school is highly advanced and the kids will need to step up. It will be great to have someone else for them to answer to and impress with school work...maybe mom is too soft. The kids get to go to the math class of their level...so they don't feel frustrated amongst peers. This was a hardship for many people in school. This entire school adjusts by levels in math. Can I say, the spirit is so strong there. Patriotic pictures adorn the walls, with scripture quotes and pictures of Christ. Respect and reverence are accepted. I walk into a class and I hear "Good morning Mrs. Ericksen." in unisome while the children stand from their desks to greet me. I walk down the halls and the children address me the same. This place is incredible. I am privileged to be part of it and I am thankful for the like minded people I can work with. I honored and humbled that I can give my children the chance for an education of this magnitude. I am grateful for teachers who work harmoniously together to ensure proper principles and a love for learning are taught. I am grateful for Heavenly Father's direction...he always knows what is best for his children.

Surreal

2011-11-16T20:27:00.000-08:00

I have to say that when it is 75 degrees outside, kids in shorts, family walking to the park and just basking in the sun it all feels a little surreal. Sure I know it will hit me in the summer when the warm weather catches up and its 115 outside. But for now, I am enjoying all the vitamin D. But I have to remind myself that Christmas is in 38 days and It feels as if I should be planting in my garden. I like it though...no complaints from me. Perhaps I am waiting for it all to disappear and fail on us like so many other plans. (Louisiana, Houston, New York) Maybe I am afraid to settle for fear of getting attached and losing it all. (Like moving away from Williams Arizona.) So I am numb. I asked a few transplants if they had a hard time getting used to Vegas, one Massachusetts sister replied, "oh yes! It takes about 2 years." She then proceeded to say you can grow about anything here. I'd like to try. Seriously.
For every move, there is a gain and a loss. I have gained the no snow, warm winters and longer growing season. I have gained the cheaper house price and the better paying job.
But at the same time I have lost my some dear friends the Jenkins, Kupiecs and the Hancocks. Nobody every replaces people...not when they have seen you through so much. I miss them. I have lost my honey factory, raw milk, heritage center, green mountains and large garden.
And some things are the same...the temple is close, Seminary is close, a lot of church members and I have my basic family unit to hold, cherish and nurture. There is a great homeschool organization that honors the Thomas Jefferson Education principles. I knew we'd be okay when I learned of it's thriving influence here.
Life never turns out the way you expect it. Sometimes you find yourself questioning the very ground you stand on. But here I am, adjusting. It's not easy moving three times in one year and going from one expectation to the next in your planning. I feel as if I have lived all over from Utah to Arizona and down to Louisiana and Texas and over to New York only to retrace our steps and settle in Las Vegas all in one year. It's been a roller coaster. But I am thankful for the year round great salary job and the church, temple and Seminary (of which Alexis is devouring every minute of it). I once again find the good in where I am at. But I wouldn't be honest if I didn't confess that it's been rather difficult. My life to me is not about the money, the new home in a cookie cutter neighborhood. A woman identifies with her home-it's where her heart is. I would be entirely and completely satisfied in a little cottage surrounded by my gardens. Simple that's me. I would take a quaint and charming home any day over a new and modern one. Looking over the vast and endless packed subdivisions I feel as if I am in Mexico with all the tiled roofs, palm trees and spanish style everywhere. Everything here is so different from what I imagined for my children. It just simply is an adjustment and sometimes that is a matter of time.

Continue in Patience

2011-10-20T17:50:00.000-07:00

So, Plan B is in action. Trevor talked to his Boss a few weeks ago (a friend that goes back to Mountain Ridge Helicopters, where they worked together in Logan, Utah)about New York and how he was going to have to turn it down. His Boss mentioned, "Why don't I see if I can recommend you for our Las Vegas location?" Trevor and I both hate Las Vegas, the drinking, the gambling, the practically naked women that people don't call porn, but business entertainment instead. Trevor knew that was something to pray about and discuss as a couple-so we did. At this point, who cares, a job is a job right? So he accepts. We have heard just as many good things about Las Vegas from the people that we know who live there. I have to remember that we are keeping the commandments and have requested to go where the Lord wants us to go. If it's meant to be it will be. So he interviews and gets the job. The best part is, it's more than double what he is making now and in a depressed market that could go really far. We feel so blessed. So Monday (24) we are headed there to check out some rentals. This job is permanent-year round, pays extremely well, close to California for vacations and to Utah for family. There are plenty of seminaries there for Alexis to attend and best of all, there is a temple. Oh how I've missed it. It is a desert-yes. But I have a plan. I always try to make the most of where I am at. A few homes I noticed have wells. With all that good weather you just need water to grow some amazing things. I care about what I feed my family and I have missed food from the garden and raw milk fresh from the dairy. It is my hope-yes hope to be able to have some chickens, a mini jersey cowHere is one pictured full grown-They rave about the docility of these animals and the more manageable and efficient size. Oh, and the milk has been sorely missed! And I hope to be able to garden-even if it's in raised beds. Nearly year round-can't beat that! Here is a picture of a preserve in Las Vegas that teach people how to grow things in the desert and offer advice and help Was this ever my idea to go there...no. But I am so thankful for the job. Again for the opportunities. I am thankful for the ability to find the good in every situation presented to me. So, it's making the most of what has been given to you. I try to find the good and harmonize The way Trevor and I want to raise our kids with where his jobs take him. If we like it, we wouldn't ever have to leave. I feel so blessed that I waited-the Lord gave us something so much better than New York. It reminds me of a talk clip from President Uchdorf that I listened to a year ago. He says that sometimes when times are rough, if we will learn to be patient the Lord will bless us. Sometimes we have to put off the things that we want for something even better. I always laugh and then think to myself when people say, "oh, you Home school, I could never do that, I don't have the patience." I think, "I don't have it either, but am learning it." Sometimes I am better at it than other times, but I do believe it is a Godly Characteristic-something that is required to learn in order to become a God-it must be one of our goals to learn and master. The Lord is teaching me this very thing-to be patient.

Our time in Williams

2011-10-12T19:07:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pictures of our time here to document our accomplishments, experiences and memories. Somethings I didn't get pictures of are:

We accomplished a ton with homeschooling and the kids are making remarkable progress.
We enjoyed both sets of grandparents coming to visit
Alexis on Birth control is doing better (though it has it's side effects) and we are nearly to the point of trying to see if her body has adjusted and regulated.
The girls have learned to cook so much more. Bread, main dishes, deserts, salads, rice, granola, yogurt-I've been working with them to teach them.
Justin is nearly done with the Bear level of scouts-before he is even a bear.
Justin went from Kindergarten level last fall (I waited on him) to half way through
4th grade-he's just plowing and Joseph is right behind him. Smart wits.

There really is so much more I am sure I forgot to name...but we have made the most of our time here and accomplished much. Perhaps we can all look at our lives the same way. When you sit back and take note of the last six months we accomplish more than we realize.

Trevor had a challenge for the kids-they needed to come up with something creative to do during 2 weeks. If they did they would earn a trip to the dollar store. Not much but some of them took on the challenge. Alexis made this bowl from sifted rock-the red rock around here. She made a paste, mixed it with water and glue-pressed it in a bowl and formed this pottery.
Down here we have the three little pigs and their "straw house" again, done by Alexis.

My front yard-where we enjoyed the solitude and quietude.
Our little 3 bedroom rental (the 3 car garage makes it look bigger). Where we learned to live in smaller spaces and that things and a house don't matter-family does.
Joseph turned 5
Alexis turned 14.
We enjoyed many hikes and the Indian culture here.
Jessica was on a real low with OCD and is learning how to master this trial. It's an on going fight. But we have the tools to combat
MaKayla turned 12 here.
Relishing in the wildflowers
MaKayla got a grown up haircut paid for with her own earned money
Arizona's many (surprisingly) constant wild flowers. It's fun to pick a bouquet for the table.
Alexis decorated the fridge for her dad's birthday. This is a helicopter scene. She studied on the computer pictures, helicopter colors and types of helicopters and placed them accordingly.

Cute little Trevor's parents treating the kids (or spoiling rather) to a refreshment at Bearizona park. They came down too and we had so much fun with them. I will post an entire post of our events with them...to come soon.
These are pictures Trevor took during one of his tours of the Grand Canyon

These are pictures Trevor took during his interview in New York

These are pictures of the lava tubes cave. An ancient volcano made tubes as the outside of the flow cooled off and the inside continued to flow. It left hollow tube like caves. We hiked them. Pretty neat. And Free too, can't beat that.

The kids sitting on the cow from "Rod's Steak House" on Route 66

this tree appears to have been struck by lightning. There is a spiral burn mark all the way down this tree. This is in the forest behind our house.

cute little bridge under the train tracks to get to our house.

Brett Finally gained weight.

We went on many walks this summer around the many lakes near our home. Beautiful.

(This Amazon looking frog was tempting to touch, but we didn't. Isn't he beautiful)

Once again, here is Jason with Justin's nearly prize catch. Justin caught this himself. A near record. He has become quite the fisherman while living here and has out fished many. He even used a Barnes and Noble gift card to buy a book on fishing. He reads this advanced book and studies it...so cute.

We got a bigger car. It's known as the "mormon mover" And best of all-we don't owe anything on it. It feels so good to be debt free. And it feels good to have room and finally fit in a vehicle.

And Trevor got himself a new car...this Lamborgini JUST KIDDING! He flew a bunch of guys who came in on an entire fleet of these 200K+ cars. (waste of money if you ask me)

Last Spring when we flew down to Arizona to check out housing, on the way back we flew into Denver to stop and See my brother Ryan and his practice, cute family and beautiful home. I am so proud of him. He is humbly successful and I am thankful to have him as a brother. Way to go Ryan!

Two cute little boys if I do say so myself.

On the kid's Birthdays Trevor treated them to a date golfing. Here is Alexis on her Birthday.

And here's MaKayla

Nevermind...

2011-09-27T12:54:00.000-07:00

New York is out of the plan. As we were planning "hidden" expenses kept popping up, like the taxes, the 2000 broker fee just to get into the house, the double utilities until finally the last straw the toll fee just to get into his base in New Jersey is from 300-400 a month. Even the most conservative cannot conserve enough against the inevitable. We tried to make it work, but every time we looked at the expenses it just didn't look right. The company should be ashamed to offer a trained pilot a salary so low in such a high cost of living state. It forced us to re look at our family, goals and direction. Trevor would have loved the job itself-gaining a lot of experience. I think the that is what the spirit confirmed. But when he got the salary offer he felt sick, naturally. It's much less than we thought it would be. And I as a wife tried to make it a possibility for him. But it barely paid the bills and the spirit confirmed a sick feeling everytime he tought about the money part of the job. He ironically flew several people from New York this last week and asked them about the salary offer for a family, they all said, without reservation, "that is low and you will struggle." And like Trevor said, "I think it's financial suicide to go out there." and "I just don't see spending 10,000 to get out there and work for a job that pays so little."
So here we are, had to cancel the Uhaul reservation, cancel the utility cancels, unpack a few boxes-just living on the essentials. I don't know how much longer we will be here-half packed. Trevor is completing his last day for the season and then we will send resumes out yet again. His boss is helping him with the resources he knows. We will do everything we can.
It's a frightening thing to look at unemployment in the face-almost exactly a year later. That is part of the reason we were willing to take the New York job, even if it paid less. Just to escape unemployment. I can't say I haven't shed my tears, or had my fears. But I once again choose faith. Trevor is at a different place both in hours and experience. I don't foresee the run-around like we have had the last few years (if the job in Louisiana worked out we wouldn't have had the run around like we did). We are living the commandments, God will help us. Like Paul said, "I am fighting a good fight and keeping the faith."

New York City? Really?

2011-09-17T06:29:00.000-07:00

When I sent resumes all over the country I couldn't believe the only people to respond back was a company out of New York. My first thoughts was "that is the last place in the world I have ever wanted to return to" (I was there at 8)And then I thought how comical it is that the two places I have never wanted to live were Arizona (because of the desert I thought it was) to New York because I can't imagine that kind of living and all those crowds. Trevor and I are farm people. We would love a hobby farm out in the middle of next to no where. We always thought that teaching children a work ethic was important. Teaching them gratitude and to appreciate the simple things of life. Living here, in a quiet neighborhood where the neighbors only come up for a few weeks in the summer, it's extremely quiet. I have made the most of it, gotten a lot of schooling done, and taught many skills from scouts to cooking for my children. And now I realize that this is not right. These children have been living in a bubble, unintentionally, and it's not good for them. To be home schooled with no social outlet and really no neighbors/they are the only kids in the area is not healthy. I want my children to have opportunities. I have known Alexis should probably take 1 or so electives along with seminary in high school. She needs to get out from me just a little. My hope for her is to get her a tutor and get her GED ASAP so she can start College. She has a goal of being done before marriage and I think with hard work she can do it. I am experiencing that boys are a different species than girls. Justin is way too social to be cooped up.
So I have reflected A lot on New York and had the time to. I sent resumes out for Trevor the end of July and the beginning of August. Right a way a gentleman (Norwegian by origin) Got right back and wanted Trevor to meet with him the end of August as he was in Norway vacationing. So Trevor got the flight booked (well I did) and he was prepared with an open mind for anything. When you have experienced the helplessness of unemployment and dependency on family you never want to go back to that. You will do anything to avoid it. A few years ago New York would have been out of the question. But now, as life teaches you, it's accepted. So anyway, he is planning to go and the very day he is supposed to fly out, all flights are cancelled due to the hurricane. This was stressful. Because the lay off day for Trevor is the 22nd of September and our lease is up the end of September. We needed to know, to make plans. Still no other job offers and nothing being posted as prospects.
Anyway, mid September he finally goes out there. I fast and pray that Trevor will have the spirit to be with him. That if it is wrong he will feel sick. That if it be right he will feel peace and confidence. This gentleman (multimillionaire) couldn't have been more perfect. Trevor couldn't say enough good about this "super super genuinely nice man" The two of them got along beautifully and Trevor had peace and confidence. This company does several charters (for the rich) and tours of the city.

I guess a lot of visitors will pay for a tour because there is no waiting, traffic, extra fees and they see it all in a half hour. But the good news is they do long line utility work, photography and are even developing a contract for Paramount Pictures to assist in movie production. This is a great company, willing to take Trevor, just under hours yet again, and the only one I might add. Trevor was ecstatic and never surer about anything until he got the salary offer. It's the same as what he is making now but in the country's most expensive city. We were shocked. Naturally salaries go up in higher cost of living areas. We have seen this from Utah to California. So this put me to work to find a solution. This job is perfect for Trevor and has so much for the kids. Can I as his wife use his money wisely enough to assist him with this? I have always felt that when a man is the soul provider the woman contributes by how she uses that money.
Can I find a place comparable to our current rent? Can I start making from scratch again everything? (yes I have slacked a little) Is there some suburban area that has something for a yard that I can garden in and cut food cost down? I was considering Connecticut because they have property with their homes (remember we are farm people). I thought maybe we could really have it all. Country life, next to the biggest city with everything imaginable to do. With the help of Grandparents and tuition (that they graciously do) we could have access to some of the greatest music instructors. Julliard is right there and what a fine inspiring tour for the kids. There are home school groups and museums and programs for kids.
But after the Salary offer my search had to go elsewhere. Connecticut is too high.

I went to LDS.org and used a map to find the churches. I just randomly selected one and looked up the Bishops number. He is in the coast guard, about to retire and works with a lady that helps military find homes. He put her to work to help us off base. He works/lives on Staten Island. I started looking into Staten Island and housing. After hours and days and even weeks of research it was looking hopeless, impossible. But I found something I think will work
This home is 20 minutes from Trevor's work, 9 minutes from the church and get this...3 miles from Historical Richmond town where they do the farm and history reenacting. Just like in Wellsville at the American West Heritage Center.
Some of the best years of our lives were spent at the Heritage center and along with our good friends, raw milk and honey factory We have longed to have a similar experience. Best of all they need help on the vegetable/animal farm and they need interpreters. I may be able to "volunteer" and barter for vegetables, fruits, eggs, milk. I've already been incontact with them and they are excited to have us.
What could be more perfect? I had the Bishop look over this neighborhood, his coworker is going to take more pictures of it. It checked out on neighborhood scout and I researched Annadale area of Staten Island where this home it. It was a fluke I found it. Yet I know the spirit guided me, I think. If it checks out 100% I will credit the spirit because God only works for our best interests. And this home is vacant. We can prepare to have a place to go and for Trevor to start working. This home is a better option than this or even this
I hope all will come together. Talk about cutting it close! UPDATES TO COME

"A Very Merry UnBirthday Tooooo Yooouu!"

2011-09-09T17:14:00.000-07:00

Little did I realize the wisdom behind this tea party that Alice had in wonderland. Two boys have birthdays right before Christmas, in the middle of Winter. There is not a lot to do and never the money to do it nor the friends that can come because December is full of other hustle and holiday cheer. So, because there have been more boys and friends in general here than we have had anywhere else, I decided now is the time to throw them an Unbirthday party-their first ever. And to make it simpler just combine all three of them into one big event. Worked beautifully. I love that life teaches you to simplify...
We decided to do a pirate party because there are SOO many things available. When each boy/girl arrived they were fitted with a ring, eye patch and a bandanna

These invitations contained an eye patch, skeleton ring, sand and the party details. So fun!
Some of the decor and party favors that were given. I laid them out to photograph to have the boys remember.

Party favors were prepared and stored in these bags. They contained skeleton candies that the kids can piece together like a puzzle. Bubblegum coins, Pirate Yo-yos, Pirate bouncy balls, and skeleton rings

Our front door

Here are the cakes-pirate ships. Not the best job, but fun nonetheless. So simple and the boys were thrilled

They are giving them some presents.

My right hand man-he was wonderful to help out.
Brett with one of his friends (MaKayla took these and they unfortunately turned out blurry)

Brett

Instructing for a game.

Preparing for a three legged race, after all pirates are known to have a peg leg.

We staged a ship battle scene and the boys and girls decided to be against each other. They had a blast! Easy, convenient boxes (for our move again)and pirate decorations-we smashed up paper lunch bags and they used these as cannons. The teams launched these, trying to get the most on the other side while the "Pirates of the Caribbean" theme song played. When the music ended the team with the most paper on their side lost, their ship sunk.

Friends in Flowers

2011-08-26T06:04:00.000-07:00

We went with our friends to take some pictures in the wildflowers nearby-we were slightly late as the radiant yellows faded somewhat. Every time you would drive by these it was a neon yellow-like a glowing lake. Pretty fun. We have Katie Ellico 13, Cassie Ellico 10 (Yes! Finally a friend for Jessica) Rachel Ellico-8. They brought their Friend Destiny-short dark hair

Justin

2011-08-25T07:47:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post about Justin as he has grown so much this last year-even this last six months. Here are some of his activities...

Justin enjoying the hammock...wait a minute-THERE'S A GIRL IN THERE! This is Rachel Ellico, Justin's friend. We are good friends with their family. Jason, her dad is posted about below.

Trevor took the boys on a father's sons outing. Here he is being a good helper.

Here I am teaching Justin Piano. His teacher asked me one day, "what are you doing with this kid? Do you realize that in just a few months he has accomplished what most kids do in 2 years. He is very gifted. Does he practice an hour a day?" I said, (shocked of course) "He practices 15 or 20 minutes a day." She said, "another year with him and I would have to recommend him elsewhere." He is a joy to teach. He just gets it. He is very bright and quick to learn. Only downfall is he tends to be lazy about his ability. Always looking for the quick way out. If only he could combine dedication with his wit
Exploring in the abundant forests. He loves playing war in the battle fields of his mind. He and his brothers find sticks that look like guns and go to imagine. Nice on the pocketbook.

Here he is with a crawfish. Trevor and him have caught full traps of these in the nearby lakes, brought them home and had a crawfish feast. Some of them ended up as pets where the boys in a Tupperware box built a home for them with rocks and plants and fed them for a few days. (this I insisted be left out on the porch) a few days later I went with Justin to release them back into the lake while reminding him not to play with or name his food.

Justin at scouts (his dad is his leader) went to the fire station. He is sitting in the truck and thoroughly enjoying it. He loves scouts! It's one of the highlights of his life. He is not a bear yet, but 40% done with the Bear book. He is just doing well with so many things.

Okay, my son is a fisherman...He is the kind that movies are made out of. No kidding. He can outfish, outwait any fisherman that I have met. He patiently waits longer than his dad...could do it all day. He can catch a fish when no one else can. When he does catch its always the biggest fish. Justin nearly set a record with a catfish caught on a weak line. Seriously Jason our Highway patrol friend took Justin and his nephew fishing one evening which turned out to be 6 hours. Justin caught this fish and patiently reeled it in. Jason said, "I can't believe the line didn't break. I kept expecting this young boy to not know what he was doing, work too quickly and snap the line. So I just patiently watched him to see what he would do. It's like he had an innate sense of what he should do to reel him in. Amazing." So Jason was so impressed by the size of this fish he quickly went to have it tagged and weighed the next day. It was a few ounces off from being a record here. But he said that Justin is quickly becoming a legend for the young boy that caught a near 15 pound catfish on microfilament line-that didn't snap. Jason proudly took these pictures from his phone and showed the ward on Sunday. We later had a fish fry with their family. And because there was so much meat left over (uncooked) we took it camping as a family and cooked in in the charcoals of the fire.

Here's Jason who had his wife take a picture of him with the Fish in his kitchen. He is so good to build people up. Very positive. They have been such good friends to us. We appreciate their example and friendship during our time here in Williams.

Our Schooling Days

2011-08-19T17:31:00.000-07:00

I thought I would document what we do in a typical school day.

!.)Breakfast-girls help and learn to cook (no I don't do cold cereal)
2.)Chores after Breakfast. This includes alternating laundry, ironing, garbage, organizing a cupboard, counters, floors, table and the classic dishes. Weekends we do windows, beds, dusting and sweeping porch. I also clean out several cupboards to reorganize and do fridge. These are all alternated with me helping the little ones as the older ones have learned them and can work independently.
3.) Music-the two oldest are independent now so I help Jessica(cello) and Justin(piano).
4.)Foreign language-boys picked Spanish girls picked french-each does her/his lesson at their own pace.
5.)typing-younger ones have a typing program that they use, older ones that have graduated this use McGuffey readers (yes from 1836)to type the lesson in there.
6.)Spelling
7.)Penmanship-older ones use a paragraph in McGuffey to practice, younger ones use tablets-Alexis is using a McGuffey Penmanship program from the 1800s that teaches old-fashioned cursive. MaKayla is about ready for this-while she knows cursive she wants to learn this style. I actually let my children chose whether they want to learn cursive or not.
8.)Math-Alternate helping all children
9.)English-Alexis finished the books, Makayla and Jessica are working through them.
10.) I help the little boys with phonics and Justin with a more advanced version-from
Explode the code workbooks. He also has a comprehensive workbook.
11.)I read with the little boys-Justin which includes 2 chapters from simpler readers. For the littlest ones I like the Bob books, Dick and Jane, Mennonite readers that teach about God and Bible stories, and the McGuffey primers.
I also still read with Jessica, though I am weaning from it. She needed glasses, then with the OCD she has been very slow at academics. I do see an improvement as she is getting treatment for both.
12.)Those that don't know their music note reading do the online program that teaches them the notes-Justin and I think Jessica finally has mastered it.
13.)lunch-i usually do left overs or have the girls help whip up something simple as I am trying to teach them how to cook and I am preparing science and/or history for after lunch.
14.)Science-we have just completed the human body. I like the series from Apologia-creation based that recognizes God. They have several textbooks. We've done astronomy, Flying Creatures of the fifth day (insects, birds,bugs, bats). I am about to start Botany.
15.)US history
16.) Dinner-while I do it and have them watch and learn while helping me, I sometimes have them look up recipes themselves. Alexis picked an Indian recipe and I guided her through it.
17.)creative time. Sometimes we do an art project. Sometimes we cook homemade bread or cookies. I have helped Justin A LOT with scouts. He is making great progress.
18.)Sundays I read with the girls Beautiful Girlhood. This books is fantastic at teaching virtues that can be focused on each week. I think this is so important in this day of age.
19.) Personal progress on Sundays-help and check in with MaKayla and Alexis.
20.) Learning civility-manners and how to cooperate and get along. Sometimes in this little house we do the unthinkable-we fight. So I try to teach these kids to focus on the eternal perspective. We are a family, we were best friends, they need to learn to get along. This will help them on missions, in their marriage and all other relationships.
21.)As much social as I can find in this little town. I only wish I could find mentors. Seamstresses. Art Teachers. A Historical Farm...all these things I desperately miss. Maybe our next place as our time here is drawing to a close.
22.)A classic book read aloud to all the children. Right now it's Charlotte's Web
Whew! No wonder I am tired all day

Grandparents Come For A Visit.

2011-08-06T16:10:00.000-07:00

One of my fondest memories of my dad is when he carved a whistle out of a Willow branch. I thought he made magic when he did this for me as a child. I asked him to teach me and show my kids...oh the things they USED to do before TV and video games. So innovative.

Grandma plays Barbies with Jessica

We went to OUT OF AFRICA wild animal park down close to Phoenix with my parents when they came up. It was a fun day...long, but good.

Here we are, waiting for the tiger show.

Girls with Grandma waiting for the Tiger show

Petting and feeding the ostriches and deer.

Amazing Snakes that the kids got to touch and hold.

Enjoying the Snakes

The guide is teaching us about ostriches

Brett is looking at the Eggs.

The kids got to feed and pet the giraffe as he came right up to the jeep.

Heck, we didn't need to drive down to Phoenix area to see wild animals...we have one in our back yard. A Javelina. They migrated over the last couple hundred years from South America and are wild pigs.

BUGS!

2011-07-28T11:46:00.000-07:00

Earlier this spring our family studied insects. It was fantastic to get the kits and do some observing and watch the children run to them each morning to observe any changes. I am just NOW getting around to posting because of all the events these last few months. The only thing I didn't get pictures of were the ladybugs-why? I don't know. They were neat. You cant imagine that the pupae stage will turn into a lady bug. But then they hang like a caterpillar does and burst out of their exoskeleton once formed-we then enjoyed setting them free...enjoy!

Our anthill ready to observe
The ants are amazing. They just go to work...without complaining. They know what their mission is and they do it, never ceasing.
The ants have done about all they can do...now we will set them free. These were so fun to watch and observe it reminds me of the scripture Proverbs 6:6-9
"Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise; which having no guide, overseer, or ruler provideth her meat in the summer and gathereth her food in the harvest."

Caterpillars arrive in their little jar with food. They eat and eat until they form a chrysalis

Here they have formed into a chrysalis

They are coming out into their temporary cage

We get to hold them before we set them free and watch them fly off.
This is a neat way to teach people about true conversion. Butterflies are a miracle. They start out as a Caterpillar where they don't see well and are so limited. They then are trapped into a cocoon/chrysalis (the need to accept the atonement) and then they are free to rise to higher grounds and glorify God once free as a butterfly.

Beautiful Womanhood?

2011-07-26T06:26:00.000-07:00

This is a girlie matter...so if your squeamish or uncomfortable don't continue. This Blog has become my journal in many ways so I post the feelings I have along with our family's experiences.

Alexis started her first real cycle last October and before she or I knew any better she had been going for 3 weeks. This poor girl didn't realize what was normal and wasn't. I on the other hand didn't realize how heavy it was. So when the two of us finally communicated what was going on I did all I could to help her. Six weeks into it, nothing had let up. I was trying everything to get it to stop-everything I knew wasn't helping. Finally I started asking around to the best and most respected naturalist that I have known. Everything they suggested wasn't working until I got to my Friend JoDean...she's never been wrong. By this time Alexis had been menstruating for 8 weeks. She was quite pale, week and anemic. She tested her for a clinic in Idaho. So I contacted the Doctor there for an over the phone consultation. He told me that he has helped hundreds of women with this very thing and to take a product called ovex. After a few days on this product the cycle stopped after 2.5 months of bleeding. It took a lot of effort to bring her energy level back up and I was left exhausted from the whole ordeal. The Doctor gave me a lab kit that is used to measure her hormone levels (clearly the reason she couldn't stop) However, this kit is to be used the 20th day after she started, which had come and gone by the time I started working with him.

So I have had to wait until the next cycle to evaluate her hormones and get a clear picture of what is going on; which didn't come until 7 months later. She started a cycle June 4. I thought, "okay, Ovex is available (to stop it) and the lab kit is ready to establish a treatment." So five days after her cycle began I started giving her the ovex (the soonest it can stop it) but it wasn't working. This product is 30 dollars a bottle. While it was reducing her flow it wasn't working to stop it. I called the Doctor in Idaho to ask him what he suggests. I left an urgent message to have him call me. He didn't. I called the next morning...still no return. This went on for a week and i finally told the Lady at the desk, "Yes, I am the annoying lady that keeps calling. However, my daughter is bleeding to death and I would really appreciate a call back from him as soon as possible." "oh" she says. "We couldn't find her in the system as a patient" "what does that have to do with anything?" I ask astounded. "He has been doing over the phone consultations with us." I couldn't believe this...really? How irritating. Meanwhile, I watch my daughter getting weaker and weaker; unable to help her. I felt I had been the rounds with my other friends and they all shrugged their shoulders. He was the only one with an answer, so I felt.
He called back right away (He really is a good man, my kind of perfectly balanced medical/traditional doctor-his clinic has won national awards etc.) He was speechless. He said, "I have never not had the ovex to work. The only other option you could do is birth control. It doesn't always stop it and it doesn't fix the problem. We really need to get that hormone kit in so I can formulate a treatment plan for her." With this our phone call ended and I had to wait the long and grueling 10 more days until the 20th day to do the lab kit. That anticipated day had finally arrived and we did the saliva kit to send in. I had arranged for UPS to come and pick it up...I had even paid them to do it. They usually come in the morning and by 2:00 I was nervous...they hadn't come yet. So I called, "Oh they will be out. They have until 7:00 pm" "ok" I said, " I just have a lab specimen that is time sensitive, It needs to go out today" "Don't worry, they'll be out" was her assured reply. 7:30 came and still nobody. I called the number and they said, "Oh, sorry they didn't pick it up. All of our drivers have gone home." "Do you realize I have a time sensitive lab kit that is crucial to get out? Now I am up against the weekend." I couldn't believe it-first the doctor didn't call me back for a week, now the UPS doesn't pick up this precious kit that had been waiting to be completed for 7 months. This holds in it the answer for my daughter, the cure, the end of her suffering. Meanwhile, I sit there helpless and her dependant and trusting. UPS offered no solution and so I aired it through the Post office to Oregon.
Next we had to wait the Long...LOOOONNNG 10 days to hear back the results...she's still bleeding. Ovex is slowing it down, but at 30 dollars a day. Finally the ovex gives up its medicinal effectiveness and she is bleeding heavy regardless. She doesn't have the energy anymore. Her once, 2-3 hours of music practice dwindles to 5 minutes. This brave girl keeps her chin up and her faith strong. She already missed Trek, of which I felt so angry about. I want my child to be a child and I want her to have all the experiences afforded to the youth. Yet, it was not to be so. Finally we get a call from the Doctor. Her progesterone levels are 55 when they should be 170...the reason for the everlasting period. He arranges a progesterone cream and i pay for it.
Meanwhile, I am getting ready for girls camp-I have been called to the YW and put in charge of camp. On the way there I call the Doctor, nearly a week later and the medicine has still not shown up. "Oh, we haven't mailed it yet" the receptionist confesses to me." "Please mail it, this poor girl is so weak and can't stop bleeding". At times like this you want to yell at them...your Character is tried. All I can do is maintain myself, try to remain a lady. We do girls camp and Alexis can't swim, hike or play like the other girls. She was pretty downhearted. I have her on all the iron, dessicated liver (in capsules) and chlorophyll (like a blood transfusion) She can manage. Every day I question, "How are you doing? How's your bleeding? How many pads today?" I am making her homemade bone broths as calcium clots the blood. I am giving her High Vitamin butter oil that has vitamins K1 and K2-which help in clotting. I am giving her cayenne pepper which is a healer...nothing is working, just maintaining her life. At camp I finally told my bishop what was going on and asked if he thought his wife, through her foot zoning would be able to help her. He modestly said she is a smart lady. I think he previously thought that she bailed on Trek and wimped out. It was a light bulb moment for him.
The night back from camp Alexis is in the bathroom, crying-for the first time. "All I can do is wait here to die, slowly bleeding to death, not able to do anything and be the girl I want to be. I have been faithful, I patiently waited, but he is not answering my prayer." This heart wrenching plea for help stabs me. I cry with her. I then ask Trevor to give her, yet another blessing. A fathers blessing. I am not going to assume that God is ignorant of our situation, nor can I ask him one more time to heal her...or rather, help me to heal her. All I am asking is for the comfort his daughter so needs. I tell her to keep the faith. That after the trial of our faith the miracle is wrought. The next morning I call the Bishop's wife. She works with Alexis and immediately her bleeding stops. For three days that is. Then it starts back up again. I feel as if an invisible murderer has gotten a hold of my daughter and is slowly killing her. I wake up in cold sweats at night fearful if she is still alive. In the morning I approach her room, quietly opening the door hoping to dismiss my worst fear by finding her well. The Bishop's wife assures me this is normal...the body can only process so much at once it takes a few times. So we go back to her. After the session this already feeble girl stands only to have more gushes of blood. I plead, "why? Why is it everyone that has experienced this can help their daughter or have helped many women/girls and all their suggestions, cures don't work for mine. Why am I being deprived of helping my daughter." So I do the unthinkable. I do what I never wanted to do. I take her into a female OBGYN, with no insurance and ready and willing to pay whatever it takes for the band aid. All this time I was looking for a cure a solution. Not a mask. The doctor assures me that this is normal. Her bleeding is normal and that this happens all the time to young girls. I beg to differ. This cannot be normal. She suggests birth control for 3 months, which I surprisingly willingly accept. She then looks at her and says, "she is pale, lets do blood work" She comes back with the results a little alarmed, "she is measuring a 6 which is half of what the body needs in blood level. This is cardiac risk, blood transfusion level, kidney failure level. Let's draw more blood to verify." I want to say, "Please, don't take any more blood from this girl." But I am in the Doctor's office and I succumb to the doctor's will. She verifies a little more than previously concluded and is relieved to not find her that bad off." I assure her that the things I am giving her changes her. When She doesn't take those, she could very well be close to that six. She is dizzy, can't walk, paler than a ghost and can't think. So Birth control is administered. The doctor warns me that it will affect her bones and put her at high risk for cancer...I know this. But what choice do I have? There is a chance she has Von Willebrand's disease. And Birth control may or may not regulate and fix this she notifies me.
I leave feeling bewildered, angry and forced. Why is it I can't help my daughter? Why did she suffer at my hand, when the only option was birth control? My pride is hurt. My purpose unclear. If I could go back to the beginning
and know that I would be forced into this I would have just done this in the beginning and eliminated the suffering. I was trying to finish the treatment from the doctor in Idaho. I was trying to trust him and all those that have experience with this condition. They all advice against birth control. 2 Weeks on the hormone cream didn't change anything in her. Maybe she needs it longer. Maybe I will give it to her so that she can build up a natural form of progesterone so while she is on birth control her levels will rise. And once she gets off hopefully this problem fixed.
Life is unsure, motherhood anything but dull. I have been told through blessings one day I will have an answer to all of this. In the meantime I contemplate.

Sporting a new look!

2011-07-12T10:32:00.001-07:00

Only a mother could embrace the very one who whacks her.

Jessica 2

2011-07-10T06:39:00.000-07:00

Here is an update for Jessica. She is doing better. Her symptoms when we moved in were these:

1.) Frequent meltdowns/rage
2.) Constant anxiety-consuming even daily basic functions
3.) Fear of eating everything-reading every label and refusing to eat if she didn't like something in the ingredients.
4.) watching me cook and insisting she help me (I think to be sure of what I put into it.)
5.) Fear of driving in the car or being away from home too long.
6.) Everything had to be in order and immaculate-or meltdowns were triggered.
7.) Fear of germs, getting sick, others getting sick.
8.) Washed her hands until they crack and bleed.
9.) Couldn't stop cleaning.
10.)The need to be perfect. In her music, schooling, looks, house (order and cleanliness) reading-everything.

As you can imagine this was all consuming for our family. No matter how hard I tried to convince her of the truth and to relax and trust me she wouldn't. In my last post I was devastated and I came to the reality that there was something seriously wrong and it was not just a phase. So I did what I could to find help... of which none is available unless I could fork out 600 a month on therapy. The only help of which I could find was only available to those with state insurance, of which we don't qualify. This brought out the charity in me as a mother. I couldn't give up on my child and lose hope. So I decided I would have to become the therapist. I ordered the books, read, studied prayed and even cried over my feelings of inadequacy. I felt trapped into being the therapist she needed and feeling fearful that I wouldn't be enough...her symptoms were scary. I felt that If I made one wrong move in helping her she may not recover correctly. Once again I was left to be the "everything" for my children when I already felt exhausted and overspread. But what was my choice? I learned many things in my studies. OCD is hereditary-and often lays dormant until a big change such as a death or a move happens. Then symptoms will flare. I had a grandfather with a severe case of it. I have recently learned that a lot of my living relatives on that side also battle with it. When I realized it wasn't anything I was responsible for (she would have picked anything to obsess about)I felt less guilty and So I began to implement the things I learned about OCD:

1.) Teach the child she is normal and this is a common condition that can be cured with a lot of work.
2.) Rename the OCD. She has picked Bossy Bess.
3.) When the thoughts get stuck teach the child to recognize that it's just Bossy Bess and she is lying again.
4.) Do the opposite of what Bossy Bess is nagging.
5.) when you do the opposite and take the fearful challenge of doing the very thing you are afraid of, you then have to stop the thought that something bad will happen because you did it or didn't do it.
At first she had so much anxiety that she would stare at a cracker, pizza, tomato soup, sandwich-anything other than fruits and vegetables for hours in tears at the thought of having to eat it. She told me she would rather not eat at all. So in my silent pleadings I had the tender mercy come to me, "St. John's Wort." I researched the affects and success of this herb knowing I couldn't afford without insurance, doctor help. Anything was worth a try. Within a couple of weeks I was able to notice her anxiety levels drop. She wasn't having the meltdowns/rage. I could reason with her, even though it was still hard. I am happy to report she is doing much better. With the anxiety levels dropped and my knowledge from the books and the spirit guiding me I am implementing and seeing slow and steady progress. She is still afraid of things, of which she is open about now. She heard the nagging voice constantly:
"Don't eat that or you will get sick and die"
"Don't do your schoolwork, you're not perfect so don't try"
"don't leave your house or you may get in a car crash"
"The house has to be perfect or germs will take over"
"Don't ride your bike or you could fall off, get hurt or even ran over by a car"
"Your music sounds terrible, don't play"
"What if you don't get enough water, you could get a UTI or Heat Stroke or Dehydrate"
"What if you can't find a bathroom your bladder might explode"
"You are not pretty especially with glasses on"
"You might throw up"
" Don't go swimming, there are germs in the pool"
"Don't play at the park...there are too many germs."
"don't go to church, they will hand out cookies"
Don't bring your ugly glasses to church or kids will tease you"
Don't bring your scriptures or you may get asked to read and you're not good enough"
"Don't go on a hike with your family, you may fall off the mountain"

It's taken a great deal of effort on all our parts to help her baby step at a time. She is learning that germs are necessary. They help our immune systems get stronger and when/how to wash hands. That Heavenly Father blessed us with a strong body. She is learning that there is a time to be messy and a time to be clean. That the boys playing with a few toys on the floor doesn't merit the house as disorderly. That when we do school it's necessary to have every one's books out and that she can let it go...we will all clean later. As before she couldn't function if the house wasn't perfect. She couldn't do school or think or music if one thing was out of place. She is learning that nobody is perfect and that is why we came to earth...to learn. She is learning that even a piece of pizza is better than nothing because it has something to offer the body. She is learning how to have moderation. It's good to make healthy choices and beware of what you eat. The process of having her eat a candy will be the last one we do...that is the hardest challenge yet. It's tough and even though the fears are there and we constantly have to work on them I am thankful we are seeing results. How grateful I am for the spirit and it's guidance. I cannot imagine parenting without it. I am thankful for this trial. Even though it's been consuming, difficult and maddening. I am learning what I came to the earth to learn. I am most grateful for a Heavenly Father's tender mercies and blessings with the whisperings I have received.

Indians!!!

2011-05-28T18:52:00.000-07:00

Have we had an incredible opportunity! Our neighbor, as I previously mentioned is a Hopi Indian. He was more than willing, even insistent on coming over to teach our family their traditions. We had a fabulous time and I was thrilled at the honor of it. We learned so much and gained so much respect for the traditions and the basic beliefs of the Hopi. He is in many ways a perfect Christian. Their means of the law of consecration, their simple lives, their intuition with nature. I am thrilled at what he had to offer, even remind us of. I can't wait to learn more. One of these days he is going to take us to his village where they still live primitively. He will also teach us about the land and the herbs/berries found within this area. Here are the pictures!
This is a model he and his wife made to represent the Hopi pueblo villages. The book he gave us to prestudy as a family. It offered history, tradition, beliefs and the "Hopi Today"
He had the children try their Indian food. The corn (red, white, blue) is their version of popcorn. It is cooked in clean hot sand. This doesn't burst the kernel. Then it is salted with salt mined, by them, from the Grand Canyon. The little paper thin blue speck is known as a corn bread from the blue corn. It is carefully made on a hot stone and cooked over a fire until dry enough to wrap in a sheet. When finished it resembles blue specked tissue paper.(exactly rolled and half the size of tissue paper you would buy) I regret I didn't get a picture of it. As soon as he told the children to try some they gobbled it up. It was a year old and perfectly preserved. Incredible.
Two kachina dolls. One is an eagle. This is the highest honorary doll. The second is a scary monster like doll. It represents the "real" Kachina that comes once a year to collect the children who have been naughty. He comes to the door (a man in this costume)and demands the child to go with him. The mother defends her child and makes the child promise to obey from now on. This seems to work because in the Hopi nation the children are well disciplined. Both dolls are hand carved and painted. These sell for quite a bit.
Pottery. He taught the kids that there is symbolism and a story with the designs. He had them smell the earth by smelling the pottery.

Handwoven baskets from his tribe.
This Yucca woven basket is still strong at 120 years old.
Here is Mr. "Taz" his last name is long and traditional. He shortened it for us. He is holding a hand carved and naturally dyed (from flowers)Kachina doll that was his grandfather's.
This Bow and arrow is a gift the boys get at birth. Each one at first is simple to represent a blank canvas. Each year after is marked by the boy's personality and life events. The feather, blue, red, black-all have different meanings.
This is a larger one.
The girls get these "dolls" at birth until puberty, or when they lose interest in dolls. The first one they receive is mostly white as the personality is not yet determined. As the child grows and develops each year the child receives one that represents how they were at that age.
Parrot feather represents the rising and setting sun where the sky is blue. The other feathers are hawks, owl and eagle plume feathers. Only a few Indians are allowed by law to have these. Anyone else caught with Eagle feathers will be fined 25,000. He had the children feel the "medicine warmth" by holding it.
Even trying on traditional clothing.

In order to further enhance our study of Indians, we had a field trip that involved a hike to see some ancient cliff dwellings. We had a wonderful time!
Ready to hike down.
Cool little door between "homes"

Brett and Joseph pretending they're Indians in their home.
Joseph HAD to touch the cactus...why is the NO so tempting?!

Experiencing the ancient homes.

Justin is holding up the boulder so we could pass...what a gentleman.
There is still smoke from the fires.
Front view of the cliff dwellers.Our hike included a sack lunch with cheetos (he is wearing the evidence) And a caterpillar. We are studying Insects in science and even have a few caterpillars that are going to change into butterflies shortly (I'll post later)

This is an "Indian Village" that the children modeled. I told them to be creative with a cardboard box and whatever they could find in the yard to build a village.

Jessica

2011-05-14T13:55:00.000-07:00

“A mother's love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking."
Helen Rice

As mothers we can recall our excitement upon the news of a pregnancy and immediately our thoughts flow with preparation. It was no different with me when I was pregnant with my 3 daughter Jessica. Something was unique about that pregnancy. I had compelling aspirations to research the preeminent way to bring her into the world. And as I fervently prayed other revelations were bestowed upon me as well. I had a strong impression to not vaccinate the baby. This was shocking-even absurd. Wasn't that what every responsible parent should do? As I began the process of receiving answers to that prayer I followed the steps prerequisite for revelation. I studied hours, days and even weeks about the history of inoculations, causes and biological origination of each disease. I studied reported side effects. I couldn't believe what I was learning. And I felt the assurance that it was not good for this child with an unshakable conviction. After approaching Trevor, he trusted my experiences and we decided to pray over the matter. That night, before I knew what baby we were having I dreamt that The baby was a girl. And I saw her in a field of flowers about six months of age. She looked up at me and as clear as if she was there said, "thank you mommy". As time went on I can say that I felt as if I was pregnant with my best friend. I knew that I knew her from the preexistence.
I proceeded to plan a medication free delivery with a loving midwife (of whom I dreamt about and saw her face. The next day, after interviewing many midwifes, she came into the room and it was the same woman from my dream). Jessica was born naturally in a loving atmosphere.

As she grew I wanted to raise her the way God would have me...give her the best. I nursed her over a year and gave her the best foods I could find after weaning. I recognized the importance of brain development and wouldn't settle for less than the best. I felt so close to her and loved her dearly.
These are things every mother wants. I am no different then the next. As mothers we have an innate need to nurture, protect, care for, teach and nourish our little ones. We only hope for a "happily ever after" with our sacrifices and love.
But life doesn't always happen that way. It's not suppose to be that way. The one child I worked so hard for, have given my life to and dedicated more pep talks, displayed more patience and even had to repent over my failings has OCD. A ruinous kind if left untreated.
I have mingled with the hope for years that I could help her, unaware of the reality of her physical disorder. A mother's love is the closest thing to Christ's love-it is pure charity and it never faileth. I have struggled with her, wept about her and pleaded for her. This past week has been devastating as I came to accept that it is out of my hands. The same mother in me that wiped every tear, bandaged every wound and exchanged every doubt for confidence wants to remedy this one. It breaks your heart to see your child suffer, to know that you will need to dive into the unknown of psychologists and medicine and that you as a mother couldn't ameliorate this one. It feels like a failure and the hope dispels as images from the movies A Beautiful Mind and What about Bob (without the comedy) come to mind.
After my darkest hour with acceptance I came to a concurrence with the spirit to do the Lord's will. I have felt the tender mercies of the spirit mollify my distress. There IS still hope. I feel the gratitude for this child. For did she commit to teach me lessons in the preexistence at the expense of normality? She can be the source to turn my weaknesses into strengths and I marvel at her spirit.
No mother is void of these things. Childbearing is like a box of chocolates, you never know which one you're going to get. For each one, like a child, comes with differences AND challenges all their own. However, in every case the experience will be both bitter and Sweet. I recognize it could be worse and I am thankful that this challenge is mine. I trust the spirit to guide me with God's child and pray for the worthiness to receive it. As mothers we, at large, have an impact on who they become.

"God bless my mother; all that I am or ever hope to be I owe her."Abraham Lincoln

My Maverick flying for Maverick

2011-05-05T17:04:00.000-07:00

Real wealth and richness

2011-04-30T09:52:00.000-07:00

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

I had this story relayed to me years ago and finally found it. While our circumstances are fresh on my mind at present I cannot help to think of how truly blessed we are. Once we had a large home and to the embarrassment of Trevor and myself, it was often the "talk of the ward/town" as our new projects procured interest. We were often too modest to satisfy questions and often requested tours. It was a house...simply that and nothing more.
True, the home had made significant improvement during our ownership. But Trevor and I learned some valuable lessons. There is more to life than a house. It's not the home, the improvements, nor the yard. It's the people in the home that matter most. Regretfully, it would take irreplaceable years of our children's youth to restore the home to it's former splendor. I learned that we were compelled to finish it if we ever wanted to turn a profit and hope to take the earnings and wisely invest. For getting out of debt(our only has been our home)has been our chief aim.
You can never go back, only forward. My purpose of posting is not to lament, but rather to signify my gratitude for the matchless lessons we have acquired. How silly is a showy home, yard or vehicle.
In this small little town of Williams Arizona, we are renting a diminutive home compared to the size of our former. But can I relate how wonderful it truly is. It is manageable, easy and quick to clean. Modest but sentimental. The walls hold some of my favorite artwork. The bookcases are lined with my favorite classics along with the children's schoolwork and I have the basics. It humbly boasts 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. Three girls in one room and three boys in the other. While we cannot fit all we had left (from what I didn't sell or donate) in these four walls, we have what matters. One woman from the ward commented "how do all of you fit inside that home?" While I know she meant no ill will, and I no malice,it reminded me of how far I have come. I believe most of us in life go through a phase of needing to prove ourselves. Be big and grand and having that signifies success. How silly I was in my folly. When renting in the most expensive getaway town of Arizona, I cannot see it prudent to spend any more than I have to on a wasteful rental. It is nice. It is clean and that is what matters.
I am grateful for the simplicity. For the break of home improvements. For the time to spend on my husband, children and invest into developing my mind/soul. I am grateful that I was once reminded that I am dependant on my God for everything I am, can be and ultimately all that I have. It's not the home that makes the family but the family that makes the home. Now that I have more time I know that as J.R.R Tolkien states "it's what you do with the time that is given to you." I know assuredly that I will be accountable for that very thing. I am learning what richness really is.
May I conclude my thoughts with some of Victor Hugo's in Les Miserables:
"Poverty in youth, when it succeeds, is magnificent in that it turns the whole will toward effort and the whole soul toward aspiration. Poverty strips the material life entirely bare, and makes it hideous; from this arise inexpressible yearnings toward the ideal life. The rich young man has a hundred brilliant and coarse amusements, racing, hunting, dogs, cigars, gabling, banqueting, and the rest; busying the lower portions of the soul at the expense of its higher, more delicate ones. The poor young man must work for his bread; he eats; when he has eaten, he has nothing left but reverie. He enters God's theater free; he sees the sky, space, the stars, the flowers, the children, the humanity in which he suffers, the creation in which he shines. He looks at humanity so much that he sees the soul, he looks at creation so much that he sees God. He dreams, he feels that he is great; he dreams some more, and he feels that he is tender. From the egotism of the suffering hand, he passes to the compassion of the contemplating man. A wonderful feeling springs up within him, forgetfulness of self, and pity for all. In thinking of the countless enjoyments nature offers, gives, and gives lavishly to open souls and refuses to closed souls, he, a millionaire of intelligence, comes to grieve for the millionaires of money. All hatred leaves his heart as all light enters his mind."

Fairy Tales in the making...

2011-04-22T15:55:00.000-07:00

Okay,here are a few pictures of our "backyard" and view. I have no idea how big the backyard is I am assuming around 5 acres. It goes back far enough that I can't see the end of it. Within this backyard the children are having creative time. They have built and designated "homes" for each child. And in each home is a bed, craftily designed by each child.
Found a wicked witches tree (it really does look haunted)and her cauldron ( a rusty metal pot that was abandoned).

And the kids race to see the train come at the end of the property, separated by a mere wire fence. I have not seen the train up close like they have, but they say it's fantastic.
You can see the tracks through the dense foliage.
And here is a view of the front and back of our house

This is going to be an advantageous period of learning, growing and family bonding. I predict that they will create fairy tales of there own and memories to last a life time. I have always believed that you make the most of where you are. And that education and learning are all around us. The kids enjoyed seeing a bald eagle and a golden eagle. They have been fishing several places that are close to our home. I think we are surrounded by a great many vacation homes and have but 2 neighbors that we can account for. One is a Navajo/Hopi Indian who is retired and will show the children many Indian traditions, dances, stories and art. It is so beautiful and serene and I appreciate the quietude of this place. It feels so safe and therapeutic. The ward is fantastic and just as every ward should be.It is our first ward outside of Utah. I didn't know people could be that friendly and that ordinary people serve in great callings. It was hard in Utah and I will refrain from saying more on the subject. But may I add how divine it is to be in a ward that exemplifies pure Christianity? They are so jovial that I find I have to do a second take. I am left feeling stunned and a bit awkward. I am not used to such genuinely happy people. The emphasis is on genuine.Till next time...

Recordings at a Studio

2011-03-29T07:43:00.000-07:00

Our girls were asked to come and record some of their music at a studio!! They played in my parent's ward and the Bishop of the ward is Barry Gibbons. He has done several music recordings over the years and has been involved with such films as The Other Side of Heaven and Work and the Glory. It was such a fun and good experience and he was so impressed with their talent and their music. He commented that their music is some of the best most heartfelt music he has heard. He was blown away with Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing and admited it was the best version he had heard. He expects great things of them. He is having them come back today for a photo shoot to finalize the CD he is making of them. We are so thankful for this experience and the girls enjoyed hearing themselves recorded.

This is it...

2011-03-28T14:28:00.000-07:00

Even though Trevor's last job didn't work out and he had to resign (for reasons aforementioned)It was a blessing. Because while Trevor was working one of his former coworkers became the chief pilot for Maverick Tours (Vegas and Grand Canyon). It was impossible to get a job through them and his trip to Vegas in January evidently became futile. So when Trevor became aware of the instability of his job he called his friend and asked for advice. His friend told him that he was just taking over as Chief pilot and would see what he could do, but Trevor needed to be at 1500 hours or he couldn't help him. Towards the end of Trevor's hitch he got an invitation for an interview. That last week on hitch was especially foggy and bad weather. He wasn't able to get the hours anticipated. He called his friend a few days before the interview and said, "I only have 1498, do you want me to go and buy more hours?" His friend told him, "No, thanks for being honest." That is just the way Trevor is. It was extremely difficult for Trevor to have had to resign. He hates being a flake and structures his life around dependability. He is a good man. Anyway, we are leaving for Flagstaff Arizona (We'll be staying in Williams extremely small town) next week. Even tough it is a seasonal job it will help him build his hours so that in six months he can pick a job after that. He will finally be at his hours. I am considering this job and our stay in Arizona as an extended holiday where there are mountains, pines, lakes, bike trails and all the fishing the boys could want. It will be an adventure and I am thankful there is beauty-green beauty. The pictures are below...

Finally the end products!

2011-03-10T08:47:00.000-08:00

Here they are, well most of them anyway. Jessica and MaKayla painted some tiles but I haven't photographed them. I am not sure that we have them back as they were displayed by their art teacher in an art show. But here is a sample of some of the work we have been doing.

this one was done by Grandma. This is a sample of majolica.
This is Justin's "perfect" little bowl as mentioned in an earlier post. He had no help or instruction. He just surprised grandma with this one.
This is the glaze he chose. Pretty cute glazing.
Justin threw this bowl
Alexis threw and carved these two jars.
Alexis designed this Egyptian plate. She has always loved Egypt and its history.
This plate by Alexis was from "Snip Snap and Snur" We love these stories from 1930's Sweden. We love the 3 girls and 3 boys in these classic stories.
Alexis made this "Flicka Dicka Ricka" plate from the stories

MaKayla painted this Peter Rabbit Majolica plate

MaKayla inspired me to do some Tiles that I can frame myself of Peter Rabbit. I love these classic stories, well all classic children's literature for that matter.
These came natural and were so fun to me.
I loved going into my mind and being creative. I could really get into this.
This one was harder because of all the details. But fun anyway.
I can't wait to do some more.

Once again, up in the air

2011-02-21T13:02:00.000-08:00

For some of you may be wondering what our plans are? I currently question that myself. Okay, so Trevor got rehired by the same company that laid him off. We had heard that only 5 out of the 40 got asked to come back and Trevor was one of them. They have been in business for quite awhile, surely they have straightened up their mess right? We accepted the job, because it was the only solid offer he currently had, why turn it down?! So he accepted to start with them (of which he has been working for nearly 3 weeks) I went down with Trevor to Houston area to check out homes (great time to buy and rent there is horrific). Geographically everything made sense. The LDS temple was close. The Bush Intercontinental airport was close. There were plenty ward members and houses and last but not least my children were invited to study with Mr. Zachary Carrettin at Rice University.
I was so excited for this. This guy is friends with their former teacher William Fedkenheur of the Fry Street quartet
Zachary is quite an accomplished violinist and now is mastering as a violist. He would have made an excellent music mentor for Alexis and MaKayla. With this gentleman's bio and his fame even on wikipedia, I was honored and ecstatic to say the least. He was even going to help hook me up with a coworker to have Jessica study cello with. And he happens to be married to a concert pianist. She was going to open a studio of 5 students, Justin being one of them. I was thrilled. Could it work out more perfectly? Providentially? What an opportunity for the kids to be around so much.
Everything made sense to move to Houston. Before we knew any different we went down there looked at several homes and neighborhoods and were quite impressed at the magnificent homes for as inexpensive as they were. Southern mansions and impeccable neighborhoods. I was shocked for Texas. But why didn't it feel warm and fuzzy? Why couldn't we know if it was right and feel that?
So he starts with them and little by little finds out more and more of what is going on with this company.
1.) Trevor was the second guy to accept coming back with nobody else would. They asked all forty.
2.)There is something wrong with his aircraft every time he gets in it. It is nerve wracking to be in the middle of the ocean and have your GPS die, find an oil leak and have things half put together like some patch job. One of his coworkers went through 6 aircraft before he finally found one he felt was safe to fly. All others had things breaking on them.
3.) They are short on pilots, many are quiting.
4.) Trevor's area manager pulled all the guys in from that area for a safety meeting and afterwards told them all to get their resumes out because the company is not doing well. He told them to get their hours and get out of the company as soon as possible.
5.)The chief pilot quit and went somewhere else.
6.)It appears they're being bought over and there is speculation that everything will be liquidated and the company will dissolve.

Back in June of 2010 when he went to work for the company he was employed for three months. I went to work on the house and packing and did a lot of it without Trevor. 8 days after we had our home listed we got an offer. And when I moved out and transitioned into Trevor's parent's house he got laid off, 3 months later. We were on our way out. So close. Now this. It's still not safe to move on. I can only keep faith that God has not forgotten us. I know, there are worse things in the world than our situation and many more people who are in dire need.
We have a proposition in Arizona (yuck, but grateful nonetheless) and a prospect in Virginia (which I would love. Home schooler's dream with all the history). When Trevor got into this career it was not like this. Now with the economy it's hard to find a job. He is 400 hours away from having any job he could want. If he stays where he is at, he may get laid off again if the company goes under. Or worse, he may be at risk everyday with their poor maintenance. If he goes in the ocean, he risks hypothermia and he risks sharks. Can somebody find him before that happens? Maybe that is a negative way of thinking, but it's his reality and he is not comfortable with this company. In one way, it's a blessing he got rehired. He is current with a job, which always looks better and he has got 50+ more hours so that he qualified for those other two prospects. So, for now I keep breathing because the sun will rise and who knows what the tide will bring. But whatever happens our kids are our priority. There is so much I want for them with music, education and quality friendships. I plead with the Lord to make a way, for their sakes. They are his children, I have faith he will.

Whew!

2011-02-18T21:46:00.000-08:00

For the last few months I have experienced and been challenged with several health ailments regarding my children.

Alexis experienced a condition of the blood that was rather scary and I had to use my mother's intuition to remedy her case. Regardless of what everyone around me was saying. She was sickly for a while and it was very stressful. It was humbling and gratifying that the very place I found answers for her was exactly where the spirit was guiding me. She is fine now and on the mend.

MaKayla for the last 18 months has experienced random and strange allergy symptoms of which she had none prior. Again, I followed my gut on this one and without traditional masking medication she was able to get customized treatment and has experienced natural and healing relief within a couple of days. She is also scheduled to get braces as soon as we settle.

Jessica has come down with an OCD behavior. She seems like a perfect child always eats healthy. Keeps herself clean. Goes to bed on time. Doesn't like tv or video games. Seems perfect right? Well, not quite. She is afraid to eat and not worry. She worries about everything else listed above. She washes her hands until they crack and bleed and will often times make herself a salad for lunch if everyone is having something of less quality. She has a melt down if she goes to bed later than she thinks she should. This need to be perfect affects her schooling and music, of which she is quite gifted. I have her scheduled to see a dear mentor friend of mine who has a gift with hypnotherapy. I am excited for the results. This child went from being so messy to immaculate within a few years. Jessica also had to get glasses. I am currently working to help strengthen her eyes so that they may heal and she wont have the need. I have combined the herbs eye bright and bilberry concentrate.

Justin, what can I say...he checked out perfect with the dentist. How can that be? He is my worst eater. But hey, I am not asking for cavities. I just don't understand why a child like Jessica who eats healthy is susceptible to cavities and seems to be riddled with them. While Justin on the other hand I have to constantly encourage, "eat your vegetables son. It's important to learn to eat well."

Brett- I am concerned for. He went to the local speech therapist of which she said his hearing is fine and that he didn't qualify for therapy. Really? His speech is not improving a whole lot and I worry about it. I may take him into a ENT specialist and get a second opinion of which the speech therapist recommended. Maybe there is something physically going on with him. He does have a scruffy sounding voice. He had two cavities at the dentist. The other concern I have for him is he is SO skinny. He eats a ton, but he is thin.

Joseph-He had three cavities at the dentist and has been quite a pill since we have been at Grandparent's. I believe he is expressing himself and his confusion for the situation.

Anybody else in line? It's never boring with a large family and you always wonder what is next with children.

Missing

2011-02-10T20:20:00.000-08:00

I am missing my love for 17.5 days he will be gone on his shift

Pottery

2011-02-08T21:26:00.000-08:00

Among the many things that have been hard the last several months, or even the last year, I can find the good. Because there has been quite a bit of blessings as well. My mother-in-law is a master of pottery. She does all styles and even paints majolica. This dates back to early Persia and later mastered by the Italians during the Renaissance period. Along with teaching the children how to throw on the wheel she has been teaching them the art of majolica. I have a few pictures of them throwing on the wheel of which I will post now and later I will post the finished products. It is highly beneficial to have wise and talented grandparents around.
MaKayla is throwing a bowl.
Grandma showing the way
Alexis throwing after observing MaKayla. She picked up on it quickly.
Justin is having fun this time with the molds. He got on the wheel by himself, without instruction and threw a perfect bowl, surprising us all. I will post that cute little bowl later with the rest of the finished products.

Here's Brett enjoying high quality "playdough". He doesn't care about the wheel. But he is so smart. He knew that when Grandma is throwing or carving on the clay he can do pottery with her. If she is painting majolica, he can't do pottery that day. He said to her one day, "Grandma, you are acting like a teenager. You know how? Because you always tell me I can't do pottery with you. Teenagers are the same way, they never want to be with you and always tell you no." It was later after much thought that he thought through when he can do pottery and when he can't. Lately, Grandma has been painting a lot.
Little Joseph
Pictures of the finished products SOON

Motherhood, my calling

2011-01-30T14:21:00.000-08:00

As I have been reflecting on motherhood, mine in particular, I decided upon posting my thoughts. I of course, am not a perfect mother. There have been times I could almost feel heaven on earth during the work that was before me. Pure bliss, sweet joy and peace beyond description. It is in these moments that I have felt this that my will was perfectly aligned with what God would have me do as a mother. And in this space I feel like I could conquer anything, for God is on my side. Who could fail at an attempt to rear children when you have a GOD, on your side and it is his children in which he trusts you with. Why would he not come to aid?

And there have been times such as now, that I have never felt so detached, lost and out of my element. Perhaps this is what motherhood is. It has its ups and downs, its sorrow and joy. At times I feel I have been entrusted with more than I can bear. It's been difficult to not have a home to call my own domain. It's been hard to have more than one mother amongst me. It's been especially challenging to feel that me, the unwise, inexperienced mother can not be all that they need me to be and to find myself in a sense losing them. Alexis, of whom is nearly 14 is breaking away from me. It's natural I am told, but devastating nonetheless. And even more so at a time when I am not myself and feel broken. It doesn't matter how many children you have. Sure, the more you have the more you can be challenged with, but think of the growth and strengthening that can happen. Having only 1 or 2 does not make you immune to problems with child raising. This life is about learning and growth and some how or other against our desires, that will happen. Life is the teacher and nothing teaches us better then when we are faced with challenges that involve what we love most, our children.

It's no secret that the adversary would seize the opportunity to ruin me and convince me that I cannot do what I have been called to do. It's no surprise he would attempt this at a time when a mother is at her lowest. Temptation comes in various places and sometimes from the most hurtful and unexpected sources.
I have been told several times that I should only have had 2 children, that I am dumb for having more than 2 and even compared to the "old woman who lived in a shoe"(but only from 1 and the same source each time)

It is most difficult to be kicked when you are down, naturally. Do I regret my children? Absolutely not. Perhaps it is inconceivable to some that a mother with 6 children could love all of them as much a mother with only one or two. Maybe there is reason for saying those things, for I am not the mother I once was. And just because I didn't get my tubes tied, does not mean that I chose to have six children. Sometimes you are asked to do things in God's wisdom. It's at times like this that I have had to trust him. I love all of my children more than my own life. I can be an incredible mother, I realize that now since my life has been altered. And one day I WILL turn this arduous experience into a strength. One day I will resume my position with confidence and dignity. And soon, I will post details of our plans for Trevor's new job, out of state and where, soon.

Wahoooo!!

2011-01-21T15:26:00.000-08:00

We're outta here! Trevor got a helicopter job, details to come later
(thanks for the tips anonymous, even though we never called him. Who are you?)

I love this artwork, so I posted them just for fun

2011-01-07T09:50:00.000-08:00

I am not a perfect person. I have perfect ideals, but I am NOT perfect. In fact, I think I am the lowest I have ever been. I often find myself questioning a lot of things, frighteningly even my testimony. I suppose that is all apart of growth and learning in this life and one day all my questions will turn into strengths and I can then help encourage and influence someone else who struggles with the same things I overcame.

So what happens to me eternally if I don't forgive myself for things, shortcomings or am too hard on myself?

This is hard for me to admit this one; but if God is agency then why do we have to follow his plan or be miserable forever?

What if I never wanted to exist? But I am here.

If God is indeed in charge and knows what is best for us and we have to hope to follow his promptings (which I deem is very confusing and feels very much like guess work)What is the difference between going with the flow (predestined) and agency.
I know the answer to this, but sometimes the line is very thin and blurry.

These are negative, and for journal purposes I am documenting my angelic and demonic feelings and questions. I feel a a pull for my very soul. For Satan would have me. Yet, there have been times in my life where God has stepped in and rescued me from my own stupidity. Many times, Trevor was his means in doing so.

It's not a matter of if God exists for me. I know Christ very well, I always have. For some people a matter of the gospel and our church is Joseph Smith. I should quote from Roald Dahl's Charlie and the factory:

"Listen, I'm an old man. I'm much older than you think. I can't go on for ever. I've got no children of my own, no family at all. So who is going to run the factory when I get too old to do it myself? Someone's got to keep it going - if only for the sake of the Oompa-Loompas. Mind you, there are thousands of clever men who would give anything for the chance to come in and take over from me, but I don't want that sort of person. I don't want a grown-up person at all. A grown-up won't listen to me; he won't learn. He will try to do things his own way and not mine. So I have to have a child. I want a good sensible loving child, one to whom I can tell all my most precious sweet-making secrets - while I am still alive."

This is perfect and understandable in a book or major motion picture and people readily accept it. People accept Samuel the boy prophet. God is the same yesterday, today and forever. So why not a boy prophet and continued revelation and scripture in our day?

See, I know these things and I am very spiritually minded. However, that does not mean that I don't struggle. In this new year, I hope to receive my own peace and answers in regards to these questions and further the strengthening of my own testimony...what else can I do?

2011-01-05T19:45:00.001-08:00

"Thank God, O women, for the quietude of your home, and that you are queen in it. Men come at eventide to the home; but all day long you are there , beautifying it, sanctifying it, adorning it, blessing it. Better be there than wear a queen's coronet. Better be there than carry the purse of a princess. It may be a very humble home. There may be no carpet on the floor. There may be no pictures on the wall. There may be no silks in the wardrobe; but, by your faith in God, and your cheerful demeanor, you may garniture that place with more splendor than the upholsterer's hand ever kindled."

---Reverend T. DeWitt Talmage, D.D

Keep breathing...for tomorrow the sun will rise.

2010-12-23T07:38:00.000-08:00

I recently reviewed a scene from "Castaway". I have always loved that movie. But there was one part in particular that brought tears to my eyes. It's after he had been rescued and he is talking with his friend about his experience. About how everything he had survived for was no longer an option and his only choice now is to "keep breathing because tomorrow the sun will rise and who knows what the tide will bring."

When Trevor and I first heard about his job layoff it was as if our world suddenly stopped and the dream was gone. We had never felt so powerless coupled with nothingness. In the Book of Mormon it talks about how we are but the dust of the earth, and we owe God for everything we have and all HE has blessed us with. Instantly we were completely dependant on family. We had nothing, save each other. We didn't even have options we just had to submit. We had to have permission for what we wanted to do or to ask for anything we needed. It felt so degrading. To take two people who are so independent and hardworking and make them rely on someone for their very life-it's humbling to say the least.

But with the new year we just have to keep trying because the sun will rise and who knows what the tide will bring. God is in charge and our life is his. There just may be that anticipated job offer that we have so earnestly been working for....

Baptism Boy

2010-12-21T19:00:00.000-08:00

A Baptism is soon to transpire. I will write the details of the event later. For now I just wanted to spotlight him. He is a sweet boy and upon mentioning a girl he has his eyes on, he pulled this smile for me...he is definitely his father's son. This layoff of Trevor's has afforded him more time with his children than he has had in long time. This past fall Justin has learned how to duck hunt. He cleaned the duck himself and grilled it, all the while raving about how good it was (yuck). He has caught more fish than his father and has muscled the cleaning himself. He is radiantly proud of himself for being such a fisherman and that is clearly the highlight of his life right now. He even personally caught and shot 3 rats that live close to Grandma's creek. He is learning more about quality work and responsibility. We have also been impressed by his brilliance in mathematics and his hastening reading skills. He is a great young man and we are thankful to have him in our home (or in his grandma's and grandpa's for the time being).

Season's Splendor

2010-12-20T09:39:00.000-08:00

Some eventful things have happened this season so far:

Trevor took me on a helicopter ride (he is staying current) and I got to see the sunset and Christmas lights and buzz over the temples from Logan to Salt Lake. It was so much fun and he is such a good pilot.

Trevor and I were given tickets to see "A White Christmas" from Steven and Cindy of which have season passes. They didn't want to go and gave us two extra tickets to take my parents. That was classic entertainment.

Jessica's former cello teacher (Ms. Anne Francis, of the Frystreet Quartet) gave Jessica and I tickets to Abravenal Hall to see the renown Pieter Wispelwey perform Saint-Saens concerto. After which, we got to meet him and he signed his autograph for her.

Trevor and I have been working out a the Bountiful Rec center...All I can say is, Ouch.

Christmas is almost here. On Wednesday Trevor's family is going to Salt Lake to see Narnia and enjoy the festivities on Temple Square. That should be an all day event.

I am almost ready for Christmas, I may need to make one more shopping trip starting at Barnes and Nobles on Thursday after lunch. Other than that, Christmas should be very simple this year. With the plethora of toys at grandma's house, all the Wii one could stand on a screen the size of a wall, a library full of books from juvenile to scholar-what could I possibly get my children? But I cannot say no to books. So they are all getting some. Besides, I am bound and determined to get on with our life sooner than later and I don't want to pack a bunch of stuff. So, simplicity it is.

2010-12-14T09:03:00.000-08:00

Since I have lived here, I have come to realize that the sister-in-laws, myself included, evidently could not be any more opposite. But it is just that opposition that brings strength collectively. I am learning so much from them and each of their strengths.
In this picture, the photographer ask us to give a sexy pose-that was it! I busted up laughing and obviously was a bad influence on everyone else there-except my mother-in-law who was obviously immune to my laughter. Sorry ladies to ruin the moment.
Featured from left to right: Shylo,me, Karlee,Cindy and Jessica

Deja vu

2010-12-11T12:42:00.000-08:00

It's been 14 years since I have lived in Bountiful. I tried many years ago to do everything I could to spread my wings and experience something new. I used to hate this "small town". Now I am finding the good in it. So much has changed since then, but overall, it really is not a bad place. Everything is so local; the library, the grocery stores-all the stores really. My children are studying art from a nationally famous artist-just across the street from Grandma's house. The boys have experienced Gymnastics at "Flips" and I love the local stores, particularly "All tucked in" on Main Street. Trevor and I are about to start at the gym at the Bountiful Rec center, formerly known as "the bubble". The kids are about to start Swim lessons. (Steven and Cindy have always supported lessons of their grand children) And the two of us have enjoyed Pilates and Yoga-a regular private class of Steven's. I am proud to say that I could keep up with Trevor and even a few times out do him :)
There really is so much to be thankful for in an all familiar way. It's been years since I drove by Milcreek Junior High-I hardly recognized it and Bountiful High-ha! It's a rather Deja vu feeling to be here.

A Wee bit late for Halloween

2010-12-09T12:56:00.000-08:00

Halloween this last year was different. I usually make all the costumes from things around the house and start early in advance to make the proper preparations. However, because of the anticipated move and under the circumstances, I didn't and so the costumes were purchased by Grandma.
Daisy as a lab, simply because she is shaved. It's a practice I mean to repeat.
Joseph-the transformer
Alexis a modge podge witch
MaKayla, a devil who named herself, half witch and half devil's daughter.

Jessica, the "snow princess" with frosty hair
Justin the Jedi
Brett is our little "skeleton man" It's funny he picked this costume out because we tease him that he is so skinny he is like a skeleton.
Daisy was loving the pumpkin carvings-go figure, an omnivore Saint Bernard (who happens to be shaved like a lab-this was for Louisiana weather)A curious dog indeed.But I think Trevor was pointing out that I am still in my favorite Pajama bottoms (after cooking all morning) and wearing Justin's flip flops, nonetheless!
Since nobody would do the classic pumpkin face, I had to.
Alexis is really concentrating
MaKayla and Jessica having a blast
Joseph is feeling like a big kid because he gets to carve a pumpkin at 4 years old.

For the heck of it.

2010-12-04T07:30:00.000-08:00

Here is some of Louisiana. Some of it is New Orleans and some of it is Lafayette area. This is the trip we went on to send out resumes. Just thought I would journalize this little business get away we took back in June. I still trust that God is guiding our life for good. I am not heart broken about not living in Louisiana. It is disappointing to be here during the winter. But long ago I placed my life in God's hands. Those are ALL birds and that is NOT grass

A rather creepy creature
I loved the Spanish moss on the oaks...gorgeous

Lake Martin in Louisiana...there's alligators in there
Our hotel
Trevor standing on the rooftop of our hotel...Omni, New Orleans
One of many mansions in the garden district.
This is one of Sandra Bullock's homes

This is the home from "The curious case of Benjamin Button"
The above ground cemetery

Bewildered

2010-12-01T13:17:00.000-08:00

Words cannot describe my feelings as of late. It's been difficult to say the least.

How is it I feel alone, when I am never alone...
How is it I feel poor when I am surrounded by all the nicest materials money can buy.
How is it I find myself down, when there is so much good to be found...
How is it food has lost its savor, when I am encircled by the finest the stores have to offer.
How is it I find myself overwhelmed with the constant awareness of what I need to teach my children, when I am encompassed by help from every direction.
How is it I feel powerless and trapped in a free country with the ever perpetual gift of the atonement?
Why is it that I feel as if I am losing my children, When I am constantly by their side.
How is it I have lost my fight when that is the very essence of who I am?
Why is it I cannot pull myself out of this slump and quit experiencing the roller coaster of emotions That I find myself constantly battling?
Why is it I feel as if I am in a dream, a bad one, and I am unable to wake up and be proactive?
Why do I feel as if I have lost my status as a mother, when that is essentially impossible?
Why is it I feel like a puppet driven by the necessities of the day and yet on stage, being ever watched and conceivably judged?
Why do I feel like I have lost everything, when I have what really matters?

I know the answers to these things...I know what I need to do. Perhaps time will be the healing balm, gratitude a respite and my mind a place of solace.

I fully acknowledge my blessings in our predicament.

We sold our home quickly.
We have no debt.
We have a beautiful home to stay in and the financial help of Trevor's parents.
My children have what they need and anything they could want.
We are ever grateful for our families at this time.

But there is nothing like it. To feel the self respect, independence and agency of your own life. Here there is nothing to worry about; no bills to pay, no budgeting and I am certainly blessed to have the kids get mentored by so many people. How is it I could feel anything but contentment? I have gone from having no husband and doing so much on my own, to never having it so easy.(physically anyway)

One day, when Trevor does get a job I just may come to the realization of the blessings I do have at this time. I know I will miss him and his help. I know I will feel overwhelmed all over again. The things I do have right now, this very day should ALWAYS make it easier, but it doesn't. I am human, and now more then ever I find myself face to face with my weaknesses. I literally stare at them everyday. I see so much that I need to change within myself that I don't know where to begin.

We are about to close on our home. It is a bitter sweet emotion. Sweet because that home has been the burden of our life for 9 years. Sweet because in our economy it was a miracle to sell it. And bitter because it is MY home nonetheless. It is my last attachment to the life I once had. It is just one more thing I feel is taken away from me at this time. It's not as if I have a home to replace it. It's not as if I have a new life so I can let go of the old one. I got over things along time ago. And my in-laws home couldn't be any more comfortable. But that is just it. The things aren't mine. Every article within this home is attached by a memory that is not mine. Now that it is Christmas time, it is even harder. These things aren't mine, the memories I created with our own things are packed away. It feels as if I am living on borrowed time, rented holidays and loaned things. But they are just things after all. I need to be better.

Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.
-- Hippocrates

Protection or preservation?

2010-10-28T21:43:00.000-07:00

I have had an internal battle for a while. I believe children are sponges-they soak up everything in their environment, which determines who they become. The music they listen to, the friends they have, the books or movies that entertain and fill their minds. It all defines them (as it does with us). I have always preserved the best of the best because that is what I am encouraging them to become. I remember a time in my life when we didn't have the television channels and so I had a lot of control over the kind of entertainment that entered my home. For fun I got all of the series of Little house, Andy Griffith and Leave it to Beaver. All the while supplementing with classic books and real life discussions with my children. There was a time I felt in control of it all and I had peace that I was raising my children up unto the Lord. I felt complete joy because our home was filled with the spirit and I was teaching them correct principles. The strange thing is, I was lost in my service with them. I spent hours with them, never a moment for myself hardly. But it is for this very reason that I care so much. I have sacrificed so very much for them. They mean EVERYTHING to me.

I have never taught them to look at others as bad, rather I want them to only judge based on their personal safety. What others may do is their choice but each of us has a responsibility to discern what will harm us and to stay away from it. I don't want to come across as self righteous. I am just overly protective.
Now that I am at my In-laws home for the time being, I find I have no control over anything. They are good people, every one of them. Among the best and of whom I love dearly. But differences in opinions and upbringing can pose a challenge that I feel threatens what I have taught my children. I have worked endlessly for years teaching them the best I know how. I like that my children don't like Lady Gaga or Hanna Montana. I like that they know about sex at an appropriate age where they can be mature enough to respect and handle it and that I can teach them in a loving atmosphere while emphasising the sacred, private nature of it. I like the influence the positive music and tv shows has had on my home and my children.
It's been difficult to give up everything secure that I have ever known and to feel many different opinions thrown at my family. I feel out of control and out of place. Am I too protective? Or is it that I just want to preserve what is good and what is right? Is it okay for kids to like the current role models that kids have? Is the modern music okay? What message or agenda does Hollywood have for our children? Is it okay that a child's highlight for his/her life is a video game? According to Philippians 4:8 it says...

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

I could find many more. But is it not ideal to stay away from wrong all together? Is not good good and evil evil? Things either come from God or they come from the Devil. I take this seriously. And I feel responsible to teach my children what is right and what is wrong. I am not saying that they will not come across wickedness at some point, they will and they should to gain wisdom. But what I am saying is I feel it is a sacred duty of mine to offer them what ever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. Imagine raising a sober generation such as Nephi, Moroni, Joseph Smith or Joseph of old. Those men were who they were because of the homes they grew up in. As our belated dear prophet, Gorden B. Hinckley wrote:

"E. T. Sullivan once wrote these interesting words: “When God wants a great work done in the world or a great wrong righted, he goes about it in a very unusual way. He doesn’t stir up his earthquakes or send forth his thunderbolts. Instead, he has a helpless baby born, perhaps in a simple home and of some obscure mother. And then God puts the idea into the mother’s heart, and she puts it into the baby’s mind. And then God waits. The greatest forces in the world are not the earthquakes and the thunderbolts. The greatest forces in the world are babies.”1

"And those babies, I should like to add, will become forces for good or ill, depending in large measure on how they are reared. The Lord, without equivocation, has declared, “I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth” (D&C 93:40)." Why do I feel so strongly about these concepts, yet why do I feel so alone in it...

Dear Friends

2010-10-23T10:31:00.000-07:00

One of the most heart breaking things about moving away is not leaving the house or the things, it's the people you leave behind. I felt forced to leave all I knew and all I loved for that job that we both worked so hard for. This is my dear friend Alicia. Radiantly and virtuously beautiful throughout her entire being. She has been my inspiration and my example for as long as I have known her. She understood me and my primitive ways. She was my friend unconditionally and when I spoke to her, it was like speaking with myself. How often in life do we find someone who is so in sync with us that it is comforting. I miss her. I miss her beautiful children. I miss the talks, the laughs and raising our children together. I miss the closeness we felt, that no matter what, we could be there for each other. Alicia is REAL. What you see is what you get with her. She is true to her beliefs and strong in her convictions-she radiates light for this reason. I love that she is right with me on being in tune with what matters most. She loves her children regardless of the messes they may cause, for she knows what matters most. She chooses to spend her days serving others and making use of the abundance the Lord has blessed us with. I cannot forget the times we worked in canning together or baking together. She is the most frugal and conservative woman I know-a true pioneer. And I know Heaven smiles down on her for the preservation she is and the credit she is to womanhood. But I do thank her for her many talks of wisdom. I thank her for her fine example of Godly womanhood/motherhood. I thank her for the inspiration she was to me, to be better. My life is forever blessed for having known her.

I surrender

2010-10-20T11:08:00.000-07:00

So lately I have come to the realization of some things. For those of you who may stumble across this post, ignore my pessimism. You are free to read on, but be aware that this is NOT the usual uplifting post. I write this for two reasons, one to vent and two to journalize.
I have become aware of a pattern of failure with me. Everything I battle for or fight for I lose. And I have become increasingly tired of the fight. Here are some things that were important to me that I lost the battle on:
1.) To have healthy children.

To achieve this I have relentlessly researched, talked and council ed with those of experience, read numerous books, studied the word of wisdom and thought and prayed. I have spent the majority of 14 years doing this and spent hours in the kitchen preparing wholesome foods and last but not least spent hard earned money on more expensive foods. An example of this is 2 bucks for a gallon of genuine fake maple syrup or the alternative 60 dollars for the real stuff from New England. I have been the doctor for my children most of their lives. Many of them have not ever been to a doctor-I could remedy it and take care of it through herbs. But, regardless of my efforts they are sicker than any other kid I know who survives off of the modern convenience junk. The herbs I have always used with great success have been ineffective as of late. I have always believed you reap what you sow and that in time the sacrificing I was doing would be to their benefit. There is no such evidence currently. How does one of my children who fights to eat anything healthy recover quicker than the child who refuses to eat any junk and eats extremely healthy? How is it that my children catch everything and seem to have no resistance. For years I have been a fighter and refused to believe that junk food should ever prevail...To this day I have no proof. I feel I have lost the fight and I feel defeated.

2.) For all six of my children I could barely breastfeed. I would nurse every hour for a year because I believed it was healthier. I did what I could to eat right and eat well to make this happen, but to no avail. I remember begging and pleading with Heavenly Father to help me feed my children as he did Nephi's wife...but nothing changed, my children were still thin and hungry and I did lose that fight. I persevered and still nursed with a hope, but nothing changed. I lost the fight.-

3.) weight retention. It doesn't matter how much I exercise, eat right, don't eat or what I do eat-I CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT!!!!
Another lost battle.

4.) I used to believe you reap what you sow. That if you want something bad enough and work hard enough anything is possible..not so. Not for me anyway. I DO believe that law works out for others, but not for me. Trevor and I have spent the last 6 years training him for a career that could offer security, his satisfaction and a sufficient income.
This last month, we lost it all....
Many of you may know that Trevor got that job in Louisiana. We worked so hard for that. Not only Trevor in training and schooling and building time as an instructor but me on the Internet finding him a job. Hope is always in the back of your mind. You tell yourself that if you want it bad enough it is possible and it will happen. So that is what I did. I thought we had our break with this job. That all the hard work had paid off. We were going to to have a salary-more money than we have ever had. That is not the point to me, I am not a Gold Digger. But security and a stable future is what I am after. After three months of being employed, Me working mostly myself to get the house up for sale by doing repairs and packing he lost the job. Rotorcraft Leasing lost 3 helicopters in the ocean. While no one what hurt, their biggest contract left and took their business somewhere else. They were down 20% of their work and let go of 20% of their employees, Trevor being the new guy was one of them.
Here we are in my in-laws of whom we only meant to transition with and we are stuck here. It's amazing to me that in a second everything is gone. I don't have my home anymore (we have a few offers) Most of my things are sold. It's a good thing the home is up for sale, I feel ahead in that under the circumstances that is what we would have needed to do. It is so hard to lose everything. Yes, I still have Trevor and my children. But everything we worked for we have lost. It was a miracle-and it took a fight to get the job he had. I know what we are up against. I know how messed up the economy is and even worse how bad the jobs are in the nation. We have spent up to 4 hours everyday for a month trying to find something. No one is hiring. People have lost their retirement. They have had their income cut in half. With this, it has backed up the flow of employment so that guys like Trevor are stuck and there are more people than there are jobs. And because the economy is down the touring is down. No matter where we turn there doesn't feel like a solution. Sure, maybe spring might open more positions but that feels like a lifetime a way. Who at 30 wants to be completely dependant on their parents? We are discouraged and feel humiliated.
I could fight and work for a job and research like the feisty fighter in me usually does, but for what. Haven't I always lost every battle I fight. I am beginning to feel like a powerless pawn with no say in my own life. I have never asked for anything unreasonable. I am not a stuffy high maintenance wife. I don't care about jewelry, makeup, clothes and things. I don't even care about the home I live in. I know what matters most. It's the people in the home and the memories that they can fill in their life. Everything I have mentioned above is a righteous desire. I feel that out of respect I have honored the things of God and tried to be obedient to them. I am just asking for a job so that we can have sufficient for our needs.
Will this be a fight I lose too? And what am I supposed to make of the constant failure? How many of those does it take to learn learned helplessness?
(I told you this was negative.)

Because That is what Women do.

2010-08-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

It's been 10 days since Trevor left for Louisiana. While I miss him immensely, I have been too busy to stoop over it. I have not only been working with our handy man sheetrocking, mudding, sanding,painting and repairing but I have also been dejunking, cleaning, cooking, childcare, yard and garden care, packing, sorting and even doing a garage sale.
I know, garage sale is white trash...I have always thought so. But it was an inspiration when my good friend Arlow asked not only me to join him in his garage sale, but my best friend Alicia and her family. It was a crazy day yesterday. I helped him carry a half a block down all the furniture piece by piece until midnight the morning before and then we were up at five to be ready by six. But I made money off of a lot of thing we wont be able to take and now I don't have to D.I. it or pack it. My house is empty, save a few stick of furniture pieces. But I have my children and that is what matters. It's amazing how much stuff we can collect or pack into a house. And really, It's a good thing Trevor is not here, he would put up a stink about keeping everything. (For anyone who has been in his garage knows just what I am talking about). So the pack rat he is, is a compliment to me.
Anyway, I am thoroughly exhausted. My body has been asking me to stop working but, I can't. There is too much to do. And when the construction, yard, children and moving has filled up my daylight hours I put the children to bed and stay up until around 2 to get the things done I can't do with kids about me. Then at 6:30 am, I am up again to start this all over again. But it is coming along. I am having to rely a lot on the kids to do their fair share and most of them have been helpful and understand I need their help. I don't know how I am doing it all. I take that back. I have prayed for God to sustain me, that I may do all I need to do and he has. I keep telling myself, "you can do this on step at a time." But I have not been alone either. Arlow and Michelle and Alicia and John were there to help and support me with all the furniture transportation. I COULD NOT have done that alone, even with God's help. And I am finding a strength within me that I didn't know I had. But I do it because I am a woman. And this is what women do. Sometimes I feel I can relate to the pioneers in a small way. Leaving most everything behind, going to a place that I know little about and doing it without a husband. It's pathetic really that I miss Trevor's company, but not his help. He has been so busy in school and 2 jobs that I have done everything without him for YEARS. He has brought in the money, but I have done EVERYTHING else...And that, has tapped into the inner strength of womanhood that all women possess, but need to develop.
I have another 8 or so days until Trevor gets back. I am getting excited to paint after all the repair I have done and have him come home to a lot of the projects done. My handyman has been such a blessing. I don't know how I could have done everything without him either. It is so great to have someone to ask if I am unsure about my own construction work. I can honestly say, I see the Lord's hand in helping me throughout my life and in all I do.
Trevor is doing great. He has flown out over the ocean, landed on platforms that sway in the ocean (yikes) and he is studying really hard for all the testing that is before him. I know the Lord is with him. We miss each other terribly. But I am excited and a little frightened for our new adventure. I look forward to the fresh start and the growth we may experience. I am thrilled to be in the missionary field. And last, but not least, I am excited to escape the Cache valley, never ending, long, dreary, depressing, cold, cabin feverish, boring, monotonous, restless, snow, snow clothes, ice, snow blowing, sicknesses, and vitamin D deficient winters.
While, I know everything is not going to be peachy, I choose to look for the good in every place I am at. I am just tired of finding the good in Cache Valley winters! I look forward to the larger paycheck and salary at that. I look forward to the benefits, yeah, I might be able to get Alexis braces. I look forward to nearly year round gardening.

2010-07-23T20:42:00.000-07:00

The other night amidst bedtime and evening exhaustion from long hot and busy days I was feeling unsurprisingly overwhelmed. Trevor was trying to get the computer unfrozen and while he was waiting I grabbed him and said, "hey, let's go jump on the tramp." He looked at me and didn't know if I was okay or not but took me up on it. (I have been known to have forgotten how to have fun) We giggled in the dark as he bounced me clearly higher than I was bouncing him. Then we just laid on the tramp and looked at the moonlit sky. It was a simple beauty really. The heavens are such a wonder when you take the time to just look at them-kind of like smelling the roses. I am ashamed to say that I haven't done it in a long time. We just cuddled and pretty soon Trevor was making out faces of the clouds in the night time sky. He found a melancholy lady-Jesus with a crown on his head and some sort of an ogre...the kind he would carve in a pumpkin face. It was so healing for me to just relax and have simple fun.
I haven't posted about our current events for fear of shattering all hope. He did get an interview out of our New Orleans trip. They told him to plan on starting the next day and that they "look forward to having him on board" It's such a blessing in this unstable economy. I am so thankful to have this job, we have worked so hard for it. Yet I am afraid to say I have been less then a lady about being patient. I was reading scriptures with the children tonight 3 Nephi Chapter 13 has a sermon from Christ during his visit to the America's he said, "Be not ye therefore like unto them, for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of before ye ask him. Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and thieves break through and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal. For where your treasure is there will your heart be also. Therefore I say unto you, take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?"
In this economy and with Trevor's unpredictable and unsteady income the last few years have tested my faith-our faith many times. It's easy to give into despair however, a scripture comes to mind "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7).
All too often I have chosen or given into despair when God needed me to trust him. I am not sure why we were blessed with a job and I do feel undeserving. But I am grateful. As Trevor kept saying, "for some reason the Lord has always blessed us." I must do better and choose faith. "For behold I am God. And I am a God of miracles...and I work not among the children of men save it be according to their faith" 2 Nephi 27:23

The wise woman verses the foolish woman

2010-06-24T11:06:00.000-07:00

Here is yet another great article I found...thought I would share. There is great work and ways for me to improve upon. But like the article says below, line upon line. Many times and in many ways I have been like the foolish woman. Indeed I am grateful for articles of reminders such as these. I am grateful for the fulfillment I receive at church and the principles taught therein. I am above all grateful for a Patient Father in Heaven and a merciful Savior who is on my side...

This morning, I began to consider Proverbs 14:1 which says, “Every wise woman builds her house: but the foolish pluck it down with her hands.” And to reflect on the wise woman verses the foolish woman. This passage contrasts two women who were both “stay-at-home” types. However, only one is praised for her virtue.

The Wise Woman

First, the wise woman will build her home. She will garnish it with the grace of feminine beauty suitable to the admiration of both sexes. She will adorn it with the flowers of fair speech, kindly intuition, and gracious acts of mercy. She may not have much in terms of material possessions, but she is thrifty and builds upon what she already has. Or, if she is wealthy, she gives much of it away for the service of God and to be used to build His kingdom. She adds to the family economy by working “willingly with her hands.” She fixes mementos in her home by making memories out of her speech, which is “the law of kindness.” It is her portrait that is seen when a stray thought returns to her home. Her husband may be grand, or less esteemed in the world’s eyes, but she builds him up in love, respect, and affection, calling him lord. She shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of his house. Her society may be disagreeable or pleasurable, but she does all that she can to benefit the downtrodden and needy. She does not shame, but builds and restores that which is broken within and without. And, to all, she is careful not to show impatience or impolite behavior. The woman who builds her house lays it with her very life, her health, and her strength. She willingly lays down her life so that others around her may flourish. Her pleasure is gained by seeing others edified and cared for.

The Foolish Woman

In opposition, the foolish woman will be the one that pulls down with her hands what she does have. That which she alone has been entrusted with to cultivate, nurture, and beautify, she destroys. With crass words, complaining lips, and a murmuring spirit, she finds discontentment in everything. Her work is to chase vanity and to imitate vain people. Rather than work on her home (her very heart) she lets the thorns of bitterness encapsulate the life pulses of love and tenderness. Mark that woman! And, approach not unto her home to learn her ways. She will continue to sink lower and lower as her foundations crumble. Eventually, she will have nothing left. She who pulls it down, uses others to gratify her own desires. Her pleasure is mounted on the displeasures and discomforts of others.

Let us, as Reforming Women, strive to be those who build up their houses.

Repentance to God and man may be a daily thing as it is with me!

You may always wonder whether you will gain the mastery over your spirit.

You may cry every day “Help me God to do what’s right.”
God sees you and he knows you.

He will comfort you so that you can comfort others. Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.”

A house is not built except one stone at a time.

Even what has been torn down can be rebuilt for service to God!

Let’s get building
the home God has given
each of us to cultivate!

The privilege of Motherhood

2010-06-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

I had the privilege of stumbling across this blog and what an inspiration. I am thankful for these simple yet profound reminders. I have pasted the text below from her blog...I hope she doesn't mind. May just a small portion of what she has to say that I have included below be a blessing to you as it was to me...
Motherhood is a gift from God. He has perfectly designed you to be a mother (spiritually/emotionally as well as physically). God has designed you in a general way for your role, but He has also in his sovereignty designed you in a particular way for your particular children.

Embrace your role. Don’t see it only as an obligation to endure. Be creative. Enjoy it. God called you to be a wife and mother – a homemaker. A homemaker is not just a housewife. A homemaker creates a pleasant, clean, peaceful, relaxing, safe, accepting environment. A godly homemaker creates a home that honors the Lord and is overflowing with love.

Practice your calling with the same passion that you would have if you were called to be an astronaut or a doctor. Your career choice was made when your child was born. You have been called to raise a child for God. If, for example, you have the education and training to be a banker, your primary career is still being a mother and your secondary career is being a banker. If you are a teacher, you are a teacher after being a wife and mother. If you are a nurse, you are a nurse after being a wife and mother. If you are a missionary, you are a missionary after being a wife and mother. Your primary career, according to the Scriptures, is your career as a wife and mother.

Remember that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. There is no more important or significant task on planet earth than preparing the next generation to serve God.

Succor His people

2010-05-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

I am getting caught up on some Ensigns and have come across some things that have really jumped out at me. Challenges in life are never easy. But we have a choice in adversity to search within the deepest reaches of our heart and find deep down truths that we know but have set aside or to feel angry and ignore those truths. I am thankful that no matter how low I have been, I have always been able to recognize my testimony and these truths (this is not an invitation for harsher trials). Harold B. Lee said, "Sometimes when we are going through the most sever tests, we will be nearer to God than we have any idea." Sometimes suffering comes by our own agency and other times by the agency of others but in every situation Christ is there to succor his people. "Christ suffered pains, afflictions, and temptations of every kind so he could be filled with mercy and know how to succor his people according to their infirmities" (Alma 7: 11-12). There is a simple element of truth and a principle to embrace here. It is the key of forgiveness. Christ is able to forgive because he has compassion. He suffered all that he may know how to succor. I think back to all the times in my life that required forgiveness on my part. Forgiveness was given because compassion was found. While all the key points of the atonement are deeper than I believe we can comprehend in this life, compassion is the basic key to enabling one to forgive. And I believe forgiveness is one of the things we must learn in this life, it is a Godlike characteristic. Furthermore, once again, the atonement is not for the sinner alone but the sufferer. Many times in my life when I needed someone to understand, I knew Christ could. It is comforting to me to know that he knows everything about me, how I feel, what I have been through and what my potential/intentions are/were. It is humbling and gratifying to know that he will be my defender. I am grateful for these truths. I am grateful I am learning the true character of God. I find joy in the testimony that has never let me down and for a patient Father and Brother who know me well. This past Sunday I was called, unexpectedly, into the Primary Presidency. This is a humbling calling for me. One I am grateful for and feel absolutely unworthy of. But I am honored that God would think enough of me to put me in the care of his little ones. Rest assured, I will do my utmost best. For I have covenanted to him with a resolution to serve him all the days of my life.

Time out.

2010-05-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

Life is interesting. When one takes a time out from the busyness of things one can appreciate the more simple and subtle things of life. I have enjoyed our time at the heritage center once again for this purpose. The basics of life and refocusing are all encompassed in that little farm. I love the scriptures. Nephi is my favorite, well one of them. Perhaps it is because he is so personable about who he is and what he struggles with that I can know of him better. Many things have been jumping out at me as I have been studying my scriptures and the spirit has been teaching me. That is the beautiful thing about taking time out, humbling oneself and refocusing. As hard as it is to be humbled, at the same time it is a blessing when you turn it into a strength and use it for good. The Spirit has so much to offer and the Grace of Jesus who has mastered all to set the example are once again proof of a Father's divine love. I have often thought how neat it would be to take a time out and mediate on a solitary island. My little home and my wonderful family can be that sanctuary. Trevor is an amazing person of whom I have learned so much from. I love the man he is, feel the privilege of being sealed to such a great spirit. I am so grateful for the gift God gave me when he gave me Trevor. And if that wasn't enough, I now enjoy six heavenly spirits of whom I feel so incompetent to raise. Yet, I am not alone in this journey-I have been blessed with wonderful people who surround me and fill in the gaps that I am not able to do. Christ is one of those, I am thankful that by the grace of him my shortcomings can become enough to these children...how thankful I am for timeouts.

2010-05-17T23:16:00.000-07:00

2010-05-17T22:39:00.001-07:00

SO many things to be thankful for...Trevor's life was spared when he experienced an engine failure in his helicopter. This confirmed 2 things for me. 1.) He is in the Lord's hands and his life is being protected. 2.)Trevor is not only competent during high stress situations at doing the necessary procedures to save his life and anyone with him. I am so thankful to know these two things. He was complimented by the FAA representative on how well he handled himself and that he did everything possible with correctness in the situation. He was released from any responsibility of error on his part and it is believed, thus far, that he had a mechanical failure. I love this man dearly, and am thankful to know these things. I am thankful to not be a widow and we have been holding each other a little more tightly lately-praying more fervently. Shock is interesting. You never know how you are going to handle yourself. I am thankful that Trevor made the call to me and not an officer.
The two of us are flying to New Orleans to personally hand out resumes. Well, okay, I am not doing his business-I will wait in the car and read a book. But for fun I get to go. Anyone who knows me knows I don't give up. The morning of the helicopter crash I told Trevor he should go down and do it while they are hiring. After all, with all the resumes being sent in, his is just another one and a personal visit just may be the solution.I will have to post pictures. I have been having fun getting rather confused and overwhelmed with all there is to do in New Orleans according to the Internet. I must clarify that the companies we are looking into will bridge the gap he has with experience so that he can do life flight one day. Right out of school all you can do is build hours teaching. Now that he is eligible for further training he is qualified for other employment. This has been a long, slow and monotonous process. The students don't come, or the weather is poor and cannot fly, he doesn't get paid. And believe me, there is only so much ground one can do in the long Cache Valley winters. The oil rigs will hire a pilot, with experience such as his to fly the bigger aircraft and transport supplies and workers on and off shore and they pay salary! So many of the companies that do this work are a couple hours from New Orleans-Lafayette area. It's a relief to not be looking at the prospects of living directly in New Orleans and I can say that in ignorance because I haven't actually been there before. But I do believe I have heard enough. I also feel comfortable with the fact that I have my children with me, doing home school. Otherwise, I wouldn't consider it.

Alexis did well on her solo with the orchestra she was selected for. She won the spotlight as solo violinist. It was a great opportunity. I will post pictures of that later. I found her a great dress and we got her all dressed up for her night. It hit Trevor and me at just how much she is growing up. She was...is beautiful and did so well. We are proud of her and thankful for all we have been blessed with in this regard.

1996?

2010-02-10T15:37:00.000-08:00

I found this picture from a classmate, I think it is 1996, Just before I turned 16 and got married-Yikes! I didn't realize what a baby I was. When you are that young you think you can accomplish everything, which is perhaps the way it is meant to be. There is an entire world out there that needs to be tackled and it takes all the optimism and courage one can muster. How blessed I was that I ended up with a good man who was/is willing to work and that him and I are on the same page with a lot of things. It's been good.

Formal Night

2010-02-10T15:04:00.000-08:00

I finally got these pictures from my father-in-law of the formal night from our curise. It was nice to be able to spend that time with Trevor since we never really did get to before we became parents. Such fun memoriesI was among the very few who covered up. It felt good to be modest and stand for what I believe in.

I was having fun feeling like newly weds again

What the heck.....

2010-02-03T16:01:00.000-08:00

So I just got done with music lessons on skype and I go upstairs to check on the rest of the kids and finish my job chart project that I have been working on, before I need to prepare dinner. And this is what I find...
3 naked boys running around
all the bedding ripped off the beds
All the toy box organizers emptied on the floor and toys everywhere.
One of those boxes used as a toilet with you know what floating in it.
All the garbage emptied everywhere, yes I need to revaccuum
oranges and orange peels strewn all over the place
clothes taken out of the drawers and closet
My job chart project scattered everywhere
(Ha, job chart-is it hopeful?)
Water and toothpaste on the floor, and it needs to be rewashed
poopy water on the micro cars-they need to be washed.
scrapbooking tape all over the carpet
ANOTHER load of laundry because of the newly soiled towels and clothes
Did I miss mentioning something? All this in an hour.
But that is three boys for you, trapped inside for going on 120 days...

Now the girls on the other hand are quietly playing with dolls

The difference between boys and girls.
Looks like I got my work cut out for me.
-and them

The Giver

2010-01-28T15:34:00.000-08:00

This is a great book that I just finished with my children. It has so many deep thought provoking questions and makes sense of the fall of man and Eve's wisdom in her decision to partake of the fruit. I would highly recommend it to anyone with children 10 and older-maybe as young as 8. We had a great time discussing during and after this book. "It is better that we experience sorrow, that we may know the good from the evil." At first I didn't know what was going on in this book, and I heard from the kids, "not that book! It's just an old man and it looks boring!!" But then I soon realized the pure genius and creativity in the message. A classic!

Better late than never-

2010-01-18T12:39:00.000-08:00

Here are some of the pictures from the trip to Germany/Austria/Bavaria almost 2 years ago. I just got them from my father-in-law. They were ones he took.

German Cemetary. I wish America would do it this way.
The guys infront of the entrance to Hitler's hideout.
All of us infront of a gorgeous lake/Germany

The view from inside the castle.
Neushwanstein Castle

2010-01-18T12:24:00.001-08:00

What a talent she has...

2010-01-15T20:32:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned, I love photography and am fascinated by beautifying things. Her are some of my favorite pictures that I have come across. I would love to hire this girl!I love the colors and the joy this one expresses.
I love how classy these two are.
They really are natural

21 Things about me...

2010-01-14T21:07:00.000-08:00

Okay so at the top of my head, here are 11 things I like and 10 things I don't...

1. I love the art of cooking and enjoy it when it's a success with others. It's even better when it is healthy.
2.) I love to travel. I get itchy to try new things, places and people. I consider myself an adventurer. I don't like to live in one place too long thus far. When traveling in a car, I prefer the autobond. Speed is what I need-yippeee!
3.) I love knowledge and learning especially when it adds to the character.
4.) I love art. This includes portraits, especially of women (not nude) Bouguereau is my favorite artist. It has to have people in it. They tell such a fascinating story.
5.) I love music. But certain kinds. Most country (no hill billy bar stuff or nonsense songs about tractors), Most classical (It's got to paint a story and make sense.) Some alternative (current favorite is coldplay, Viva La Vida, Yellow and Clocks) I like Broadway music, Mandy Moore in Cry, Wanna be with you and especially Only hope; she has a beautiful voice. Some religious music. I like stuff like Enya and the Celtic Women. To me, if the melody sounds good then I go to the lyrics. If I don't like the Melody it's a no for me. I like to sing where nobody can hear me :)
6.) Reading, I love classic books and the epiphanies that await the reader. I love history and the study of human behavior. I am not one for cheap romance novels such as Twilight-even though the movies were entertaining. I would prefer to spend my time advancing myself. I especially love to read to my children and have discussions. Again, I only like to read the best to them. We discuss life lessons and principles and how to apply them to our lives. I would love to be a children's author and just might pursue a publisher with the books I have written.
7.)I love health and nutrition. I believe it is part of my mission in life and that I have a sacred duty to take care of my children's bodies. You will never catch me feeding my children "fruit" snacks or cold cereal. All our "fruit" snacks are real fruit and all my cereals are homemade-in fact everything I do is homemade.
8.)I love the smell of spring and basking in the warm sun surrounded by the aroma of blossoming flowers. I am completely in my element to lie in a hammock or better yet, in Trevor's arms and enjoy new life bursting forth. I love to hold a new born baby. (new life?)I love the color green, It represents life and health. But I also really like blues.
9.)I love dancing. Once, when I was twelve and my brother Jason got married, he had a friend that knew how to dance...and I mean KNEW HOW TO DANCE. He grabbed me and swung me around and I didn't have a clue what dance he was doing but there we were the center of attention and I was having the time of my life as he was completely in the lead.
10.)Trevor asked what I want to do when the kids are all out of the house. I have been so wrapped up in raising and schooling children, and supporting my husband and his career that somewhere I have forgotten what it is I like to do and who I am. I recognize this is not good. I have a curiosity for photography. I think it would be so fun to be a photographer. I also would love to illustrate children's books. Perhaps I will take an art class.
11.)I am drawn to people spiritually. I usually get along better with older people. As I was growing up, I always had more male friends. So when I do get a close girl friend it is because of a spiritual connection usually. I guess I am a deep person, I don't know how else to be. A lot of women are superficial. What you see is what you get with me. I am who I am.

Okay, for what I don't like:

1.) Pop. I hate soda and colored candy and junk like that-but I do have a weakness for chocolate. I cannot stand to see people drink pop. To think how it's ruining their bodies bothers me.
2.)Profanity, especially the Lord's name in vain...most of us are Christians and follow the 10 commandments...I don't get it.
3.)Really violent movies ( I did like the Borne series, but it has a great story.)Hated Transformers. It was so junky in every way to me. Especially the Megan Fox thing. Often I tune out and appear to be watching the show but my mind wonders and I couldn't tell you what just happened. I can sit there for a few hours and do this.
4.) Desecration of women, namely Pornography. What are we doing to ourselves. But I don't even like nude art or nudity in movies. I wont watch them.
5.)Winter (okay, I like it for about a month)
6.)Rap, Rock, most alternative, dance beat etc.
7.)Seafood. I know this is not good, so I eat and feed my family Salmon. But come on. When you see a resemblance between insects and seafood, why would you eat it? Really, Crawfish looks like a giant bug and so does lobster and Crab and shrimp. Now I have to admit the meat looks moist, flaky and good, but the smell is so bad and it looks so weird and you have to mutilate it to get to the meat...Why did someone ever look at a crab and say, "Mmmm, this looks like a giant spider, I think I will eat it?" I know I am missing out on nutrition, but I will take a supplement. Ironically I do support my children and husband in eating it...Maybe I will too one day-who knows!
8.)Crowds. I can't be around too many people for too long. I love and need people but then I have to go inside and recharge. I do love to go to parties and visit and have fun with friends. Often Trevor nudges me at a party that it is time to go, and he will leave me after church and wait for me in the car while I visit with people. When I have had my fill, I do retreat some. I prefer a home that when I walk outside, I cannot see anyone else's house. I feel claustrophobic now, and so I don't go in my yard often. I don't like to be watched and feel as if I am. But when I specifically say crowds, I am talking about Rome, Vegas or L.A. or something busy like that. You feel packed in.
9.)Public speaking. I enjoyed it as a kid in church, but now it terrifies me. I know that I could be good at it though.
10.) Fighting. I don't like it when I have upset somebody. But I also don't like Children to be disrespectful. This upsets me. Any literature or modern movies that portray this, I try not to support.

I wonder how much this matches to a "Virgo" See below.

Virgo

2010-01-14T14:30:00.000-08:00

Recently, I have discovered more about what my zodiac symbol means. At first, when I researched it, I got harsh impressions of perfectionism, order and coldness. I can almost bet Martha Stewart is one and the character of Dana Scully on X-files. I was feeling pretty bummed about being a Virgo. But then I found this article and showed it to my husband. He laughed and said, "wow, that pretty much sums you up." It seems a little more fair as in other listings seem against virgos. Perhaps this was written by a virgo ;) There is still much I disagree with in here, but at least it's not all bad! To all those Virgos that fit the mold of order, percision and cleanliness, let me offer a cure-A husband with an unpredictable job,a house full of kids in a home under construction-That'll do it to ya!

The woman governed by Virgo cannot easily be won over. Her approach to life is direct and she can also be pessimistic, critical and something of a fusser. Yet, she is so elementally “earthy” in her judgments, that she is one of the few female types of the Zodiac who can be trusted in every way. This female frequently possesses the reasoning powers normally associated with the male population and she refuses to stoop to hiding this by adopting a veneer of helpless and feminine charm. Regardless, this woman is usually very feminine in appearance, generally being neat, small-boned and attractive with deep eyes. Beneath the surface, however, the Virgo female is quite severe in her moral judgments, despite frequently masking this with a smiling face that she presents to the world at large. She lives by her morals and principles. This woman is by no means a spoil-sport…being tolerant and wise in many ways…but she does set such high standards for herself that she often virtually seethes with inner tension. She is often critical of self, especially feeling that motherhood has diminished her attractiveness. She has a sense of health. She is frequently intellectual with the gift of language or the powers of a retentive memory which aids her in passing examinations, the Virgo female is something of an academic type. All this can be rather intimidating and frightening for the ordinary individual. However, her countenance is certainly not lacking in attractive features and she can be counted among the more prettier types of the Zodiac.

In addition, this woman can remain lively and vivacious well into old age. She usually loves travel and new things. As a long term partner, she will constantly strive for perfection in every area, backing her mate in terms of career and putting her mate first while trying to be fairly self-effacing. She most often prefers not to be the center of attention. At first, she may seem cold, but once the passion is ignited it is hard to suppress. This woman is passionate and sympathetic and her drive is to help others. As a mother, strangely enough, she can be relatively indulgent, taking infinite pains to understand her children and self-sacrifice to do so. She makes a dedicated wife and mother. The Virgo woman is considered by many to be one of the most subtle and delicately-cast females to be found in the entire Zodiac and once confident in who she is, the most dynamic. Her need is to love and be loved.

Aries - March 21 - April 20
Taurus - April 21 - May 21
Gemini - May 22 - June 21
Cancer - June 22 - July 22
Leo - July 23 - August 21
Virgo - August 22 - September 23
Libra - September 24 - October 23
Scorpio - October 24 - November 22
Sagittarius - November 23 - December 22
Capricorn - December 23 - January 20
Aquarius - January 21 - February 19
Pisces - February 20 - March 20

How well do you match with your zodiac?

A glimpse from the past, blessing the present

2009-10-26T22:40:00.001-07:00

This past fall the children and I volunteered at the American west Heritage center. For those of you that aren't aware, it is a living farm replicating the year 1917 and the other part 1875. We were able to learn and teach the school groups various farm skills by reenacting history. The kids learned and demonstrated how to milk a cow and what the importance of the barn was. How to harvest and preserve apples, corn, jam, drying and canning in preparation for winter. We had a blast! There is a sense of peace there. And I think the combination of people donating their time and talent in an educational environment, away from the busyness of the world and using what the Lord gave us is a perfect invitation to the spirit. Seriously, the spirit was strong and there was peace there. It reminded me of the temple in that people are dressed alike, no rich or poor or separation of class, working to teach basic skills of conserving what we have been given. I felt totally in my element there. Okay, not just me, the children too looked forward to our Thursday afternoons and relished their learning environment. The workers around took the time to mentor my children and teach them. And all of them grew to love the kids. And it was so fun to dress up! Justin kept on telling me, "mom you look so pretty in your farm dress." I just had to laugh. I certainly didn't feel pretty, but practical. It was indeed more comfortable than modern cloths I might add. Somehow I felt more feminine. I had time to ponder about life, how chaotic it has become. And how wonderful life can be just being simple. Like the scriptures tell us, "through small and simple things, great things are brought to past." We adored our time there and will sign up for the pioneer site next spring to witness weaving, sheep shearing, baby animals arriving and again teaching the basics from the year 1875.

whisperings

2009-07-14T20:00:00.000-07:00

Today was a busy day, not unlike many others. I had a meal prepared for dinner when a whispering came to me to give a widow Trevor and I home teach some of it. My first thought was, "Oh, it's not that nice of a meal, perhaps another night." I do have to say in my defense, that it was more like a thought and I often think of the people I have been entrusted with their care. So much to the point I can easily wear myself out doing too much. So I am really trying to simplify life and offer my best self to my children. But then it whispered again "take sister Bradshaw a meal." It is not uncommon, I take a meal to her once a month, but I followed through with the prompting and set a plate up for her. Upon arriving I learned she had just had surgery and was in need of a meal....How grateful I was, that during my chaotic day and shortcomings of even being worthy/available for the spirit to prompt me, I received a tender mercy and the spirit was patiently persistent with my nauiveness. To be in tune with the spirit is all I could want in this life. I need its guidance daily with the heavy responsibilities that are mine. This inspires me to live my best for the constant companionship of the spirit's whisperings.

Lost in Love

2009-07-13T22:04:00.000-07:00

I first of all want to give all the credit to an old class mate of mine that took these great shots-Jayme. With her permission from her website I had to post these. Have you ever loved someone so much that everything around you seems to disappear but them when you are together? It is so fun to be lost in love. I love the mystery that surrounds love, it makes you want to be in on their secret- It would be so fun to capture shots like this with Trevor.

Turkey!

2009-06-29T16:32:00.000-07:00

Turkey was so different. I wasn't sure what to expect being in a Muslim country. I made sure I was very modest and kept quiet to get a feel for what was appropriate as a woman in this country. I soon learned, that while there was still traditionally dressed Muslim women it is a very modern Muslim country with many cultures. I still felt careful as to trust anyone here. We learned there is a rug mophia here, okay, that is my interpretation of their conspiracy to get you to buy rugs. From the private tour guide to the taxi guy-they work with those that own the rug markets to trap tourists into buying their expensive rugs. We were in a room full of these guys-just the four of us and my poor mother-in-law was the focus of these men. As kind as they were we felt very unsafe and we were trying to figure out how to get out of there. Thank heavens for a dramatic Chinese lady shouting "where is the cheap stuff? You said this was cheap in here?" That she was a distraction and we bailed out of there. But we had fun seeing the Haga Sophia and the Blue Mosk. They have gorgeous tile work and it was neat to see that. I do have to say, the spirit is not present in there at all. Just an Erie feeling. We had fun at the Grand Bizarre and to realize that has probably been the center for trade for thousands of years is pretty amazing. It was fun to buy stuff here where it is a lot cheaper and to Haggle. Trevor did the Haggling. He just offered them 1/8 the price and made them come down to what he wanted them to sell it for. So really he didn't haggle but I like his style. We loved the Turkish Delight. Mildly sweet jellies. We bought some in bulk and learned it is rather addicting. So I wanted to buy my kids a box of it and when we brought it home for them to taste it was way sweeter than the recipe we had in Turkey. So we missed it. We stopped to have lunch and had a Turkish gyro. They put marinated meat on a Kabob and it rotates to stay warm. They slice it off and serve it with vegetables and warm soft pitas. Trevor still talks about how good the food is and gave me a challenge to mimick it here.
Ephesus was neat. It is amazing to stand somewhere and realize that is where Paul preached the gospel. To see history brings it to life. It was amazing to have been in Mother Mary's home. We just feel so privileged to have had this chance to go to these countries and to see such historical sights. It was a lot of fun spending time with Steven and Cindy and make memories. We will be forever grateful that we had this once in a lifetime chance.

GREECE!

2009-06-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

I loved Greece, Mykonos the little island most. Everything was stark white with blue accents. We pulled up to port and saw the village and it is exactly what you would expect from a Greek island. Small, white and blue. I loved this is the same way I loved the french village-Eze. They were both narrow alleys, rock (Mykonos was painted white)They were small scale,quaint and clean. We had breakfast there and I enjoyed an omelet Greek style-of course excellent. Greece and Spain have the best fresh squeezed orange juice-to die for! Anyway, it was fun to walk around the little village and enjoy the shops and friendly natives. Things here were not as expensive as other places. This was one of my favorite places on the trip because it was so unique. Athens was another big European city. And all cities in Europe are about the same. It was cool to see the ancient ruins on the top of the hill though. It was amazing to experience this piece of the world (okay, the entire trip for that matter) but to see this history and relate to the stories of history we read about was incredible. It was really hot, the hottest day and we were against slippery white stone and so, me without sun glasses it was difficult to stay up their too long. But what a blessing it was to be there. We came down and sat at a cafe to order lunch, I decided I don't like Greek lamb Kabobs. Of course I didn't know it was lamb. But there vegetables and fresh Pitas were great. I regret I didn't have something I like in Greece except that egg omelet because the food is famous for its flavor and spices. Greece was amazing! We had so much fun and built so many memories. Next up is Turkey!

All of Italy

2009-06-22T11:07:00.001-07:00

We literally went all over Italy. We loved Italy. The people were friendlier, warmer and treated you better than a tourist. The men seemed to have a custom of respect for women and insisted that women were first in everything from ordering and receiving food, to purchasing. Italy was wonderful. There was so much history to see, of course the architecture was fabulous and rich with history. I loved all the statues, especially when you could find one dressed. If I ever had a lot of money I would put beautiful, dressed statues in my garden. The food was great, no matter where we went and it was fun to see the distinct look of the Italians. Our journey began in Florence, which was our least favorite place in Italy. Perhaps it was because it was our only guided tour day. But we saw some neat burial places like, Leonardo Divinci and Galileo. The leaning tower of Pisa was cool to see and experience as well.
The next place we went was the Island of Capri. It was beautiful and quaint. They are known for their lemons and they were about the size of a small football. A lot of celebrities come here and so you see a lot of designer shops and know that it is pointless to buy anything. However, I did buy myself and my girls a music box that is inlaid wood, a dying art that the island has been famous for. It was just beautiful and picturesque.
Rome, while most people do it in 5 days, we did it in 5 hours. Way too fast and I regret we didn't have more time there. It is packed with history and magnificence. We didn't get to see all of the Vatican. There were too many people and the Pope was having Sunday service-reverent I know. We did get to hear him pray and hear the choir though, which was an experience. But as my mother in law says, it is the church of all churches. So we regret we didn't see all of it, but what we did was impressive. I loved the Trevy fountains and Trevor loved the Colosseum. Everywhere you look there are fountains and structures that are apart of history, yet they have included them into their current building structures. So neat and ancient compare to what we find in America with our newer history.
The last place we were actually at was in Venice. We loved Venice and wanted more time there. The uniqueness of the water ways and the beauty all around had such a different kind of charm-a kind of romance. There were mask shops everywhere and the more you looked around the more confused you got. But with the patience of my father-in-law, I was able to bring home 6 of them for our kids. It was so beautiful and overwhelming, that I am still taking it in. I am so thankful to have had the chance to see the bigger things of Italy and experience it. It is something I have always wanted to do and we had such a blast. We will always be grateful that we had this once in a lifetime chance.

Spain, France and Monte Carlo

2009-06-18T21:44:00.000-07:00

Trevor and I had such a blast. We saw so many neat things that it was literally overwhelming. We are so blessed to have been able to take this opportunity. Because we saw so much I will divide the slide shows up according to the countries we were in. So the first one is Spain, France and Monte Carlo. Spain had unique markets. I am sure you can find these things where ever you go, but in all the countries we were in we didn't see another market like it. Aside from the produce, we didn't like the food too well. It was neat to be in Barcelona-Columbus' home. And Europe is always fun for the archetecture/churches. It is neat to just sit back and take it in.
Monte Carlo was overwhelming because you could feel the money that circulates there. It seems everyone owns a yacht with their own personal crew and we didn't shop there, why bother with the prices. But it was fun to see the palace museum with Napoleon artifacts and All the archetecture and gardens.
We took a cab up into Eze France. Eze is a 14th century village still in use! It was the quaintest thing I have ever seen, and the pictures I have just don't do it justice. Rock pathways, buildings and walls are in great shape with wrought iron widows, hinges, gates and door knockers. They have made use of all the old inns, shops and such and continued using them for the same thing-shops, cafes and hotel inns.It was so cool. I thought it was a perfect day. I even got to try out my rough french, all though the people were rude and ignored me all except one lady of whom I bought post cards from. I had fun conversing with her and it was neat to be in a french speaking country. We are so thankful to have been there and miss these places already. That is all for now. Stay tuned for Italy, Greece and Turkey

Tribute to a boy's best friend, Andre the giant.

2009-06-11T07:45:00.000-07:00

Just a few days ago we got the news that our dog tragically wounded himself and our neighbor had to put him out while we were in Europe. I never understood how people could mourn over a dog, it's just a dog I thought, not a person. But I was quite wrong. Dog's are special members of the family with so much to teach. Aside from the unconditional love he was my children's good friend. Especially Justin who felt like he lost a brother. Justin spent hours playing with Andre, and I think the two had a unique relationship only known to dogs and boys. We adopted Andre a year and a half ago and I think I knew he wouldn't be with us too long because he was older and so I hesitated bonding with him, hoping to save myself from hurting too much when he did go. I was expecting to one day hold him in my arms as he died from old age, but instead he died alone, away from his family to an excruciating brutal death. It's interesting, while I tried to save myself from the hurt of loosing an animal by not giving him my whole heart, I still hurt, perhaps even more for not giving him my all. What a great lesson to apply with our relationships with people. Saints Bernards are a special breed, a magnificant gentle giants with an innate need to watch over, protect and save-thus known as the Saint. So what is a dog anyway? What exactly did God have in mind when he created them? As Trevor and I broke the news to our children and sobs and questions filled the room, I asked these questions myself. To a child, and some people their dog is their world. I found in offering comfort to our children who cried they would never see him again the conviction that we will was stronger than ever. I refuse to believe that animals cease to exsist. And all that I know of God and his deep love for his children, testifies to me that we will see our pets again. Animals are a mere prepatory gateway for the bigger questions and trials that come when losing the people we love. And I know We will miss his kisses, hugs and snoring. We will miss his giant bear like, impressive body. We will miss his need to love us and be with us. We will miss cuddling up to his giant body and having him wrap his arm around us. While we are grateful he shared his life with us and for all he taught us, he will be sorely missed.

Need tools!

2009-05-19T22:29:00.001-07:00

I couldn't resist posting this woman cartoon. I have often said it would be nice if mothers grew arms with each children to help with the multitasking. Often times I am a couple hands to short. I must confess the other day I expressed my frustration to Trevor, (telling him not to take it personal, I just needed to vent. I realize his job is overwhelming too.)I find it difficult to do my job a few arms short, let alone a few tools short. How can I mow the lawn without a lawn mower, till the garden without a tiller, weedwack without a weedwacker, water the garden, newly planted trees and flowers without a hose; Prune my fruit trees without a tree pruner; water my lawn without the irriagtion water turned on!?! It makes it very difficult to take care of things around here with out the means to do it. Our riding lawn mower has been in the shop for the last month. Our tiller broke down and gave out, our hose has busted so many holes that it has no pressure out of the opening so that I can water, plus it can't reach to the other side of the yard to water my fruit trees and grapes. I had a dear neighbor lady (70 years old) come over and ask if we had been sick while trudging through our knee high grass. "No, we haven't been sick." I reply "I have noticed your lawn could use a mowing and would you be okay if I mowed it for you?" "You are not going to mow my lawn, I should be mowing your lawn if I had the mower to do it" I answered. But she refused after I explained the white trash look and brought over her riding lawn mower and I insisted she let me borrow it instead of her doing it and then she ran home to grab her push mower. Our grass is high again and a neighbor asked how much we were charging for hay? I told him just to bring his horses on over and we could hook each other up! Why does everything seem to break at the same time?

Love sac?-Come on!

2009-05-12T22:00:00.001-07:00

Okay, I am an owner of a love sac-I didn't say a proud owner cause I am not. It is one of those things that we will look back on in 20 years and laugh at having ever had one. It was given to my husband cause it's a guy thing. But let's face it-They're ugly, practically useless, big and in the way. As I remodeled my family room and it no longer fits in there I have tried to convince my husband to let it go. But to no avail. He just wont part with it even though I know deep down he knows I am right. So what is with the attachment? Really? It is now out of my newly remodeled/decorated family room and placed into our hallway. Just sitting there like an ancient dinosaur dropping. And the only way to get around it is to climb it. So as I climb it images of Julie Andrews come to my mind and I hear "climb every Mountain" in the distance. Really, Trevor-let it go...

Great credo!

2009-05-11T13:02:00.000-07:00

I had to borrow this from a friend's blog (thanks Sarah) It fits perfectly with how I feel and what I believe in and what I want to pass on to my children.

“I don’t want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.

I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with grass stains on my shoes from mowing Sister Schenk’s lawn. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor’s children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone’s garden. I want to be there with children’s sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.

I want the Lord to know I was really here and that

I really lived.”
- Marjorie Peay Hinckley

Alexis and her trip!

2009-05-08T22:43:00.000-07:00

Alexis had the time of her life on this fantastic opportunity. She truly has come back changed. Out of the 2000 pictures taken, it was hard to choose and I have more I would like to post but I need to get them from my inlaws. Some of the highlights of the trip were:
1.)everything was different, beautiful, fragrant with flowers and HOT and HUMID.
2.)Everywhere she went she was stared at and talked about because of her hair, skin and eye color. Even the monkey had to jump on her lap and touch her hair and look her over!
3.) She got to see some neat historical sights in Cambodia and Thailand and even try out her french skills with some french people.
4.) They were picked up by a limo and driven to a fancy hotel-top notch. Alexis got a video of the room and gardens. She felt like a celebrity.
5.)She overcame her fear of swimming through the mentoring of her dear Grandpa.
6.) She got to play, ride, sit on and feed the elephants. Her favorite was the baby elephant. So cute.
7.)She enjoyed seeing the ocean for the first time on Phuket beach. I will have to include some great pictures the in-laws have when I get them.
8.)she did some service on that floating city full of poverty. She took school supplies to the orphanage and children there. My in-laws have great shots of her distributing those things.
9.) She got to see a piece of the world and therefor has come back changed-mature-grateful.
10.) Most of the little kids went around without bottoms. They didn't have diapers and this took getting used to.
11.) She got to see the hill tribes people and long neck Karrens-a fading people. There are three myths why they wear the rings
a.) to protect the women from tigers that would grab them by the neck while the men were hunting.
b.)To protect them from invading tribes that would steal the women.
c.) their men think it is attractive.
But perhaps they keep it because it is a way of living; drawing in tourists.
12.)she has a greater education. And maybe has been spoiled. She has tasted the wonder of travel and loves it. Her grandparents said she was 99% perfect on that tough trip of traveling, time change, long flights (24 hours) and different food.
Way to go Alexis. We missed you while you were gone, but are so grateful for this experience and the better person it has sparked within you. We are so thankful for grandparents with the means and desire to bless you with this.

2009-04-27T23:05:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzCWSnHxc4M

click to watch fry street in action.

Fry Street Quartet?

2009-04-22T22:00:00.000-07:00

Lucky,blessed- Heaven answers a mother's prayer. I remember last Spring I knew I would be losing yet another violin teacher for my daughters due to them moving. I knew there were only students left to teach. Sometimes as a mother you have intuition for your children on what would be best. Don't get me wrong the teachers they had previously were fantastic. But there comes a point when the training needs to advance. As a mother you feel that and it is very strong. I knew for a long time that Russell would be good for the girls and I had my eye on him. But I am not a musician, and have a little known name in this political, who knows who world. Yet I was brave and had Nonie (the teacher moving) ask him and he said he was too busy. Then during last years spring concert I saw him in the front row and I said a little prayer that if he was meant to be their teacher he would. Well, he came up to me afterwards and said, "I would like to work something out." Who doesn't want to take from him, but he is very selective-he has to be. He has been a fabulous mix with his once a month master classes and Diane Austin who studied with Dr. Suzuki in Japan while he was alive. It was a blessing she took me last minute as well.

If that is not fortunate enough. I have been stuck with the same dilema with my cellist. There are only student teachers-and hers, Rosalie is moving. And I suppose I have been spoiled and know the difference now between a seasoned teacher and a student. So I aimed for the moon, sent it with a prayer and asked Anne Francis if she would take Jessica. This talented lady is in high demand with a two year waiting list. But She will take her now!! I had written her about Jessica and her unusual interest in music. She will play for hours, give up a movie to go play her cello. Make comments about the music in the movies and say "I want my music to be so beautiful it makes people cry." She spends most the time at Grandma's and Grandpa's playing and composing on the piano. She reminds me of the August Rush boy. Always thinking of music. (Are you reading this Carrie, it's a good thing it didn't work out with her, because it is so fun to have a cellist. Although I am sorry for all you went through as her violin teacher.) So we had a lesson with Anne and she will take her!! I feel so blessed. That me, just some Ericksen is working with World reknown people to assist my daughters.

Need a good laugh?

2009-04-10T09:38:00.001-07:00

I thought this was a classic-Have a good weekend.

I lost but I gained

2009-04-08T20:54:00.000-07:00

Today I have conquered a fear. One I have put off for too long. I had a tooth implant done. Not fun minor surgery but at least I don't have to ever worry about that tooth again. If it was a back molar I would have had it pulled, but it wasn't so an implant was in order. However, it will be nice to chew on both sides of the mouth without pain after 2 years. I do have to say that having babies does indeed take a toll on your body. Since I have had them I have lost 2 teeth now (my one back molar is missing)lost skin tone, especially around the stomach,lost half of my hair, grown stretch marks, have a bent tail bone (at least it didn't break), lost my figure and last but not least lost breast quality and quantity. But In the process I have gained six beautiful children and I would do it all over again.

Looking at the Bright side of things

2009-04-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

Since we haven't had "Dad" around the house much with his two jobs during this employment transition I have had plenty of time to think of the good things while he is gone. While this has been hard on our family, especially me I can either wallow in it or conquer it. I choose to conquer. So I will list those things that I have come to look on the bright side with.
1.) I learned how to use a snow blower this winter.
2.) I do all the yard work on nearly an acre of garden/yard-believe me, you can tell
3.) I planned and planted the garden
4.) I learned how to fix the tiller
5.) Done home repairs
6.) ALMOST caught up on all 6 baby books
7.) read a lot of books and learned a lot
8.) Learning french
9.) I plan 3 healthy meals a day (made from scratch)
and pack Trevor a lunch and dinner.
10) Learned more about computers
11) Learned how to be more economical so Trevor's work
is not waisted by unwise spending.
12) Learning patience as the days are long and I feel
tired and cranky with the children I have to be
patient as dad is not here to take over and relieve.
13) Our love is growing stronger as we are both sacrificing
and working together to achieve this goal.
14) Time is precious. Because he misses 300 days a year out
of the 365 we have so little of it together that we make
the most of it.
15) My children are learning that when dad isn't here I need
their help even more. Cooperation takes place.
16) My children are learning the value of an early education.
If dad had done this years ago we wouldn't be doing
it now amidst family life.
17) As I am away from family and almost isolated, my children
have become my sanctuary and my little friends.
18) I love to be busy, because of this I invest large amounts
of time into them.
19) We value life more. As we have lived this less quality of
family life because of too much work we are apt to make
good decisions that support quality family life.
20) At least I have Saturday night and Sunday with him. My heart
goes out to all those that have lost a spouse.

"It does a man no good to be free until he has learned how to live"

2009-04-03T21:36:00.000-07:00

I finished this book with the kids a couple of weeks ago and I have had one of the lessons in it on my mind since. Amos Fortune was a Negro slave in the early
1700's. He was fortunate enough to have been bought by a Quaker gentleman who educated him, took care of him and later gave him his freedom. But Amos was adamant that "it does a man no good to be free until he has learned how to live." So he learned to work leather and became the best in the trade for miles. He earned enough money to buy a wife whom he loved and then she died a year later. So he earned enough money to buy another woman her freedom, she too died a year later. But he had peace in knowing they had at least one year of freedom and that they had died free. A few years later he saw another woman (Violet) and her small child. He asked the "owner" how much they would both be and saved for them. They started their life together and saved for more tools, a horse and made a makeshift home.(I think we cannot imagine how hard freedom life was for a Negro back then.) A good man was even kind enough to let them use an acre of land for free. But the time came that they wanted a real home and so they both worked hard and saved money in the iron kettle to earn a home and to buy a piece of land. When he almost had enough money he noticed a widow who was desperate and quite pathetic with her children. Compassion overcame him and he made up his mind to buy her and her children a home. Violet (his wife) knew what he was thinking and took the money and hid it. The next morning when he went to get the money to do his good deed it wasn't there. Violet argued with him that she wouldn't tell him where it was until he agreed to build them their home and quit "saving" everyone. She went on to saying, "There's a fire that burns fast the more fuel goes on it and that's shiftlessness. She is a shiftless woman and money is just so much fuel to her fire. With all the help the town gave her she never made herself any better. Her children are getting older. they're the ones to help her and help themselves too. You'll do more for them all by giving work to the boys than by giving money to Lois." (This was so powerful to me) He was upset, she was upset. They didn't speak for three days. Finally, he went to a mountain to pray, determined not to come back until he got an answer of what he should do. After some time he realized, Looking from the height made him look back over his own life. He saw, with a sudden start of realization, that just as he had come a far way up the mountain to gain its crest, so had he traveled a far way through the years to gain the point at which he stood. he still had his strength, or a good portion of it. And he had his trade. But that was all. His freedom was assured as well as that of his wife and child. Yet he owned no land, nothing they could call theirs if the chariot of death came for him soon. He thought about his family and what would happen to them when he was no longer there to care for them. He thought, Amos Fortune-a man who was landless save for the kindness of a parson-thought what a good thing it must be to own a few acres of land. To bring it to bear. To leave it better than when they came to one's hand. For land was the wealth of this new country. To have land was to have an iron kettle with money always in it. How powerful is that? My problem is that I would be just like Amos and think of other before myself. But to help yourself first...That is the key. In the words of the Master himself,"Physician, heal thyself." Just a few epiphanies of mine.

From Little girl to Young Woman

2009-03-31T20:19:00.000-07:00

So...Alexis flew off on the other side of the world today. Not a big deal right? Well, I think my little girl is growing up and this journey of hers will only cement that reality. I feel as if I have said good bye to a my little girl and in exchange what I will get when she comes back is a young lady. She will grow up so much from this trip. A fact I have tried to hide from. How fast time flies. One moment you are holding their chubby little hands and looking into those deep and trusting eyes; and the next minute you are letting go of those hands while those eyes look on. One can only hope that you have taught them well and that those eyes will not wonder too far. Of course now more than ever I need to be the woman worthy of inspiring her. And more than often I feel unequal to the task. So now is the time where my knees will be knelt upon, that I may be guided in how to assist her through her journey into Young Womanhood.

2009-03-30T18:54:00.001-07:00

"Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even
though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to
develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which
we endure help us in our marching onward."

Henry Ford

"One of the Least of these"

2009-03-26T13:06:00.000-07:00

I made a hasty decision the other day. Perhaps it was because of my current studies with Alexis. In my mind suffering and poverty are very fresh. I feel like I have been to Cambodia and seen the suffering that I want to end. But I took a cousin some groceries and hand me downs that my children grew out of. I have been around her children a few times and seen their faces. There is a grave look in the eyes, something that expresses poverty. Her husband had some finances cut and I knew they were struggling. Upon arriving to their home She had prepared her children a potato for dinner. No, not a baked potato with all the wonderful toppings, a simple, baked potato. To accompany this potato was some watered down powder milk from her food storage. There was a time when this same cousin drove miles to my home to bring me a meal when my first son was born. The meal consisted of 6 homeade wheat rolls, 6 small baked potatoes and two oranges. In her humble way she was giving me her best, no doubt her widow's mite. When I purchased some groceries and invited my children to donate they did so and it became a family service project. An array of produce, bacon, eggs, diary products,sausage, pepperoni, two chickens and bags of whole grains (oats, wheat, and beans)filled our car. For a small moment I had the opportunity to be a miracle giver and see the light in the children's eyes and they recieved some things I am sure they rarely get, possibly never had.
Classic literature has a way of changing you. That is the entire point of reading a classic-it changes your character filling you with ambition to change and better the world around you. Maybe I can't help those Cambodians I read stories about with Alexis but I can help someone in my small corner of the world and in a small way Peace fills me.